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DistantMemories · 09-05-2006, 10:42 AM

In the shadows of your mind,
i frighten you,
i am not kind.
Silence

Though you have never spoke me,
i may be the one thing you wish to say,
but you're too scared of what they may think me to be.

I am always alone in my quest,
despite how much I put out,
i speak more than the rest...
just less words.

I am silence.
the darkest thing a person may speak,
yet, the greatest thing to fall on deaf ears.
Never will you have to face me directly,
for i am everywhere.

DistantMemories · 09-05-2006, 10:42 AM

In the shadows of your mind,
i frighten you,
i am not kind.
Silence

Though you have never spoke me,
i may be the one thing you wish to say,
but you're too scared of what they may think me to be.

I am always alone in my quest,
despite how much I put out,
i speak more than the rest...
just less words.

I am silence.
the darkest thing a person may speak,
yet, the greatest thing to fall on deaf ears.
Never will you have to face me directly,
for i am everywhere.

Shivercide · 09-06-2006, 07:21 AM

hold onto me,
believe in me -
with the dawn comes anew,
smiling upon me.
a new hope,
a new reason to inhale...
of a breath of a dream of a beginning.

pull me away,
from between the separation
that has divided
the old me
from the new -
a loathed me,
undeserving of your sweetness:

hold onto me,
endure me -
for when i try to break
from you
i never truly mean it.

fleeting time has cracked the memory
of such self-image,
of what i am.
i've let a haunted past define me,
forcing its way
into each day,
making stranger of
the present:

hold onto me,
lend your strength to me -
i don't want to forget,
but i wish to choose...
to weep, to loosen
the grip it keeps upon my soul.

it's come too close,
much too close to home.
the strangled cry
has cut away within
(deep down in).

hold onto me,
keep me close -
so i can feel the strength of your heart
beating against me,
fighting with me...
fighting for another day
and another chance to
breathe.

-jumbled jigsaw pieces are
strewn about this blurred
identity-

hold onto me,
keep me on the path
leading to myself -
for i know i'll be all right
if it's you there, by my side
holding me together.

and promise me that it's okay
to be this weak
sometimes
- breaking down had never felt so good before -
...to rest my head
and let myself exhale...
a breath of a dream of an ending.

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 09-06-2006, 03:50 PM

Look! What a funny willow doll’s climbing on the wall...
Isn’t it crasy?
It was made of war, broken dreams, some love
And of words “may be”!
It’s just what it meant to be by the life that seems be real –
Everything’s borrowed...
Not fulfilling dream, never strugling fear
Absolutely hollowed!

Raindrop tears on its eyes...
Smiling lips that carry lies...
But it’s broken by a mind of lonely Grace
Which is walking nearby in the flying gauzy dress...

Hello
It’s me!

Look! I’m tied by a brown ribbon
To the broken heart of dying willow
That somehow became a doll...
Look! My motion is slowed down
While that doll goes dance around
And we’re all alone ... I know!

Look! The moon is so much whiter
I am sad for doll and quite for
Everything I let to happen to this world!
Look! This doll... is like a mirror
Of a Grace which is wearing willow...
It’s my part I have to show!

And no one knows this Grace
She’s hidden in the chains
Of broken doll that dance
What everyone would like to see!
And no one knows this Grace
Her dress is night, a pen’s her guide...
A doll and Grace – a blurred identity of me!

Darko · 09-07-2006, 09:51 AM

The unMother.

My job is a mother but I'm unemployed,
I'm living alone in a home I destroyed.
My eldest is 8 but was never born
My youngest in 6 but he is on loan.

There are measures I take to fill the void,
Everday at four o clock I break
The childproof lock on a bottle of pills.
If not at four then whenever I ache
For the little pitter patter of
Feet growing up. To be a parent
and not have to endure this blurred
Indentity of what could have been.

A stack of mothercare magazines
Next to my sofa. I gaze at the pictures
And imagine eight and six - Fiona and jack
Not under a gravestone to never come back
Or under the rule of a proper family.
I just take some more pills with a cup of green tea.

I've changed my mind and I want my job back
So I'll keep being blue untill the world turns black.

Return To Chaos · 09-07-2006, 12:09 PM

Blurred Identity

How can anyone assume that they know me when, really, I don’t even know myself?

The sun is shining, without a fluffy white cloud in the baby blue sky. I have to blink for a second and let my eyes adjust the unnatural brightness of the morning’s light. The sun is warm on my made-up face and tanned bare arms, but I can still feel the gentle breeze that lifts my hazelnut coloured hair off my shoulders. The scent of the vanilla flavoured coffee in the mug I carry is like heaven to me – warm and sweet. I leave the half empty mug on the railing of the porch before descending the couple of steps to the patio. The five foot high wrought iron fence that surrounds the property keeps all the unwanted ones out and only me in. I’ve tried keeping a small garden – vegetables, flowers, shrubs – for over two years now, but no matter what I do, everything always ends up dead. I take a moment and enjoy staring at the wilted and shriveled greenery. For some strange reason, I always get something out of that.

