A very Alice in Wonderland-kind of beginning.
I'm guessing this whole thing will take place in the main character's head, am I right? It could work, but you should know, that this kind of approach (if you are, indeed, planning on taking it) has one problem: if the story itself admits that the whole thing is imaginary (hence your inspirational song, I guess...), there lies a danger that the reader might not be interested in it.
Stories like "Alice in Wonderland" or "Wizard of Oz" are admittedly ambiguous; you can't really tell, if it's happening for real or if it's just a dream. It should be empasized,
that the reader doesn't know. If you choose to admit from the beginning, that the whole thing is imaginary, the spell gets broken.
Two things about technique: 1) Be careful with the long sentences you seem to favour. You might consider breaking your longer sentences in to multiple shorter ones. Example:
Quote:
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It looks like a radiant purple light of hope, and knowing that whatever lies ahead will rid me of the peril I’m facing now strengthens my legs somehow and keeps me moving.
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You could change it to:
"It looks like a radiant purple light of hope. (
notice the period) I know that whatever lies ahead, it will rid me of the peril I'm facing now. (
notice the period) My legs regain their strength, and they keep me moving."
Three sentences instead of one heavier one.
2) When writing for the net, make an empty line between every paragraph.