Don't you just love satire?


The Prince and the Damsel
(by me and my friend Rachel)

Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom far, far away, there lived a beautiful princess. She was both lovely and sweet, and liked to sing songs, frolic with unicorns in the meadow, chase fairies in the forest, and brush her long, silky hair.

One day, while the princess was innocently picking wild flowers, a grotesque looking stranger approached her. He captured the princess, and took her to his dark and evil-looking castle. The princess could not stop him, for she was extremely naïve and unable to fend for herself. She found herself in a predicament that even her songs and her hairbrush could not save her from, a situation that most fairy tale princesses seem to end up in. She was now a helpless captive, a damsel in distress.

One gloomy morning, this princess, Esmeralda, was singing one of her sad, heartbreaking songs. This song had a depressing melody to it and could be heard miles and kilometers and hilltops and rooftops away.

A handsome, noble prince was riding his mighty stallion through the forest, when he heard the princess’ beautiful cry of distress. He was a very heroic hero, and rescuing fair damsels was one of his many hobbies, besides slaying ogres and admiring himself in his handy pocket-mirror, and playing chess and croquet. So he urged on his swift and powerful steed and galloped off into the wilderness, into lands unknown, to save the owner of this wondrous voice. The prince knew the one who had this breathtaking, angelic voice was his hearts desire. He knew that this woman, who he also knew would be breathtakingly beautiful, would immediately fall in love with him because of his dashing good looks and suave personality.

The prince’s journey trekked on for six long, lonely, excruciating months. He hacked his way through a huge and impenetrable hedge maze of thorns. Then he moved on through the land of the happy, magical pixies, where he would like to go back to one day, and then into the dreadful, untouchable forest. After this, he crossed the rickety bridge over the bottomless chasm, and then the other bridge with a troll living under it.

One evening, while lying down to take a rest from his long, treacherous journey, he thought to
himself, “What if the owner of this celestial voice is a hideously sickening old woman, or even a man, and not a beautiful woman as I had once dreamed?” This thought disturbed him so, that he slept uneasily that night, and the concept plagued him for days until he reached the cursed, menacing, interesting, murky, somber castle. It was just as he had pictured it in his mind while traveling through these many obstacles.

The courageous, fearless prince jumped into the green moat surrounding the castle, and swam onward toward the drawbridge. He skillfully avoided the lily pads and refused to be distracted by their colorful flowers. Then, he used his wits to discover the castle’s secret entrance, which was right through the large door in the front of the castle.

The prince then had to use his magical, enchanted sword to slay the fire-breathing dragon inside the castle. Afterward, he was very tired and he accidentally stumbled into “The Pit of Scorpions & Very Poisonous Snakes,” according to a nearby sign, which stated that “The owner of this castle is not liable for any injury/death or other unfortunate occurrences that may happen here or elsewhere in the castle premises.”

The prince emerged sometime later, with a determined look in his eye and a snake in his hair. Then, a stranger appeared before him. The prince judged that this stranger was the evil owner of the castle, and the one who had captured the princess. The prince was right, for he was very good at judging things by their appearance, since he was such a superficial person.

The prince shook a few scorpions out of his princely robes and drew his sword. He and his new enemy glared at each other and made threatening motions. Then, he and the prince fought like angry, ferocious, perturbed professional wrestlers. Eventually, the battle ended and the prince was victorious, since this story would be even more pointless if he died.
The prince then rescued his princess from the tallest tower. He took her and threw her over his horse, which magically turned into a unicorn, and they rode off into the evening sunset and they lived happily ever after.

The End

And here's an illustration:

(yes, I took that pic lol)


More Satire (this time in essay form):

The Truth About Lies

“You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” - and why should anyone even want to tell the truth when they can lie? Many people feel that lying is unethical, but that is only because they are not fully aware of all the benefits that lies can bring. Lying gives you the opportunity to be creative and manipulate the feelings of others. Besides, everybody does it.

Lying can be a very creative way to express yourself. You can use your imagination to make up stories and twist facts. You can also practice your acting skills, by trying to look completely sincere while you decieve others. You can make up feelings that you don’t really have, and act them out. With the help of lies, your life will have constant drama, like a movie in which you are the star (and probably the antagonist.)

Perhaps the most valuable benefit of lying is that you can use it to control the emotions of others. You can give people false hope, or cause them to become angry, sad, ect. In addition, you can make someone like you, by telling them what they want to hear. You can brag about things you haven’t done, and make up information in order to sound smart, which will cause people to have more respect for you. It can also be entertaining for you to see how long it takes for people to doubt what you say. It can be like a game, a challenge to see how long you can keep someone’s trust.

Of course, they may eventually become aware of this constant fabrication, and be terribly hurt once they realize they have been misled, but it’s a small price to pay for the entertainment it will give you. It is possible that no one will ever believe you again, but this will only give you more freedom, for you will no longer have to care what anyone else thinks of what you say. Remember, your feelings are more important - and if anyone annoys you or objects to your behavior, get them back by spreading lies about them.
The world is full of fabrication, cheaters, con artists, and hypocrisy. At any given moment, there is someone out there attempting to decieve you. In order to compete in this world, you need to lie as well. To make things go your way, you must say exactly what you want without letting the truth hinder you. Besides, even the best of us lie; even great people like former President Richard Nixon. Without lies, he may never have achieved such greatness.
So keep in mind that “Thou shalt not lie” is a commandment you can ignore. The truth is a chain that will bind you, that will tie you down to boring, cruel reality. Express yourself the way you want and take control of your life. Use lies to be creative, influence the emotions of others, and join all the other liars of the world.