I'd have to say my favorite so far is the second one, wonderful job! On Enmity, the chorus had an excellent rhythm all except for the last line, which was may be a beat or so too long . Not Alone was AWESOME, I loved it! And you've only written for a couple of monthes? Stunning! I couldn't do near that when I'd just started .

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Wow. This is a very good thread. I like everything I've read here so far. Keep up the good work. That story you wrote was amazing.

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Yeah... that's been the hardest thing for me to smooth out in any full song that I've written. I'll change it some day, but I just have to think of the right thing to put in there.

Thanks for your input, and your kind words!

Hey, guys! Sorry it's been such a long time since I've posted anything. I've been really busy lately, and haven't had much time to write.

Once again, thanks to everybody who posted their support. And, of course, don't be afraid to criticize, if you feel the need!

Here's the latest one I wrote... I've written a couple more songs since I last posted, but I think this is the best (though, it probably isn't very good ) I haven't come up with a name for it yet.



I'm your friend forever
And I'm always strong and true
I'm the rock that holds you down
And keeps you safe from you
Just relax
Don't worry
You don't have to think it through
I'll make decisions for you
And I'll tell you what to do

If you ever climb too high
I'm here to help you down
And if it gets too heavy
Then I'll gladly take your crown
If you need direction
Then I'll push you all around
And if you fall, don't try to rise
It's better on the ground

Don't thank me
What are best friends for
If not to lend a hand?
Don't swim against the current
And don't struggle in the quick sand
I'll come help you some day
Just stay calmly in your rut
Look on the brighter side of life
You're down
But now I'm up!

If you ever climb too high
I'm here to help you down
And if it gets too heavy
Then I'll gladly take your crown
If you need direction
Then I'll push you all around
And if you fall, don't try to rise
It's better on the ground

And when you dream
I will wake you
And put you back where you belong
I'll keep you safe
Make sure you stay
And never fly away

If you ever climb too high
I'm here to help you down
And if it gets too heavy
Then I'll gladly take your crown
If you need direction
Then I'll push you all around
And if you fall, don't try to rise
It's better on the ground



I'm proud of that one, because it's the first song I've written where the butthole character is portrayed from a first-person perspective.

The person who started this thread- Your poem is really, really pretty!! I love how it's kinda deep, yet still can be interpreted in different ways!

AMAZING job on Enmity...Its gripping..It flows very well and it speaks out and it shows how you can rise above and show what the hate deserves...i prolly way off but when i read it thats what i was thinking...Keep more coming!


Tina

that song takes a few twists and turns eh...good stuff.

Hey, guys! Long time, no write! I thought that today would be a great time to post some more work, since it's the 1st anniversary of my first set of lyrics!

This is an untitled song that I wrote 15 days ago. I know that they last part is grammatically incorrect, but... chalk it up to artistic license.



I'll take a kiss
No "share" about it
Steal your mind
And break your heart

I'll ruin you
No doubt about it
Destroy you
With this deadly art

I'll strip your senses
Love you, leave you
Humiliate you
Leave you cold

And you'll be naked
Shamed and broken
Dazed
Unitl you're bent and old

And when I've tortured you enough
To make you feel exposed and bare
Subjected you to treachery
Then we'll be even
We'll be square

We're not so different
You and me
As cruel and low
As we can be



Also, here's a poem I wrote a couple of days ago. It's also untitled... I think I need to hire someone to name my stuff for me.



Sorrow in summer
Pregnant with lament
Tangible perdition
So strong
So real
Inescapable
All-incompassing
No asylum
Who could save you?
You are consumed
Never to know the ease and splendor
Of acceptance


As always, constructive criticism is welcome! Thank you!

'allo, all! Evboard hasn't been showing my posts lately for some reason, so this will (hopefull) show up as the first thing I've posted in way to long. Again, this one is sans title, and it's not that good. I tried and failed to make it sound Dylanesque, but... what the hell. I may as well share it.


You know, my darling
We trouble each other
And troubles we've already got
So let's keep our distance
And never desire the other to be what they're not

You know, if I wanted
That I could fit in with your friends
But I'm never betraying myself as a means to amends
On the inside, I'm dying
And I'm tired of lying
To try and increase my appeal
And diear, if you knew me
You'd know that i'm only attracted to things that are real

I won't be a liar
Who burns in the fire
Of mindless and sickening charades
I can't be a part of your fashion-god idol parades
If I had the courage to tell them
What I'm telling you
I'd be better of for it
But there isn't much that this craven heart's owner can do

If I could just take it
If I could just fake it
For a lifetime
You know that I would
But guile is madness
And where there is sadness
You know there can never be good

My soul, how it's aching!
My heart, how it's breaking!
As I kiss you goodnight the last time
To show how I love you
In closing this storybook romance
You are my last line.




So... what'dya think?