As I continue along, I feel the smooth patio stones under my barefeet. The fountain in the middle of the yard is quietly gurgling water. It’s clear and cool to the touch. I peer over the edge of the ancient looking fountain and stare right through myself. I was hoping that only a faint shadow would appear, but as usual, the reflection I fear never goes away. The bubbling water causes ripples to travel across what I see, which distorts the image even more. It’s a perfect replica of who I am – nothing but a thousand shattered pieces of me. A single tear falls into the water representing sadness, confusion, and lack of … identity. My fingerprints and footprints leave not a trace of the meaningless presence that exists. The gargoyles and gnomes that guard this fountain seem to be almost mocking me. They look like they have been here for as long as this hundred-year-old fountain has. At least they’re inanimate and don’t have to deal with an identity crisis.

The fence that surrounds the property is the fence that I use to isolate myself from the cold cruel world. It’s safe, secure, and the way it’s going to be from now until … possibly forever. Right now, my identity, both inside and out, is blurry – not sure of who it is and why it’s here. This blurred identity is hoping that it will someday heal the wounds it has created and walk through the gate that remains closed to all, including itself.

charmedone2006 · 09-07-2006, 05:07 PM

Cloak My Every Doubt

I’ve spent my life trying to deal with my past,
Dealing with the future,
And dealing with the present,
But I never know who I am.

I can’t hide behind my façade anymore,
The lies I’ve been telling myself,
No longer exist in my mind.
A wall comes crashing down.

I no longer have a blurred identity,
Life is beginning to make sense again.
I can’t hate myself like I used to,
I can no longer run from the pain of my soul.

I need to be strong,
Be collected,
Be worth a damn to myself,
Be a human again.

Life is meant to live,
Not to hide,
To die inside,
Or to cry!

Where do I turn,
With this wealth of unrequited knowledge?
What can I do,
With the rest of my eased soul?

This blurred identity has hidden me for so long,
If it no longer is part of me,
Who am I inside,
Or outside of my heart?

Will love conquer my essence,
Destroy my demons of fear,
Cloak my every doubt?
Or destroy everything I believe in?

Who will answer my call?
When will my blurred identity show my true loving form?
When can I exist again with a loving soul?
When will I stop caring about others first and myself last?

psycho_fish · 09-08-2006, 04:44 PM

my 3rd entry:

dont give shit!
too broken to notice!
to lost to notice,
find out who i am,
find out why.
find out why,
find out whats wrong
with me!
blurred face,
blurred my soul,
blurred....

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 09-10-2006, 10:28 AM

CROWD

They're standing next to me and all're the same
They're playing this annoying game and have no name
They're blurring in my eyes... is this all real?
I'm drawning in identity of a thousand me!

And you become so similar to me too - you are my fake
And I become a little lame, go out of frame
I'm trying to keep my own way... go crazy that day
when I have no space to stay the same!

They're standing next to me and all're the same!
I see no difference in faces! oh! what a shame -
I've found there a piece of me, but tell
am I so special like I do feel?
Or am I blurred identity of a crowd I live in?

Carmen · 09-11-2006, 12:24 PM

Paint me a picture,
tell me who I am.
Whisper softly to me,
Make me feel alive

Sounds crashing all around me,
Barely a feeling inside.
Eyes melting into a shadow,
A tear forms down my face.

Give me my doll to hold onto,
Give her beauty and life.
Cast all my aching feelings,
aside or into the darkness.

Numb and uncomfortable,
I feel the air breath on my lips.
One sight I lose focus,

just tell me,

Who am I?

09-05-2006, 10:42 AM	#151 (permalink)
DistantMemories Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Under the Rose Posts: 153 Points: 488.40 Bank: 2,366.60 Total Points: 2,855.00 Donate	In the shadows of your mind, i frighten you, i am not kind. Silence Though you have never spoke me, i may be the one thing you wish to say, but you're too scared of what they may think me to be. I am always alone in my quest, despite how much I put out, i speak more than the rest... just less words. I am silence. the darkest thing a person may speak, yet, the greatest thing to fall on deaf ears. Never will you have to face me directly, for i am everywhere. __________________ ~A flower that hides its Petals, never blooms.~ ~OLI NEEDS TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET RIGHT NOW~

