Dewayne2

Hi. Long time reader, first time poster.

I found this in a fitness forum.

A guy, 22, wants to have sex with a girl who's 16. I'm the dad of a 1 year old daughter. I am worried about her enough as it is, but I cant think of how much I'd worry about this if this was my daughter. I'm angry about this guy doing this, am I right to be angry? What would you do if your daughter was in this situation?

(to make things equal, you can read the 22 year old guys side on his blog, http://www.becomingapua.com/2007/09/...a-16-year-old/ )

Burning_Angel

Well it depends, i mean, i think that if the girl wants to have sex with that guy too, it wouldnt be something wrong if both of them wants to do that.
Actually i know 2 friends that are dating each other since a year ago, the guy has 23 and the girl has 16, and they actually love each other very much and they are really happy together.
If i had a daughter in that situation i wouldnt be mad if both are in love.

Shivercide

I highly doubt that's the case in this situation... ;)

There are age of consent laws for a reason. I read the article and it's stated that where they live, it is legal. However, legalities aside, I would be very pissed if someone were preying on my child like that - but that's not so much to do with the age difference as it is the manner it comes about.

Personally, I think 16 is too young to have sex, willing or no. There's just not enough mental/emotional maturity in most 16-year-olds for something that can be so complicated. But that's just my view on it.

On the other hand, I think the guy who wrote this blog is just trying to be the next Tucker Max.

mrzeus21221

Well it IS wrong either way. Since the girl was only 16 and not an adult yet. But it would be interesting if the girl wanted it but the guy didn't. But i don't hope that would happen, i'm 16 too and i don't need anyone telling me what is sex. If that girl was having sex, i hope the same won't happen to me. The girl might got pregnant after that and..... yeah, who knows? It's already a bad ending already.....

fearlesst15

The age thing is very weird and makes situations like that difficult. There never seems to be a right thing.

The actual age gap of 6 years isnt that bad. I like a guy who is 6 years older but I'm 19. We've flirted and stuff when I was 17 but nothing was ever done. Is he a perv for chatting with someone 6 years younger and technically jailbait? In my opinion, no. My sister and parents on the other hand thought and still think it's creepy.

I mean if a 38 year old was with a 32 year old it wouldnt be so bad, but at the age when someone is only 16 and the other is 22, it seems inappropriate.

I also think 16 year olds shouldnt be having sex. It's too young. My sister is 16. I don't think she is emotionally ready for all that sex brings, because most 16 year olds arent. Hell, some people even older aren't ready for all of what sex brings with it. Like Shiver said, it really depends on the maturity level of those involved.

As for the father, I think any father would be upset with any guy trying to have sex with his daughter. I know my dad would probably want to cause bodily harm to a guy I had sex with and I'm an adult in the eyes of the law/government, but to him I'll always be his "baby girl."


As for your question, about it being ok for you to be angry? I have no idea. Technically the situation doesn't affect you. It's not your daughter but I can understand how the idea could upset you. Your transferring the situation to your daughter and what could happen to her in the future. All you can really do is raise her in a way that enables her to make good decisions and be safe while still living her life. She's young still. She's only 1. You have plenty of time before you have worry about her having sex. Enjoy her being a baby/ young child. Not to scare you, but those years go by so fast.


I've lost my train of thought. Sorry.

moon_faerie

What a twat. He's just using her for sex.

Normally I'd say it's ok if they are in love and the girl isn't being used or forced into anything. I mean, I've just turned 18 (yesterday) and my bf is 21...sort of nearly the same age difference.

But yeah, in this case, no, wrong.

Seph

I am all over the place in a discussion like this, but let me attempt to get my points across clearly.

Firstly, although the parents of the girl may hate it, it IS legal where they live for consentual sex between the two of them to happen.

HOWEVER. The girl IS still under her parents' roof {I can only assume, of course}, and if they tell her not to do something, as her legal guardians, you would think she'd be forced to listen. I know children break rules ALL the time, but they could take measures to prevent her doing even legal things. I think it's entirely up to them whether to do their part in the prevention of this or not. Just as I think it would absoultely be their right to be angry about it {same goes for the topic starter}.

In the defense of the 22 year old, he's not THAT much older than her, it IS legal, and it seems to be consentual. It doesn't necessarily MATTER what his reasons are for wanting to sleep with her. I think it's unfair to give an opinion such as, "I think it's right and okay if they're in love and it's consentual, but not if he just wants her for sex {yet still remaining consentual}." Why is it any different? Chances are, at their ages, even if they have love so intense you wouldn't believe it, they're going to break up. Eventually. I'm not saying it's set in stone, but it's a major possibility. Odds are certainly against them.

