SiNcY

thanks soo much! A girl i had danced and gone to school with since i was 3 (im now 16) died on a school camp.

Brainwashed

Death can be painful as hell for us. But I dont think its painful for one who died.
Thats what help me through my hard days. A Friend of mine died in a crash eight weeks ago and I still have to deal with it but it´s getting better each day that passes.

SoundOfSilence

the only thing that can make us feel a bit better after someone passed by is to accept the death as a part of life. like scott said everyone has to die. some will die earlier, some later. and it's sad that some ppl has to be near the death to realize how wonderful and invaluable life is.


<3 nadine

LurkerOfShadows

While there are many deaths that are close to me. There is one that I just can not let go. Which is sort of odd, being that it happened 18 years ago this Oct.

Before I was born, my mom got pregnant with who would have been my older brother. He was born a few months early like I was, but died about a day and a half later. When I was about 7, my mom and dad finally told me really what had happened, and at first I didn't want to believe it. I started thinking about him a lot... and to this day I still do. I began to write a lot, and draw things a lot.... to this day, I think that incident has made me enjoy what I do today. I honestly think it has.

He would be 2 years older than me... and I always catch myself thinking, what would he look like, what would he be intrested in, would we talk about everything, or have sibling rivalry. I get pictures in my head of what I think he's be like..... Would he like me, would he help me, would we do things together, what would he love to do? Would our family life be any different? How would we have dealt with everything in life.... Etc etc.

Being that I was a premature baby as well, that has made the fact that there would have been another child in our family even harder. I was 2 and a half months early, and was in the hospital for several months. Sometimes, without even noticing that I do it... I catch myself thinking "why didn't I die... instead of you?" Because he was only a month or less early I think.

It will be 18 years this Oct. And I am still thinking about how awful it is..... And I don't understand why I think of this so often. And I have always been afraid to mention it to my parents. When my dad got remarried, we went to the grave site, and I cried the whole time and on the way back to the reception I really wished he and my grandfather(died a couple months after I was born) could have been there. He is in my thoughts everyday.... and I don't know how to cope any better than that.

Snow White

You have moved me to tears. It sounds like you've been through some great therapy. I have enjoyed this post more than any I think I've ever read on this board. Just promise me you'll listen to your own words- because no matter how much we know them and say them, those thoughts and feelings will always come up. One thing- something cool my therapist told me that I think you'll appreciate: We all fantisize about the millions of things we could have done differently to prevent the death- and you know what? That actually helps you heal. It has some medical name I can't remember- but the way we mentally play out all of the different circumstances, ending with the survival of our loved one, the more we heal. . . because in a way, we feel like we got to see it through with every happy ending possible, and that is not what happened, so it helps us process it. I don't think I explained that very well. It made sense when she said it. Anyway, just don't think that thinking those thoughts is wrong. Its part of your brain's instinctive healing. . . I relate to you. And as you well know, many many people do. Rock on, brotha. You have learned much. This seriously touched me. You should write a book or something.
love
amy

Teh Torey

Scott, I do not remember if I have told you or not, but Eric's death as been bothering me recently. Though, it is not just me it is bothering. This is effecting Brooke, as well. Yesterday I came to this thread in hopes to use it as a resource. As I read through the thread, I began to realize some things. I just want to say thank you for making this thread available to me, love. I love you.

*hugs*

Ashlee

I agree completely with what Amy is saying here, death and especially death in the family is one of the hardest things a person can go through. The form of therapy Amy suggested is exactly the type of thing that can help you cope and move on. You can sit down and face the facts, I mean really face it then you can move on. You blame yourself, you blame God, you cry, cry some more. Then you can move on, maybe not right away but with time the pain will fade. I promise.

Thankyou for creating this thread Scott, and making it available to all those in need it's really meaningful

- Ashlee x

Katya

Scott is one of the wisest people on this board, period. All of us could learn from him; I know I have personally.

See Scott?! Someone ELSE thinks you should be writing a book and being America's philosopher and stuff. I'm not the only one!

Rock on, Amy. I thought about that and it does make sense. That is kinda cool.

This sounds weird but I didn't think you'd be checking this forum out, but it's cool that you did. You give pretty good advice, IMO

For my fellow Advice Mods: is she moderated in here? I know Band Members aren't for every other forum...does that extend here or do they have to be approved in here like everyone else? Just something I wondered.

Cfw828

*is a mod in general*

When I checked last night, she was moderated. I don't know if I'm able to change that too, but I'll look into it.

etherealme

I have always had a different understanding, well concept if you will, of death and dying.

First off, I am not afraid whatsoever to die. I accept it as a natural progression in the scheme of things. I believe highly in an afterlife, and even reincarnation. To me dying is not the end of but the beginning of something unknown. Yet it still does not frighten me.

I lost a best friend when I was 16. Her death taught me much about moving on. Shortly after that I came to terms with the monster deemed death. I began to understand what I now accept as truth. To every beginning must come an ending. To every ending there is a beginning.

I am not sure how, perhaps because I was so close to her, kind of tuned into each other, but I knew from the moment I heard my aunt had Cancer she was going to die. Everyone else was so optimistic that she was going to get this miraculous cure. I prepared myself from the moment I heard. On one hand it was so odd and devastating having this knowledge she was leaving us but on the other, I found it a small comfort to be able to accept her time had come.

When she died, my mother, grandma and her sisters almost lost their minds. It was heartwrenching to watch them. I felt so selfish because I had kept my secret. I did not prepare them the way I had been. I couldn't.

My mother was shocked by how stoic I was. She kept saying she wished she had my strength. I felt such the fraud. It was only recently I told her I knew from the moment the phone rang that my Aunt was passing on.I had spent that last month accepting and preparing. After she had gone, I wanted to be strong for everyone else who had been so hopeful.

That year, we had 4 family deaths in 6 months. My father-in
law, grandpa, and aunt all within 3. It was a definite learning process in coping. I did not
grieve because of my own sadness but rather saw the pain my children, husband, and mom were facing. Seeing how crush they were was actually harder on me than dealing with deaths themselves.

Come to think of it, ever since I was a child I've accepted death as inevitable.
I came to terms long ago with my own mortality. My mom says I never really cried much when someone died but was always the first to be comforting to everyone else hurting so badly.

In life I have faced much loss. Dear friends, beloved family, and many many little souls who had not yet begun to live.My history of miscarriages is perhaps one of the hardest forms of death I've ever faced. I wonder everday what if? when it comes to each of my babies who never came into this world for whatever reason.Some people may say well its not really a death if they were never born. I beg to differ.

I often ask myself why do I grieve these losses more so than I do when someone who was apart of this world dies? I think it is the grief for what could have been, what they would have grown to be, the life they were never allowed to live. Those little fingers and toes I never got to count...

The gift of life is such a simple concept, something we all tend to overlook everyday. Yet once we take that first breath we are apart of something so amazing. It's that loss that makes it so hard to understand.