EvBoard - Evanescence Forum - View Single Post

FelicityS · 05-16-2006, 07:52 AM

Darko
I really found it intriguing, where you took the theme of birth, it kept me reading to the end!

Etherealme
Your peice was really sweet! I loved the perspective!

2live2breathe
I really liked the first stanza i thought it was a powerful beginning. I liked the imagery of being free from imprisonment for the theme of birth

'I was reborn'

I feel the imagery of the first stanza should've been carried throughout the entire peice. Nonetheless Good Work!

Vallari
Your poem really represented 'change' to me, i thought you expressed it well. i especially liked this line:

'To decline is to waste away, into sadness, lonliness, emptiness'

Floating Lily
Wow, i thought your story was a really strong and solid peice. i was kind of sad it ended- i wanted to read more!

Svetlana S.V.D
I was a bit lost at first but i did understand the use of 'dawn' and i love the last line

'The life was born in April's false Dawn'

and i love the imagery of a

'cheeky pink haired lad'

'there was dawn crawling out of bed'

i thought that was really clever!

Myimmortalenemy
Hey ya! Well you already know i really enjoyed your 'birth' poem! I love the structure and the first line to each stanza! The last lines are the most powerful for me and i love

'witness the beauty of birth'

Carmen
I really liked the emotive language used and the sadness and sense of desperation behind it. Just a question...is it suppossed to be
Alive, open alarmed
OR
Alive, open armed?

Just curious! Anyways good work!

Hadapurpura
Hey i liked your peice, i just found it lost the rhyming scheme a bit as it went on!

'I turned back time
I'm a newborn again
To make you mine'

This ^^ added a new element to the peice which i thought was a great addition!

Violette
WOW, i loved, loved, loved this poem! Besides the awesome title, emotion, flow and story it told i could really relate to it. awesome stoof! hehe! i love this line:

'For you awakened my ever-sleeping soul'

Beautiful!

Nameless
I was really happy you added to your birth peice! I think you are an amazing writer! Your writing has such a unique flow and rythm. i love how the last line pulls it all together.

Shivercide
I think Perforated was a really great poem! I love the play on words with the double meaning

'I've learned to pray (to prey) upon'

I feel this peice can provide different meanings to a variety of people- depending on what perspective you approach it from! Good work!

05-16-2006, 07:52 AM	#72 (permalink)
FelicityS Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 1,403 Points: 700.64 Bank: 41.06 Total Points: 741.70 Donate	Darko I really found it intriguing, where you took the theme of birth, it kept me reading to the end! Etherealme Your peice was really sweet! I loved the perspective! 2live2breathe I really liked the first stanza i thought it was a powerful beginning. I liked the imagery of being free from imprisonment for the theme of birth 'I was reborn' I feel the imagery of the first stanza should've been carried throughout the entire peice. Nonetheless Good Work! Vallari Your poem really represented 'change' to me, i thought you expressed it well. i especially liked this line: 'To decline is to waste away, into sadness, lonliness, emptiness' Floating Lily Wow, i thought your story was a really strong and solid peice. i was kind of sad it ended- i wanted to read more! Svetlana S.V.D I was a bit lost at first but i did understand the use of 'dawn' and i love the last line 'The life was born in April's false Dawn' and i love the imagery of a 'cheeky pink haired lad' 'there was dawn crawling out of bed' i thought that was really clever! Myimmortalenemy Hey ya! Well you already know i really enjoyed your 'birth' poem! I love the structure and the first line to each stanza! The last lines are the most powerful for me and i love 'witness the beauty of birth' Carmen I really liked the emotive language used and the sadness and sense of desperation behind it. Just a question...is it suppossed to be Alive, open alarmed OR Alive, open armed? Just curious! Anyways good work! Hadapurpura Hey i liked your peice, i just found it lost the rhyming scheme a bit as it went on! 'I turned back time I'm a newborn again To make you mine' This ^^ added a new element to the peice which i thought was a great addition! Violette WOW, i loved, loved, loved this poem! Besides the awesome title, emotion, flow and story it told i could really relate to it. awesome stoof! hehe! i love this line: 'For you awakened my ever-sleeping soul' Beautiful! Nameless I was really happy you added to your birth peice! I think you are an amazing writer! Your writing has such a unique flow and rythm. i love how the last line pulls it all together. Shivercide I think Perforated was a really great poem! I love the play on words with the double meaning 'I've learned to pray (to prey) upon' I feel this peice can provide different meanings to a variety of people- depending on what perspective you approach it from! Good work! __________________ My Space My Stuff Last edited by FelicityS : 05-16-2006 at 07:55 AM.