09-05-2006, 10:42 AM	#152 (permalink)
DistantMemories Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Under the Rose Posts: 153 Points: 488.40 Bank: 2,366.60 Total Points: 2,855.00 Donate	In the shadows of your mind, i frighten you, i am not kind. Silence Though you have never spoke me, i may be the one thing you wish to say, but you're too scared of what they may think me to be. I am always alone in my quest, despite how much I put out, i speak more than the rest... just less words. I am silence. the darkest thing a person may speak, yet, the greatest thing to fall on deaf ears. Never will you have to face me directly, for i am everywhere. __________________ ~A flower that hides its Petals, never blooms.~ ~OLI NEEDS TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET RIGHT NOW~

09-06-2006, 03:50 PM	#154 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 23 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	And no one knows this Grace Look! What a funny willow doll’s climbing on the wall... Isn’t it crasy? It was made of war, broken dreams, some love And of words “may be”! It’s just what it meant to be by the life that seems be real – Everything’s borrowed... Not fulfilling dream, never strugling fear Absolutely hollowed! Raindrop tears on its eyes... Smiling lips that carry lies... But it’s broken by a mind of lonely Grace Which is walking nearby in the flying gauzy dress... Hello It’s me! Look! I’m tied by a brown ribbon To the broken heart of dying willow That somehow became a doll... Look! My motion is slowed down While that doll goes dance around And we’re all alone ... I know! Look! The moon is so much whiter I am sad for doll and quite for Everything I let to happen to this world! Look! This doll... is like a mirror Of a Grace which is wearing willow... It’s my part I have to show! And no one knows this Grace She’s hidden in the chains Of broken doll that dance What everyone would like to see! And no one knows this Grace Her dress is night, a pen’s her guide... A doll and Grace – a blurred identity of me! __________________ My stuff ... My band... My land ...the children of chernobyl... Last edited by Svetlana-S.V.D. : 09-07-2006 at 02:26 AM.

09-07-2006, 09:51 AM	#155 (permalink)
Darko Poetry Queen Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: England Age: 18 Posts: 1,124 Points: 8,234.83 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 8,234.83 Donate	The unMother. My job is a mother but I'm unemployed, I'm living alone in a home I destroyed. My eldest is 8 but was never born My youngest in 6 but he is on loan. There are measures I take to fill the void, Everday at four o clock I break The childproof lock on a bottle of pills. If not at four then whenever I ache For the little pitter patter of Feet growing up. To be a parent and not have to endure this blurred Indentity of what could have been. A stack of mothercare magazines Next to my sofa. I gaze at the pictures And imagine eight and six - Fiona and jack Not under a gravestone to never come back Or under the rule of a proper family. I just take some more pills with a cup of green tea. I've changed my mind and I want my job back So I'll keep being blue untill the world turns black. __________________ .stretch it like it's a birth squeeze. Last edited by Darko : 09-07-2006 at 10:29 AM.

09-07-2006, 05:07 PM	#157 (permalink)
charmedone2006 Life Of an unpaid Poet Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: New Britain, Ct Age: 24 Posts: 153 Points: 1,770.97 Bank: 6,308.82 Total Points: 8,079.79 Donate	Second Attempt at "Blurred Identity" Cloak My Every Doubt I’ve spent my life trying to deal with my past, Dealing with the future, And dealing with the present, But I never know who I am. I can’t hide behind my façade anymore, The lies I’ve been telling myself, No longer exist in my mind. A wall comes crashing down. I no longer have a blurred identity, Life is beginning to make sense again. I can’t hate myself like I used to, I can no longer run from the pain of my soul. I need to be strong, Be collected, Be worth a damn to myself, Be a human again. Life is meant to live, Not to hide, To die inside, Or to cry! Where do I turn, With this wealth of unrequited knowledge? What can I do, With the rest of my eased soul? This blurred identity has hidden me for so long, If it no longer is part of me, Who am I inside, Or outside of my heart? Will love conquer my essence, Destroy my demons of fear, Cloak my every doubt? Or destroy everything I believe in? Who will answer my call? When will my blurred identity show my true loving form? When can I exist again with a loving soul? When will I stop caring about others first and myself last? __________________ MY MYSPACE / My Poetry / MY Story

09-06-2006, 07:21 AM	#153 (permalink)
Shivercide Is too sweet Join Date: Jul 2003 Age: 24 Posts: 3,139 Points: 30,304.03 Bank: 3,948,856.11 Total Points: 3,979,160.14 Donate	hold onto me, believe in me - with the dawn comes anew, smiling upon me. a new hope, a new reason to inhale... of a breath of a dream of a beginning. pull me away, from between the separation that has divided the old me from the new - a loathed me, undeserving of your sweetness: hold onto me, endure me - for when i try to break from you i never truly mean it. fleeting time has cracked the memory of such self-image, of what i am. i've let a haunted past define me, forcing its way into each day, making stranger of the present: hold onto me, lend your strength to me - i don't want to forget, but i wish to choose... to weep, to loosen the grip it keeps upon my soul. it's come too close, much too close to home. the strangled cry has cut away within (deep down in). hold onto me, keep me close - so i can feel the strength of your heart beating against me, fighting with me... fighting for another day and another chance to breathe. -jumbled jigsaw pieces are strewn about this blurred identity- hold onto me, keep me on the path leading to myself - for i know i'll be all right if it's you there, by my side holding me together. and promise me that it's okay to be this weak sometimes - breaking down had never felt so good before - ...to rest my head and let myself exhale... a breath of a dream of an ending.

