Raskull - i liked the disjointed element to your poem when reading it, there was a subtle beat and flow throught. this greatly influenced how i viewed your take on the topic and it worked. i enjoyed your view and the beat set at the start and then revisted at the completion provided a sense of finality.

Sweet Tigger- a big improvement each time you submitt. you seem to develop a better understanding for exploring the topic a greater use of words. each poem you submit seems to be also starting to create an imaginary to the words you use instead of it just being text on the sceen. i am interested to see what you do next.

Jane- short but not lacking at all in anything. emotions and imaginary were so powerful and were so strongly experienced and felt. i am unsure why but yout poem sticks with me i think it is there is a certain ring of inescapble truth in there.

Silver Wing- PERFECT. each verse and each word seems to have been picked perfectly and there does not seem any other word that could be interchanged. the sense of remembering is so beautiful as is the use of colours throughout. it makes the poem more alive more tangible. the last verse makes the greatest impression and is powerful "I hold you closely bracing for what must follow... winter is coming"

Steph- like all your poems eash one resonates with me. i honestly loved it and felt it. i love this part "Arms outstretched, to complete, only to fall short instead, with the final puzzle piece, forever staying,just outside my reach" beautiful as usual with its definite flow and the impact is there.

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We're the faeries from hell and we're all on a death wish

Blackbird singing in the dead of night,

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Fly, Blackbird, fly

Into the light of the dark black night.

N'aaaaaaallllllright.


Good luck, I look forward to seeing what some of you can do with this.

Good topic Silver!!
Makes me think of all these different things, right off the bat.
Gosh, I can think of so many memories I have that have alot to do
with waterfalls, and just how beautiful it is, and how free I felt!
This one should be very interesting!!

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Is it too late to submit a piece for the "Fall" topic?

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It is, because the date has already past.....
BUT, I'm sure you can just add the past poem to a new
one!
I don't think, anyone would really mind that in the least,
but I would maybe ask Steph (Shivercide) just in case.

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If there are topics that have passed which you feel a particular inclination to write about or have inspired you to write something, then I would encourage you to instead post it in your own Your Stuff thread. The Writer's Group is a bi-weekly contribution based on topic, so when topics close, I feel that submissions should no longer be accepted; however, that is the benefit of having your own thread, which I believe you do.

Princess Mary: I'd encourage you to reformat your piece so that each line isn't spaced out so much; it takes away from what you've written. I also think you should explore more unique ways of using metaphors. Saying that you see "fluffy white clouds / soft as cotton" isn't very much of a stretch. It was nice to see a new face participate.

Silver Wing: I like the style chocies of your poem; I can tell you have a particular style when writing poetry, I'd encourage you to step out of your comfort zone in future topics. It's almost as if all of your poems are mini-edited short stories.

~river~: Interesting that the topic inspired these epic battle-type poems. I think here you've shown a very strong use of words, as opposed to what Princess Mary did. This would be a good example of how to take something simple and elevate it to something more meaningful and more profound. Good job.

Sweet Tigger: Like Silver Wing, it seems that I'm noticing a particular style/theme to your writing. I'd encourage you to step out of your comfort zone in the next topic and try to do something different. I'd also encourage you, if you don't already, to actually take time to read your writing aloud and see if that helps you create better phrases. I find some of your lines a bit too repetitve.

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Yay for waiting until the last minute. I'll try to get mine up later on. Until then...

Princess Mary - I love how you wrote about an actual waterfall, and not only that, but the entire surroundings. You captured the environment well, and while some lines were a bit cliche, I could picture it nicely in my head, along with the senses you described. I would love to see you take the metaphors to an even further, evolved level, though. It is nice to see you participating, I hope you continue to do so!

Jane - Yours rang of amazingness to me. I love not only what you built around the topic, but how you did it - the description of being carried along on a current of which no control is felt makes me shudder, but it's something that I feel myself when I think of life and the time ticking away. Seriously, well-done.

Silver Wing - Reading your poem is reminiscent of reading an inspirational story. I really enjoyed the philosophy that I got from it - stay safely in the place you've always known and are comfortable with, or take risks, face life's challenges and actually live life.

Shannon - The feeling of helplessness I got while reading yours nearly overwhelmed me, but not in a bad way. When you can reach the reader in such a way, you've done something very well. I could feel the breathlessness and lack of control you described. But when it came to the end, finding your way through a turmoil to only see that you have survived it, I could also feel the pressure of the rushing waters leave. You are great at capturing such feelings.

Trina - I agree with Jane about the repetitiveness in some of your lines, and poetry as a whole. It's cool that you can easily turn something that feels negative into a positive, but the way you go about it seems to repeat itself in every poem you write. Try expanding a bit; it's nice to have your own style of writing to an extent, but in the words and content it'd be great to see something new.

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could make me love you less...

Well, I was hoping to wait until Steph got hers up to post, but I want to give the next person a fair chance to come up with a topic.

Princess Mary - Most of my criticism has already been covered by others. I liked that you took the topic at face value and wrote about an actual waterfall; sometimes the obvious path is the one no one chooses. I enjoyed the simplicity of your poem, and I thought it was well formed. My main criticism was with the double-spacing... that's fine if it adds to your work, but I found it distracting... it interrupted the flow of your work. Also, I would have ommitted that post script; telling us that you wrote this in less than a minute just says that it's something you threw together without much care. You don't have to explain your work; let it explain itself.

Jane - I could feel the anticipation in your work. I like how your poems tend to be some of the shortest, but most powerful in this thread. You show us all how less is often more, and do it powerfully and succinctly. I like the variance of color on certain words for emphasis. I also like the way you describe being surrounded by people moving in the same direction, yet you are alone among them. The ending was a bit abrupt I thought, but as I went back and read it a few more times, I decided that it was appropriate, as endings do often come suddenly in life.

Shannon - Yours is simply brilliant. The feeling of being out of control of your own life... to rush toward something beyond your control - the feeling was palpable. I really liked how you described going over the edge, and how you began to find a measure of control on the other side. I read it as a metaphor for the way life can temper a soul - that often we have to go over the edge to find ourselves on the other side. Well done, I loved it.

Trina - You always write such inspirational work, and I love that you bring that to this thread. I have, like others, noticed that your poems often start dark and end with some kind of redemption; but I don't attribute any fault to this. I find them very enjoyable to read, and I look forward to seeing more from you. I think your personality shines through in your poetry, maybe moreso than anyone else here, and that lends a degree of genuiness to your work that is very refreshing.

Okay... so I nominate Princess Mary to choose the next topic. Good luck!

Shivercide: Your poem just reminded me at how creative really everyone was with this week's topic. You can really just take one little idea and stretch it, morph it, or take it to wherever you want to go... and take it as far or short as you want. I can't get over how well you use words together and how you're so easily able to make them play off of each other.

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