Kay. So I am an extreme obsessor when it comes to posting my work on forums. It's just this thing I have. I don't show people my work offline, it's just different. And I get a lot of better feedback online, so I guess I'll post my poetry here and see what you think.

Forgive me if it's a bit depressive at some points, my style varies sometimes. ^^

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago, but I've been told it's one of my best, although I wrote it during writer's block. Enjoy!

Angel of Death

Watch her lurking in the corner- a fallen angel;
Impaled by her own rusty sword of negativity
as she spirals lower into her abyss of lethargy and doom.

One thousand tears dampen her ceramic cheeks;
raining from those distant cold stars which once bore light.
Those stars are her undead eyes,
staring into a void of her personal nightmare.

Bystanders simply stare at her shattered body, such a sight to behold-
If only they could envision the torture she went through;
Those hours of searing pain as they slowly tore her soul apart;
A poisoned dagger through her heart as agony’s eyes focused upon her and her only.

Oblivious to all that was around her;
For she was too deep within her anguish to partake in reality.
Oh, how she would embrace death!
Death was welcome, compared to this bloody hell.

But no salvation came;
she lay bleeding on the pavement, no one to help her.
No one to comfort her as she drowned in her panic;
No one to save her from herself.

Was she truly doomed to die in such a pathetic manner?
For then, in the dead of the night; a sudden flare shoots out,
Parting the black fog in the invisible sky;

Look! Her eyes have been revived; a glint of light in them yet again;
a deadly blade in their center, ready to strike at will.
She would avenge her shattered heart; its bloody sinews strewn for miles on end.
She was eager for battle- poised to attack those who had pursued her in her weary past.
All pain was erased for that moment; her emotions raging with anger;
Anger towards all of those who betrayed her.
She vowed revenge- she would be alive once again.

I shall redeem you, oh little Angel of Death.

Wow! This is very dark....but i still like it...You have a very intriguing writting style...post more soon!

Intelligent poem! Awesome vocab... as weird as that sounds... I think it is so awesome when a person can put intelligent words in their poetry. And... awesome imagery and descriptions. This is a powerful write. You do have your own writing style, which is what I love to see... that is why I love reading others' poetry. Keep it up... I would love to see more...

Jodi

__________________
I believe that being trusted is better than being loved... so I live to gain trust... and with that comes sure love. This truly makes me happy.

Wow!!!you used the right words, you used a very good vocabulary, i like, I like that she speaks about the death, is very dark...is beautiful...
-Javy

P.D. pardon my english ^^

Why thank you all for your kind words! ^^ I really appreciate it, honestly!

"Intriguing writing style" My, that's flattering lol.

I'm in the middle of writing a prelude to this poem, actually. I've been stuggling with it, but I hope to get it up soon.

Allright. I'll post something else, see what you think of it.

I wrote this after a -very- long ordeal between me and someone who lied to me for about 7 months. I did write a song version, I'll post it up later.

Lies

Here you go, yet again, once more.
Same old story that I now abhor.
Does the word “guilt” mean nothing in your eyes?
All I see in you is nothing but lies.
Have you no shame in any form?
Or is this who you are, just a trivial thorn?

This drives me to the edge of sanity.
Where are your flaws? When is your calamity?
When is the end of your fucking dynasty?
Will you realize the definition of “honesty”?
Or are you just an empty shell,
Who deserves to rot, to burn in hell?

Don’t expect forgiveness to rise,
If you continue your God damned burning lies.
Why can’t you admit that you’re wrong?
I’ll accept your apology, but not for long…

I’ll say the truth- you’re lost inside.
That’s why you conceal the truth in lies.
But you can’t hide from the world, you can’t hide from yourself.
But that’s what your doing, a pathetic cry for help.

Or is it attention that you seek?
You want the spotlight, but you’re too weak;
Too weak to make a real attempt;
Too weak to speak the truth to your friends.

But it’s over and I’ve proven why.
Yet you persist to continue to lie.
You’ve done the damage, now pay the price.
This is what you get for your petty lies.

I’ll give you a few, to admit your sin.
If you deny it… then you’ll never win.
You’re empty and weak, through my eyes.
All that’s left is your fucking lies.

Hmm...i did like the emotion of anger you put in there...i can really relate to this and i liked this poem but....(oh no...criticism...) some of the lines in here seems forced. It doesn't easily fit into the rythm of the poem. In some lines, i felt the flow was cut off...

Here it was too raw...

why don't you try saying...

I'll give you a few wins
to admit your sins
if you deny it...

(don't use this though...it's a horrible example!)



The word "that's" is explaining what is already being explained...this poem is better off without it


overall. I like your writing very much. You have potentials. And this is a nice piece...just remember that the emotions you write through words can overcome any rhyme or use of language.
I hope you come up with more soon...i'm curious for more.

Actually, it's forced on purpose. XD

I dunno, I feel it should have that raw feeling...Unorganized, angry, etc. Though usually forced rhymes are my worst nightmare. I try to stay away from it as much as I possibly can.