09-07-2006, 12:09 PM	#156 (permalink)
Return To Chaos Registered User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Ontario Age: 20 Posts: 410 Points: 295.76 Bank: 1,833.19 Total Points: 2,128.95 Donate	Blurred Identity How can anyone assume that they know me when, really, I don’t even know myself? The sun is shining, without a fluffy white cloud in the baby blue sky. I have to blink for a second and let my eyes adjust the unnatural brightness of the morning’s light. The sun is warm on my made-up face and tanned bare arms, but I can still feel the gentle breeze that lifts my hazelnut coloured hair off my shoulders. The scent of the vanilla flavoured coffee in the mug I carry is like heaven to me – warm and sweet. I leave the half empty mug on the railing of the porch before descending the couple of steps to the patio. The five foot high wrought iron fence that surrounds the property keeps all the unwanted ones out and only me in. I’ve tried keeping a small garden – vegetables, flowers, shrubs – for over two years now, but no matter what I do, everything always ends up dead. I take a moment and enjoy staring at the wilted and shriveled greenery. For some strange reason, I always get something out of that. As I continue along, I feel the smooth patio stones under my barefeet. The fountain in the middle of the yard is quietly gurgling water. It’s clear and cool to the touch. I peer over the edge of the ancient looking fountain and stare right through myself. I was hoping that only a faint shadow would appear, but as usual, the reflection I fear never goes away. The bubbling water causes ripples to travel across what I see, which distorts the image even more. It’s a perfect replica of who I am – nothing but a thousand shattered pieces of me. A single tear falls into the water representing sadness, confusion, and lack of … identity. My fingerprints and footprints leave not a trace of the meaningless presence that exists. The gargoyles and gnomes that guard this fountain seem to be almost mocking me. They look like they have been here for as long as this hundred-year-old fountain has. At least they’re inanimate and don’t have to deal with an identity crisis. The fence that surrounds the property is the fence that I use to isolate myself from the cold cruel world. It’s safe, secure, and the way it’s going to be from now until … possibly forever. Right now, my identity, both inside and out, is blurry – not sure of who it is and why it’s here. This blurred identity is hoping that it will someday heal the wounds it has created and walk through the gate that remains closed to all, including itself.

09-08-2006, 04:44 PM	#158 (permalink)
psycho_fish Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Age: 18 Posts: 173 Points: 888.96 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 888.96 Donate	my 3rd entry: dont give shit! too broken to notice! to lost to notice, find out who i am, find out why. find out why, find out whats wrong with me! blurred face, blurred my soul, blurred.... __________________ amo-te para sempre carla http://www.evboard.com/showthread.php?t=31607 please check my art

09-10-2006, 10:28 AM	#159 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 23 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	another one CROWD They're standing next to me and all're the same They're playing this annoying game and have no name They're blurring in my eyes... is this all real? I'm drawning in identity of a thousand me! And you become so similar to me too - you are my fake And I become a little lame, go out of frame I'm trying to keep my own way... go crazy that day when I have no space to stay the same! They're standing next to me and all're the same! I see no difference in faces! oh! what a shame - I've found there a piece of me, but tell am I so special like I do feel? Or am I blurred identity of a crowd I live in? __________________ My stuff ... My band... My land ...the children of chernobyl... Last edited by Svetlana-S.V.D. : 09-10-2006 at 10:40 AM.

09-11-2006, 12:24 PM	#160 (permalink)
Carmen Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: England Age: 21 Posts: 1,781 Points: 9,392.57 Bank: 18,743.34 Total Points: 28,135.92 Donate	Paint me a picture, tell me who I am. Whisper softly to me, Make me feel alive Sounds crashing all around me, Barely a feeling inside. Eyes melting into a shadow, A tear forms down my face. Give me my doll to hold onto, Give her beauty and life. Cast all my aching feelings, aside or into the darkness. Numb and uncomfortable, I feel the air breath on my lips. One sight I lose focus, just tell me, Who am I? __________________ Without passion we truly would be dead My Stuff \|\| My Space Last edited by Carmen : 09-11-2006 at 12:28 PM.

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