Mmmkay.. so.. Im in a very wtfucked up position here..
Around the beginning of the year, one of my best friends started hanging out with this high school dude, and slowly began to change.
Let me explain first: Last year she and I were really close, and she was super hyper and I could always be myself around her.
Now, after she started hanging out with this dude, she pretty much started idolizing him. She hung out with him all the time and walked home with him every day after school(ditching me and other ppl), and just would not shut up about him(normal teenage-girl-ness, no prob.).
Pretty understandable, but then she started to change.
She stopped hanging out with me and my other friend, she would always yell at me, saying things like; "You need to grow up and be more mature, you're too loud, you're too annoying.. blah blah blah" because she was so concerned about what her new high school buddies would think, saying that she was too mature for behaviour like mine now.
Which eventually started to become very stressful because she was basically attacking every aspect of me.
It started getting so ridiculous that when we'd be around school or anything(my school and the highschool are the same school) she'd tell me to shut up and stop being so loud/bitch at me saying that what I was talking about was innapropriate or embarressing to her(sorry, I'm loud and I like telling dirty jokes, not a crime!?)
And it got so out of hand one day when we were outside the highschool, i was just talking normally and NO ONE else was around and she just turns and says to me "you know what? you're so fucking annoying, why can't you just shut up? this is why no one likes talking to you becuase you're so fucking embaressing!"
Well, I don't take crap like that from people. so I slapped her across the face
Soo.. obviously our friendship began to deteriorate and became a very fragile thing, and I stressed alot about it.
Eventually we got back to being friends and she ended up going out with this high school dude, but then had to break up with him because their parents didnt approve of the age difference(her dad went to his house and yelled at him
) So they ended up breaking up and pretty much stopped talking to eachother cause I think he was a little freaked out and pissed.
But anyways, becuase of how I believed he influenced her into becoming psycho-bitch, I obviously hated him, and according to my "friend" the feeling was mutual and that I WAS NOT aloud to go near him.
Well, a week or two ago.. I ended up hanging out with him through mutual friends.. and we got along pretty well.. and he ended up kissing me!
Well, this confused me enough, like, I thought we were enemies dude!
But then.. last weekend.. we hung out again... and ended up doing "it" O_O
AHA I AM SO CONFUSED
my first time too... so not only those "first time" emotions but all this baggage too!
I told my friend about us kissing(NOT ANYTHING ELSE.. god no) and she told me hes probably just using me, becuase she didnt even kiss him until 6 months after knowing him and I did... after 2 hours. Well, I didnt think that was too wierd, becuase thats how alot of my flings/relationships are, so I didnt really stop too much to think about that part of it... and I also thought that in all probability she was just hurt and angry because I basically "stole her man".. but now I'm not so sure and I've really been thinking hard from all viewpoints about it.
He also has a girlfriend... so it makes it even more complicated
I've had(as I'm sure you could guess) every emotion on the spectrum about this... and I just CANNOT decide what to think of it.
I like him i guess.. but I've just started getting over another past relationship and I've also been used many times...
SO....GRR!!!
