EvBoard - Evanescence Forum - View Single Post - My song lyrics, Song #1: Marketable Dreams

AmongTheAshes20 · 04-16-2008, 06:41 PM

Ooh, nice. My favorite part is
" Fall asleep in this
Endless dream
What you think is all you'll see
I don't need your angel wings
I'll lay inside my reality"

And the end was really good, too.

One thing that sounded a little unusual to me is this part:

"These walls
Climb, climb up the walls
Please don't stop my needing
I can't hold back everything" - "needing" sounds a little strange used in that way. I think it might be the combination of "needing" and "everything" at the ends of those two lines. Maybe if it was "I can't hold everything back" or something, it would flow easier?

Awesome job, otherwise!

04-16-2008, 06:41 PM	#31 (permalink)
AmongTheAshes20 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Age: 21 Posts: 71 Points: 6,719.65 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 6,719.65 Donate	Ooh, nice. My favorite part is " Fall asleep in this Endless dream What you think is all you'll see I don't need your angel wings I'll lay inside my reality" And the end was really good, too. One thing that sounded a little unusual to me is this part: "These walls Climb, climb up the walls Please don't stop my needing I can't hold back everything" - "needing" sounds a little strange used in that way. I think it might be the combination of "needing" and "everything" at the ends of those two lines. Maybe if it was "I can't hold everything back" or something, it would flow easier? Awesome job, otherwise!