I do appreciate your advice so much! I don't mind at all that you're critiquing the hell out of it. I agree that " I wander lonely through the barren fields of her soul" sounds a bit strange in there. I felt that way since I wrote it, but I like the line and I'm having trouble trying to make it fit. While I was writing it, I alternated between 3 possible lines: the one that's there now; "She trod a path of grief upon my barren soul" ; and "Her lonely soul wanders now". The one that sounds best to me is "Her lonely soul wanders now", especially preceding "in shattered solitude". I have been threatening to change it, and by golly I just might (haha). What's your honest opinion? Sometimes it's hard for me to see past my own intrinsic value of my pieces, and I will just accept something I write because it makes sense to me or I can't find other words to express it (i think a lot of writers feel this way??), but what I really want is for my writing to move others also. So i love love love your opinions and input.

My hopes, a ghost of her dreams
Hide behind my eyes
Cleverly disguised
___________________<--- Insert line here
In shattered solitude
She has nothing left to prove

Oh, and I would love to work with you if you make it big!!! As long as I get due credit, it would be an honor to have you use some of my songs!! Just don't forget about me! You know, that chick from evboard?? Hahaha.

Thanks again