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Dear me,
Despite what you believe, you are a good person and should be proud of that. Nothing you've done is worth this self destruction. And I know she makes you hurt at times, but you know she makes you feel like flying others too. So go on, you talked to her, let her decide what she wants to be for you, and be yourself.
PS: Don't be the pot calling the kettle black, go eat, it hurts her when you don't
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