Stillborn_Heart: Oh, ok... didn't think about that. The "bounce" effect works on some poems, not all of them, as it's a hard effect to get. Still, you're on the right track. Just work on some the lines I mentioned and you're set.



OddOneOut: nice to see you joined us here. ok, so critics...

Excelent idea behind the poem. I tip my hat. It can be interpreted in so many ways, it's amazing. I read it serveral times, and got a different idea each time through. That's hard to see in poems. So good job on that.

Some lines didn't make much sense at all, probably because of the way you decided to break them.

My emotional torment first
prize in a twisted competition.

I can sort of get what you mean, but I'm not quite sure... you might want to re-word or change the way the verses are sperated. You also seem to have a bit of a punctuation problem. A few commas or semicolons here and there would work amazingly well.

Other than that, it's a good poem. I like the topic, and the way you described the feeling of being enslaved. Oh, the last thing... you could try adding an extra couple of verses (lines) to the last stanza, so that it'd mirror the first. Good job, and I hope to see more of your stuff soon.

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