So, let's see what else I can post here...
Allright, I think you'll like this one. I was kind of desperate to write this because of a situation that was occuring to my friend, so if it's force also, then excuse that. XD

Deadly Infatuation

So starts the obsession, this endless infatuation
Waiting to explode, time for evacuation
You call it “love” but that’s untrue
Biting off more than you possibly chew

You’re a stranger now, fallen to your sickly emotions
Drowning in lust that started this commotion

You just might crash if you don’t slow down
You’re aiming high but you’ll hit the ground
Before you know it, it’s gone in midair
Deadly Infatuation; enter if you dare

So starts the romance, this artificial passion
Going nowhere, your “stylistic fashion”
You call it “bonding” but you’re wrong
Go ahead, lead yourselves on

You’re a victim now, head over heels in chemical love
No surfacing now, you just can’t get enough

You just might crash if you don’t slow down
You’re aiming high but you’ll hit the ground
Before you know it, it’s gone in midair
Deadly Infatuation; enter if you dare

Can’t you feel the “love” tonight?
The illusion of your friendless mind
desperately searching for a single find
Shame you’re looking to no avail
You’re trying too hard, but you’re going to fail.

You just might crash if you don’t slow down
You’re aiming high but you’ll hit the ground
Before you know it, it’s gone in midair
Deadly Infatuation, enter if you dare

I liked that one a lot! There's this musical tune to it, it sounds very singable...heh...hey i'm sorry if i crammed your style before, i love your writing very much and it's unique so don't mind me it's just my opinion.
Deadly Infatuation was lyrical, and i like the rawness here.

I liked this line the most.

Post some more soon!

Pssh what are you talking about? You aren't carmming anything! People offend me 5,000 times worse than anything you could have possibly said! I love opinions anyways. XD

I wanted to add some difference to Deadly Infatuation, but I had to do it in a bit of a rush and it had to be very clear too. o_o I tried to convey a message and stuff, and apparently it worked.

Allright.

I worked on this for 3 weeks and got it done last night. V_V

Beautiful Massacre (Prelude to Angel of Death)

So stands the lone soldier at bay, waiting in the eerie silence;
Waiting, waiting for that single call.
The single word that would determine the fate of dozens, hundreds, thousands of lives;
Pinnacles of blinding light in the darkness, soon to be extinguished.
For that command would begin a blood bath, a death fest filled with malice and lack of all civility.
The battle would be nothing but suicidal martyrdom; complete reliance on petty faith.

Yet he kept his stance, always alert;
Tense at the slightest movement, the dullest glint of light or whisper of the blowing wind.

Sharp as a hawk yet still as ice;
Seemingly frozen in the midst of space and time.
He was ready, ready for the war that was just over the far off horizon.
If only he knew there was no turning back, no running away from this bloody inferno that would arise.

Even before it began, tension prevailed;
Silent chaos settled upon the bay like a raging tempest.
Yet all was seemingly calm.

Such irony for what was about to take place;
But that soldier, he didn’t know-
He stood there with one thought in mind;
Such a worthy distraction; the love he left behind.

Painful reminiscing of his once glorious past;
The day he left her on the street as she faded into the dust.
But his promise to her could not be erased;
It haunted him over and over, like a broken radio;
Playing out it’s final moments in a monotonous fashion.

He swore to return, he promised.
He would come back; united once again, safely in each others arms.
He swore to come home, swore the end was no where near…
If only he knew...If only she stopped him.
If only destiny could be torn apart and forgotten.
But how can you prevent the sorrowful end? It’s just around the corner, waiting to burst.
There was no call, no command to start the fighting;
An earsplitting explosion, a sudden crack of lightning.

Hell broke loose at once, the silence shattered;
Shattered into millions of broken pieces as the bomb dropped so suddenly.
Gunshots pierced the night as armies clashed together;
A moonlit extravaganza of bodies blown to nothing.

Such a beautiful massacre, a mass of bloody corpses;
A symphony of death and melancholy as all was engulfed by destruction;
Chaotic delusion spread upon that blood covered ground
never to be the same again; it was far too ravaged by time.

That one soldier still stood; one of few that remained.
A single soul against the wind, struggling to survive.
And then the gunshot that flung out of nowhere;
Pierced his heart and left him falling through catastrophic atmosphere.
Falling, falling, falling, gone.
His final thoughts revolved around her as he closed his eyes to the world for the very last time;
Never to awaken, ever again.
Laid to rest under a pile of ashes; ashes of charred bones and skin.

The aftermath was beyond the imaginable;
Bodies scattered for miles on end, mutilated and unrecognizable;
Twisted and tortured by the events of that tragedy, never to be right again.
Families would be torn to miniscule shreds; Children abandoned, loved ones left alone in the dark.
All due to pointless bloodshed- Why must history repeat itself so?

That girl; once whole, now fallen, alone;
Lost in ironic dreams of the bitter end.
She gazes into a point of no return;
Because there is no return, no turning away.
No correcting that death, the tragic mistake.
And she sits and weeps, mourning…

Forever through time, we’ll live and die.
But his death cannot be justified.
It will never be forgiven.
Forgiven by the girl who now weeps for her love;
Her love no longer living, forever lost in the calamities of war.
It will never be forgiven, never be forgiven…
For the promise she was handed just shattered to oblivion.