evanfan1117

This issue was brought up about 5 or 6 years ago, maybe even earlier. At the time I was 9 and my father was arrested (if you want to know what for I will tell you..but I don't think its appropriate to say on this message board). At the time I was under the impression that all facts and details of the case were false. Well for the past couple months I have been noticing things that make me question what happened 5 or 6 years ago.

In all honestly I think my family as a whole is hiding the truth behind all of this and quite frankly, I don't want to be involved with it. The first time around it affected me harder than anyone figured and I just don't think I can handle it a second time if this situation is uncovered.

I know this is a very..I don't really have a word for it..situation. I'm very torn apart by this and only my boyfriend knows about it. I don't want to say anything to my family in fear of being accused of lying and tearing my family apart. But at the same time I'm worried about my younger brother and how if this isn't taken care of now, will be affected, he's the same age as I was the first time.

Please, if anyone has anything to say concerning this matter, I would really really appreciate it. I just honestly don't know what to do..

MetalRepublican

Well it is hard to give advice when you don't know more about what is wrong.

Do you have a close reltaionship with your family?
Is your father doing time for this crime? If so how long?

What I am getting is that you may not want to be bothered by the past because your relationship may not be the best between you and your family.

If your father was arrested and convicted of a crime, the chances are he was guilty. There is nothing wrong with having a father who has been convicted of a crime. People make mistakes and it is how they live the rest of their lives determines if they have learned from the mistakes they have made.
If you see a repeat pattern with facts that you know, then maybe you should not involve yourself with it and act as if you still belive in what they are attempting to hide. Don't muddy up the water any more than it is. Only remove yourself from it if you feel you are in danger.

I don't think people need to know what the crime was but give us some information about his sentence and your concerns.

Family is at its strongest when all are on the same page.

I knew a guy who took the rap for a murder because he loved his girlfriend so much and he did not want to see her go to prison. After she died, he asked his attorney to expose the truth. Now he is a respected member of the town in which I grew up. When the truth came out, he was hailed as being a person of strong conviction.

Physconails

Althought it may somehow hurt you to learn the truth, you have the right to know. As MetalRepublican said,, its hard for us to help because we don't know the situation.
All I can say that it may hurt to know everything, but at the same time you might be more settled after than the first time. You may have a better perspective on it.

evanfan1117

He was arrested for child porn and possible sexual abusing a minor..

Prince Charming

Hey evanfan. I can only imagine how it must hurt to know that your father was involved in something like that. It's hard to offer advice without knowing anything else about him or the circumstances of what he did. No matter what the circumstances were, though, it's obvious that the what he did is tearing you and your family apart.

In my medical practice I see a lot of people who have gone through a lot of terrible things in life, and the ones who seem to suffer the most later in life are the ones who tried to ignore their feelings or sweep things under the rug. Sometimes suppressing those feelings sometimes actually makes people physically ill - frequent migraine headaches, abdominal pain, chronic vomiting, etc. - and almost always makes people suffer emotionally in other ways. My best advice to you, evanfan, is to bring things out into the open, maybe at first with a professional counselor to help yourself through this, and then later with family counseling to help everyone else. Ignoring it, denying it, fighting about it, blaming others, getting revenge, etc. never makes things better in the long run. Accepting what happened as something that's in your past (no matter what the details), working through your feelings, and forgiving him are the things that will make life better for you and your family, evanfan. I know that's easy to say and very hard to do. I'm really hoping that you'll be able to do it.

PS: She let him stew in prison for a crime she committed, Mark? What a $#@!#!! &%#$@ #%$&* she was. What did he do while he was in prison, though? It almost sounds like a "Shawshank Redemption" kind of story.

MetalRepublican

You must understand that this has nothing to do with you. I know that it must be hard on you to know that your father could have done such a thing, if he was convicted, but you can't be responsible for the actions of others.

Pandac

I am sorry that you are having to go through all this evanfan but you are going to have to deal with all this at some point. How and When are the major issues here. I would say immediatly and loudly if you thought that he was committing the crime again....especially the sexual abuse on a minor.

But if there are no worries about that then you need to decide what is best for you. Going to a counselor as Prince Charming mentioned is a great way to start healing yourself before dealing with the family on a whole. The only other thing I can think of is if you happen to have someone in the family that you can trust ALOT to begin speaking this over with. I know the latter is more unlikely but you have to work this out for the benefit of you and your physical and mental health.

I know first hand how stress and not dealing with things can effect your body. Headaches, hives from head to toe, throwing up everyday between 5-6pm....just some of the things I experienced. I hope it doesn't get that far for you.

AmyBeth