Now, if I were the parent of this girl in the same situation {and aware of the situation at hand, of course}, I would educate rather than forbid. I would tell her that if she feels her decision is right, it's entirely her choice {as long as she's of legal age and it isn't breaking any laws, of course}. I would inform her on how to be careful and how to protect herself {in EVERY way that counts}. I would alert her to the possibilities that could come of it. I wouldn't try to SCARE her out of it so much as educate her on the consequences of sex in general. That way, she's got a clear head about her and is able to make her own decision based on facts and information.

I believe in my mind that 16 is old enough, in most cases, to make that decision for themselves. It's different based on the particular individual(s) involved, but in MOST cases, I believe it's old enough.

For example, I decided to start having sex at 15. A whole year younger. I was in love, but it didn't matter. I wound up marrying and divorcing the guy since then. I don't look back and think, "I wish someone would have stopped me." I realize that it was something I did, no one else. I don't exactly feel it was a mistake, but a learning experience, and I definitely don't regret it.

I hope this came out as more than just a bunch of rambling, I tried to present it well. Hahaha.

TheLady

IAW Seph. And no, it didn't come across as ramblings.

I think you provide a unique perspecive in this thread, having been married so young. Had your mother said "we are moving. I am sorry you have to be separated from your boyfriend, but these things happen sometimes", perhaps you would have not married him and made the mistakes you did. But, your mother didn't provide any guidance, and encouraged you to enter into a relationship neither of you could possibly be prepared for.

A parent's job is to educate, and at the appropriate age, stand back. A parent must allow their children to make their own mistakes and learn for themselves.

If this was someone I knew, not my child, but perhaps a sister or friend, I would tell her to pull her head out of her ass. And then make her take a cold shower. In this case, had the girl lied and said she was older, there would be no dilema here. Little Angela wants to act like a grown up, which she thinks means giving strangers her phone number in hopes of a nekkid rendevous.

If the guy was my friend, I would give him the same advice. He had the good sense to leave, and he should trust his first instinct and throw out that phone number. You can't blame a guy for being temped by what seems like free sex from a young hottie. But, being tempted and following through are different things.

This guy is obviously a sleeze. He roams the malls looking for young hotties he can finess into sex. In this case, his only dilema is that the willing female, while legal, still falls into a morally gray category. The girls who called him an "asshole" have it right.

These guys are all over the place, which is where a parent's job to educate their kids about these kinds of people comes in. Whether it's a sleazy guy trying to get into your panties, or a conman who wants a dollar, they prey on the week.

So, did the guy do anything wrong? Legally no! Morally - well the hoochie Angela seems to want it as much as he does. Why should it all be his fault? He went looking for a girl to lay. He found one. She's legal. Who is wrong here?

Seph

This is exactly what I was trying to convey without making this topic about myself and the things MY mother did wrong, but it's a good example. My mother didn't educate me on the subject of marriage. All I had were scattered ideas and fantasies as to what it's REALLY like to be in a marriage. To MAINTAIN a marriage. Had she informed me on what the reality of it was like, I may not have opted to go through with it.

Same could apply to the girl in this situation.

But I feel as though we may be deviating from the point a bit. It isn't really about what the parents are doing wrong, it's more about what the two people involved are doing. For all we know, her parents could be informing her to the extreme, and doing all they can to make sure she's knowledgable on the subject of sex and all that goes with it.

As for the male, I also agree that he should, if he feels bad about it, trust his instinct and throw her number out. My personal opinion.

Shivercide

I find the way that Angela is supposedly acting (from the writer's account) to not quite be so relevant to what the original poster is saying.

Whether the girl is completely innocent or a complete slut probably doesn't matter so much in a parent's perspective. In either case, the 22-year-old is still making his own decisions in what he's trying to do. Sure, he seems a little put off in finding out that she's 16 - but by the end of his little story (and the headline of it) you see that he really is planning on pursuing this. Assuming this is all real.

Legally, he is not in the wrong. Whether he is morally or not is based on personal opinion. Personally, I believe as he is much older it should be on him to be the responsible one in the matter. Whether he is or not is nothing anyone can really do anything about, as long as the girl is willing. But does a parent still have the right to be angry about this? Definitely.

It is a parent's responsibility to raise their child and teach them about things like this. But there comes a time when a child (and yes, sadly, this girl is still a child) will make their own decisions no matter how they were raised. The question is, at what age can someone make a proper decision in the matter? I think 16 is way too young, and even though it's perfectly fine legally where they are, I still believe in morality and don't believe there is anything moral in preying on the young and the weak.

Along those lines, then definitely, as a parent I'd be furious.