The unMother.

My job is a mother but I'm unemployed,
I'm living alone in a home I destroyed.
My eldest is 8 but was never born
My youngest in 6 but he is on loan.

There are measures I take to fill the void,
Everday at four o clock I break
The childproof lock on a bottle of pills.
If not at four then whenever I ache
For the little pitter patter of
Feet growing up. To be a parent
and not have to endure this blurred
Indentity of what could have been.

A stack of mothercare magazines
Next to my sofa. I gaze at the pictures
And imagine eight and six - Fiona and jack
Not under a gravestone to never come back
Or under the rule of a proper family.
I just take some more pills with a cup of green tea.

I've changed my mind and I want my job back
So I'll keep being blue untill the world turns black.

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