Ellen's Poetry - EvBoard

Ellen · 08-16-2006, 07:36 AM

Hey everybody. Well, this is my poem thread...yup. I'll keep posting poems every once in a while because I sure have a lot so keep checking back if you like them. Feel free to comment and criticism is greatly appreciated! Here's my first one. It's based on this really cool yet weird and quite scary dream I had a few months ago.

"Hidden"

Viewing gray skies
Of a dark December
The fire dies
With one last ember
On a cold beach
Rolls the foaming tide
Your articulate speech
Makes my eyes open wide
"You'll never be,"
Hope still runs low
"There's no way to flee"
Just how do you know?
I watch clouds drift by
At a pace so haunting
"If only I could fly,"
Is my wish so daunting
Lonely and forgotten
Bound by crisp, winter air
Wooden beams so rotten
Keep me captive in your lair
Dreaming of things
Intangible and forbidden
"If only I had wings,"
Maybe they're just hidden...

I hope you liked it!

Rose Garden · 08-16-2006, 11:21 AM

It's fine work. I'll try to interpret it. You feel trapped and/or afraid in this poem? It reminds me of my last relationship. My favorite part is:

Quote:

"If only I could fly,"
Is my wish so daunting
Lonely and forgotten
Bound by crisp, winter air
Wooden beams so rotten
Keep me captive in your lair
Dreaming of things
Intangible and forbidden
"If only I had wings,"
Maybe they're just hidden...

Ellen · 08-16-2006, 11:55 AM

Thanks! Yes, in the dream it was so creepy. There was no way to get out but a window, no doors or anything. I kept hitting the window but it wouldn't break and there was a space in the roof where I could see the sky. The only way I could get up was to fly up and out, but I couldn't.

Apryl · 08-16-2006, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Viewing gray skies
Of a dark December
The fire dies
With one last ember
On a cold beach
Rolls the foaming tide
Your articulate speech
Makes my eyes open wide
"You'll never be,"

Wow. You are an amazing writer, especially for your age. I love the way you describe things, and the wording you use. You should post some more.

Ashlee · 08-17-2006, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellen

Viewing gray skies
Of a dark December
The fire dies
With one last ember

such beautiful writing.

you have a very unique way of describing things.

i'd love to read more
<3

Raindrop · 08-17-2006, 02:03 PM

this poem is quite impressive! your rhyming pattern keeps the reader interested through the whole poem, and i loved your choice of vocabulary. nice work!

Ellen · 08-17-2006, 08:33 PM

Apryl: Thanks, I'm at my cousin's house now, but when I get home I'll post some more. =)

Ashlee: Thank you so much! =)

Raindrop: Thanks, no one's ever told me I have a good vocabulary. =)

†Elisabeth† · 08-18-2006, 08:16 PM

LURVVE the poem! You're so talented, like I said on the other board, too! <3

Miss Match · 08-19-2006, 12:12 AM

You're such a good writer, I absolutely loved it.
Can't wait to read more.

Ellen · 08-19-2006, 08:33 AM

Sarah: Thanks again!

Myuzik: Thank you!!

NEW POEM! Actually, I wrote it a long time ago.

Twelve

An emotional ballad
Looking back to the past
It's almost over
But I'd love it to last
Complete with piano
And chugging guitars
Her angelic voice soars
And reaches the stars
I'm left marveling
At this new music's power
It starts out soft
But crescendoes much louder
With each and every note
True beauty comes
I still can't believe
He called it all "dumb"
If you never listen
You're sure missing out
Just ask me and I'll tell you
What this poem's all about

Guess first, then I'll tell you. It's quite obvious to me...

08-16-2006, 07:36 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ellen Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: At the computer =) Age: 16 Posts: 372 Points: 223.60 Bank: 2,103.84 Total Points: 2,327.44 Donate	Ellen's Poetry Hey everybody. Well, this is my poem thread...yup. I'll keep posting poems every once in a while because I sure have a lot so keep checking back if you like them. Feel free to comment and criticism is greatly appreciated! Here's my first one. It's based on this really cool yet weird and quite scary dream I had a few months ago. "Hidden" Viewing gray skies Of a dark December The fire dies With one last ember On a cold beach Rolls the foaming tide Your articulate speech Makes my eyes open wide "You'll never be," Hope still runs low "There's no way to flee" Just how do you know? I watch clouds drift by At a pace so haunting "If only I could fly," Is my wish so daunting Lonely and forgotten Bound by crisp, winter air Wooden beams so rotten Keep me captive in your lair Dreaming of things Intangible and forbidden "If only I had wings," Maybe they're just hidden... I hope you liked it!

08-19-2006, 08:33 AM	#10 (permalink)
Ellen Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: At the computer =) Age: 16 Posts: 372 Points: 223.60 Bank: 2,103.84 Total Points: 2,327.44 Donate	Sarah: Thanks again! Myuzik: Thank you!! NEW POEM! Actually, I wrote it a long time ago. Twelve An emotional ballad Looking back to the past It's almost over But I'd love it to last Complete with piano And chugging guitars Her angelic voice soars And reaches the stars I'm left marveling At this new music's power It starts out soft But crescendoes much louder With each and every note True beauty comes I still can't believe He called it all "dumb" If you never listen You're sure missing out Just ask me and I'll tell you What this poem's all about Guess first, then I'll tell you. It's quite obvious to me... __________________ "You are who you are and there's no one like you. To try to be someone else is just a lie." -Amy Lee

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08-16-2006, 11:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ellen Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: At the computer =) Age: 16 Posts: 372 Points: 223.60 Bank: 2,103.84 Total Points: 2,327.44 Donate	Thanks! Yes, in the dream it was so creepy. There was no way to get out but a window, no doors or anything. I kept hitting the window but it wouldn't break and there was a space in the roof where I could see the sky. The only way I could get up was to fly up and out, but I couldn't.

08-17-2006, 02:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
Raindrop Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 27 Points: 244.94 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 244.94 Donate	this poem is quite impressive! your rhyming pattern keeps the reader interested through the whole poem, and i loved your choice of vocabulary. nice work!

08-17-2006, 08:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
Ellen Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: At the computer =) Age: 16 Posts: 372 Points: 223.60 Bank: 2,103.84 Total Points: 2,327.44 Donate	Apryl: Thanks, I'm at my cousin's house now, but when I get home I'll post some more. =) Ashlee: Thank you so much! =) Raindrop: Thanks, no one's ever told me I have a good vocabulary. =)

08-18-2006, 08:16 PM	#8 (permalink)
†Elisabeth† Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Virginia Age: 15 Posts: 30 Points: 284.33 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 284.33 Donate	LURVVE the poem! You're so talented, like I said on the other board, too! <3

08-19-2006, 12:12 AM	#9 (permalink)
Miss Match Gator Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Cali Age: 15 Posts: 58 Points: 1,848.43 Bank: 58.05 Total Points: 1,906.48 Donate	You're such a good writer, I absolutely loved it. Can't wait to read more.

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