Nameless: Whoa... this isn't hard to critique, it's
damn near impossible to. Ok, lemme break this mega-critique in two: objectively and from a writing point of view, and from a content.
First of, writing: Nicely written. It's a very coherent essay (or piece... whatever you want to call it) that flows together very nicely. First paragraph grabs the reader's attention, not only by starting a little out of the blue, but by using relaxing imagery to draw the attention. You go on to your introductary paragraph. I liked how you didn't make it the first one, as it allows the reader to be presented the topic
after his/her attention has already been captured. Excellent job. Now, these two lines were personal favorites:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nameless
This pleases me as well...
...
But what has changed?
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These re-capture the reader's attention, by giving him/her an extra thought to dwell on while introducing the next part of the composition. You keep going back to ideas mentioned in previous paragraphs, giving the composition a great feeling of cohesion. No thought is left hanging, no idea is left discussed briefly. Now, your last paragraph... not exactly a conclusion, but it works amazingly for closure. You not only conclude some things, but leave the reader with an interesting thought. You conclude with your entire piece. You were closing subjects as you moved along, which I thought was brilliant. Now, some may argue that you lack a constructed conclusion at the end, but for this specific composition-thingy, it works perfectly. To give it such closure at the end would be to kill it. Your style is definetely unique man, don't change it. This piece rules.
Content wise: Really deep piece, full of feelings. You made this piece from your view point, always making sure it was yours and yours alone. The simplicity of the words creates a good contrast with the complexity of the situation, and your word choice gave it the traditional dark atmosphere your work has. Still, this was a brighter piece. I sensed a tone change s your progressed, especially in this paragraph:
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Nameless
I have never experienced love in the way that I am experiencing it now. I have no focal point for these emotions; no physical, tangible source, that can be given credit for this change in my reasoning. I have no particular catalyst that could possibly explain this sudden and unexpected difference in thinking. There is no "Special Someone." There is nothing different about my lifestyle, my family, or my friends. The difference is me...
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Then, you withdrew from it, making it hard to catch. Very nicely done. You were pouring your soul into your work subtly. I need some help in that...
But, anyways... great write, all in all. I can't wait to see more... this piece kicks some serious arse.