this body is a capsule
for all that's hidden underneath;
for everything that's broken,
for everything discreet.

in between the lines,
you might find the dust
of handprints...
carefully outlining
the essence
of heartstrings torn.

but it's in the eyes that serve
as dream doors,
glazing over with the hope
that has never learned quite well
how to
depart.

it's in slight joy i'm feeling
just by blinking
with the stars.
to feel the warmth
of early sunrise
enveloping
my skin.




in this i find discretion
begin to be
released.

Conflicting Emotions:

Saw you from a distance;
Compelled to approach.
Invisible chains,
Tightly wound, around my waist,
To keep me in my place…

Because your posture speaks of elegance,
Radiance, and life…
It’s enough, to see your face;
Imagine you in my arms tonight.

***

Your laughter sings to me;
Unclouded by a crowded room.
Yet still I’m stationary;
Conflicting emotions,
Clamor through my enamored mind.

Your soul it seems,
Seeps through all around you.

Dare I move closer?
Dare I move at all?

Will my feet betray my motive;
Uncertainty, slip through my smile?

In spite of my desire,
Every inch seems like a mile.

So I imagine what I’d say,
But won’t…

“I just want, to kiss your lips…”
…

“Lose myself inside your eyes…”
…

“And hold you in my arms tonight.”

__________________

She sits, staring down the hallway.
The Open door calling her name.
She's not sure she wants to go through,
The unknown scaring her to death.

If she doesn't pass through,
Will her life stay the same,
Or is she expecting change from the unknown,
Answers she can never recieve.

Something calls to her,
But can she ignore it?
She doesn't want things to change,
The fear of the unknown is tormenting her.

She starts heading down the corridor,
A strange force drawing her to the open door.
She's not sure what's causing her feet to move.
Strange singing on the otherside of the door.

She reaches the door.
Screams
Turns the other way.
The unknown was the wrong path.

What caused her temporary lapse of judgement?
Why did the door cause so much commotion?
She's not a creature of change,
Her life needs to be in order for her to be happy.

What was the singing,
She asks herself.
Why won't it leave her thoughts?
Will she ever find out?

__________________


MY MYSPACE / My Poetry / MY Story

__________________

You have the key, you have the will, and still you keep on running
Towards where she sits and hides, behind the closed door
Your endless lives, you live with love and she with hate
Using beauty and song to lure you to where she awaits

The devil incarnate is beautiful
She looks just like you
Her eyes blue, and yours red
You'd expect the opposite

Flowers, they smell so sweet as you run down the stone halls
Towards her prison, her lonely prison
Where only one has gone before
His body died, yet still he continues trapped inside of it
The one you love will share the same fate
For you are just like your sister

Naivety is going to kill you tonight
You insert the key as the future flashes before your eyes
Fiery storms, blood soaked grass, and the children dying for what you do now
The door is closed, but you promised
The door is closed, you must keep a promise

You want her to sing for father and his guests
But she will do more than sing tonight
The battle that started in the womb will reach a new level tonight
Everyone will lose their blood
And you will die inside

These actions are only natural, your kind does not resist bloodlust
These actions are only natural, you want to be like her
You have the same face, yet different eyes
I wonder what this means
She is poison to you, yet you still live through dreams

The door is closed, but you promised

Insert the key now

The door is closed, but you must keep that promise

Creaking slowly open...

Open...

Open...

Open...

Their fate is sealed, the deal is done
You have started the new age
One will rule, one will die
You do not yet know your fate

You're family dies around you, always
Even 100 years after the fact your younger brother is raped and dies
Your father killed by your own hand

What will he think?

This is what you chose, through your naivety
You released her unto the world, now you must learn to pay

The door is open, you kept your promise

Now there is another you must keep

Open Door

Gray sky morning,
the sound of cars on the street,
ordinary day, nothing new, nothing special.
Saying goodbye -
the eternal loss of youth,
the last day,
the final embrace,
before he becomes one more face in the crowd,
one more soul wrapped in camo,
on the endless march away.

Unbidden tears rising to the surface
overwhelming the dams of eyelashes.
This isn't how it was supposed to happen.
The inconsistancies of life rip us apart,
a fabric that shows the seam
when it's sewed back together.
Something that can't be patched.

