Thread: A Short Story
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Old 04-07-2006, 03:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
Drone
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Not bad. I think it deals with the public passivity while facing horrifying events and the effects of karma. Or something.

One thing could make the story better: cut the whole opening paragraph out, the one where you tell how wonderful Catherine's life is. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with the rest of the story. In a short story, it's always better to cut to the chase; very little, if any, exposition is required in the beginning. You'll want to catch the reader's attention immediately, right?

You could try out the following: in the very opening sentence, have Catherine looking on the street, watching a man get killed. That'll set the story going immediately. Furthermore, your story has a certain Kafka-esque undertone; this whole "cut to the chase in the first sentence" was mastered by Kafka in "The Trial" and "The Metamorphosis", so cutting the first paragraph out would certainly put you among distinguished company...

If you still want to tell how wonderful Catherine's life has been up to this point, you can do it later, with slight hints.
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