Charlie is very interesting. I was enthralled the whole way through reading it, but I have a hard time hearing it as a song...maybe it's just because its so unique that i just can't imagine it. But hey, I'm sure it could work. There is a lot of imagery and emotions in a style that reminds me of a short story. A good read

My only suggestion is to consider checking over for grammar oddities. I noticed a few in this piece. If you want specifics let me know.

This might be my favorite part - it is so beautifully written:
"Through the mirrored door of me
A soul cannot through eyes be seen
Sitting all alone inside,
A shallow soul is hard to hide
He's always watching(he never stops)
Like a panjandum,
He's my sovereign
And I goes by what he says"

*Should that be "go" instead of "goes"?