His soul raw,
he writes to me,
but the words are somehow not his own.
A bravado that didn't belong to him,
stoicism unfamiliar on a much-beloved face
peeks out from every picture sent.
Won't be able to write for a few weeks,
won't be around for awhile,
and don't worry, no matter what you read,
drink a long island iced tea for me -
if I don't come home,
don't forget me.
Words he doesn't write, but wants me to hear,
his voice a memory, echoing across an endless sea.

Gray sky through the window,
I stare at the forboding clouds.
I've lingered too long
in the safety of my childhood,
pretending he would always be okay.
But finality rings through this last development,
and I have no choice
but to leave that world behind,
embrace the future,
no matter the consequences,
accept the fate that might be ours,
reach out and shut
the open door.

For S.M.M. - I love you

__________________
But I know the difference between myself and my reflection.
I just can't help but to wonder which of us do you love?

Fallen...Risen...We're All the Same

through scorched breaths she screams,
love forsook her passionate desires,
from her eyes she bleeds.

he's still whispering in her ear,
and she begs it's end,
but they're distant and longful,
things he doesn't understand.

In fear she weeps,
in lust he begs,
kissing her feet.

Care to take a look?
to actually understand?
to hear the suffering,
to sympathize regret?

he's whispering in your ear too,
you just don't want to hear,
but when the time is right,
you'll feel him next to you.

caressing you,
undressing you,
breaking your skin,
breaking your will.

a chill to the bone,
that cannot be cured,
no matter how many logs you burn,
how many blankets you climb under.

Your Satan,
my Jesus,
Your Demon,
my corrupted angel.

Care to understand?
to open your eyes again?
to ask the agonizing question,
are we alone?

Are we really stalking shadows?
or are the shadows stalking us?
waiting for the right moment,
to rip away our feet,
pull us under,
pull us in,
and covet our souls,
until no one else can.

are your prayers really answered?
does God work in mysterious ways?
or are the ways not so mysterious,
but rather is the excuse given For his laziness?

Is Satan really evil?
or are we the masters of our pain?
Destroying our own happiness,
and blaming it on shame?

Open your eyes,
Open your mind,
listen to the whispers in your ear,
make your choice.

Truly understand Pain,
before you cast it's master down,
Truly understand Happiness,
before you hold it's master high.

and think of the others,
who live in the trees,
behind the bushes,
waiting patiently.

Their lady comes from the North,
Their Sire from the South,
Their Demons from the West,
Their Angels from the East.

All rushing to a similar fate,
a War of worlds and pain,
A war of indifference,
Cast about in blame.

Behind the Door to hell she waits,
the whispers still tormenting her night and day,
her savior never came,
He's the only one to open the door,
open her eyes,
open her mind,
and take her soul,
for every whisper told her,
what she was really ment to be.

__________________
~A flower that hides its Petals, never blooms.~
~OLI NEEDS TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET RIGHT NOW~

I stand in front of this door
Knowing what’s behind it
It’s what I always wanted
Every dream come true, to every fantasy
But I'm scared
I can see all the light coming in
Making the rectangle shape of it
And the lights so bright it burns my eyes

But there’s no door knob
No pushing or pulling to get in
It’s stuck not even a movement
It’s solid within
But I think to myself
Pacing back and forth
Just trying to figure it out
I shout inside my head so loud
I thought someone actually heard me
Why would there be a door
And not let me in?!!!!
The insanity of this game I wish not to play
It makes me agree
It’s driving me crazy
I'm in my head thinking! Thinking!

But wait I never really wanted it to open
I thought I did
But with my mind, not my heart
I wasn't ready
And I yelled at you
For never taking on your dreams
Cause you were scared
You just couldn't get in like me

The thing is I'm so scared to really open another door
Even if it’s more of what I want
But I'm so comfortable here
In between the door I opened a long time ago and the new door
That taunts me
I made it my home
But I guess to succeed you need to walk through
Another door
To get to any place
That you wanna go
So here I go

But fear comes within
So you scare yourself
To wanna quit and run and hide
It’s you that keeps you back not the open door
It was open, you just closed it

The Open Door

A mangled sofa dying on the appartement floor.
That's what I see through the open door.
Cobwebs hung so decandantly as though she
Took each painful hour with glee.
Cracks in the walls driving through the paint,
Cracks under her sunken eyes she looked from.
It cracked up her life and left her dying,
Her veins split open and her family crying.
I walk on in, a tourist to her life of selling
And buying and using and always abusing.
A door opened once, yet closed across the world.
We bury those before they are old.
We bury those who are gone from their head,
Lost so young they die before dead.

__________________