darkhorse

Okay, my best friend and I have known each other for 10 years and we consider each other family. Now keeping in mind, I am 24 and she is 23. She has been friends with a 17 year old for months now, which I don't have a problem with cause I'm kinda friends with this girl too. We both coached this girl in soccer and were around when she was struggling with personal issues and an almost suicide. Well, after this, they both became good friends. Now my problem is this: I don't trust the relationship because it was based on A LOT of drama. I believe this girl is only around because she feels like she owes my friend for saving her life. They talk on Messenger every night for at least 3 hours, or they talk on the phone for about the same amount of time. My friend mentions her to me at least 10 times a day and they are ridiculous when they are around each other; you'd think they were a couple (no my friend is not a lesbian). There is some jealousy, but mostly there's hurt because my friend shares absolutely everything with this girl and won't share anything with me. She considers this girl closer than family and has complete 100% trust in her. I kind of stumbled across some things that for some reason she wouldn't share with me, which has been very hard to digest. I also feel like a third wheel when I'm around them. Even though we have known each other for so long, if she ever had to make a choice between which one of us to save, I know it would not be me. I have tried to talk to her in the past about this, but I don't know if she really heard me, or if she cared. Does anyone have any other ideas about how to approach this, or what else I could possibly do?

Kaydee

My situation was a little different from yours but kinda the same. We were best friends in high school. After high school we lived together. Her boyfriend was my ex boyfriends good friend. We hooked them up. Well we kinda faded away from each other. She started hanging out with the wives/girl friends of her boyfriends friends. I got jealous!! REAL JEALOUS! Particularly over this girl named Pam. She so took my spot in my best friends life. It was always PAM PAM PAM! It really hit hard when they got married. I was supposed to be her maid of honor. Well I was shoved out the door first and didn't get to stand next to her on this important day. Petty I know. So here recently, 6 years later....Her hubby has this over the road truck job. He is gone all week long and home on the weekends. So every Wednesday i go over there for dinner and to hang out. Well Pam would drop by sometimes. We would chat on the porch while we were smoking. I got to know Pam. I always thought Pam was the DEVIL!! But I found out she's not. I took the time to get to know her. To find out why my best friend liked her so much. So a couple of weeks ago I was talking to my best friend and said you know what ' Pam is kinda growin' on me" My best friend yelled at me and "WOW IT ONLY TOOK 6 YEARS"

So what I am trying to say is... maybe you should take the time to get to know this girl that your best friend is so fond of. You might just be friends with her too. You never know. I felt like the 3rd wheel for the longest time. I don't anymore. I just accept the fact that my best friend has someone else too. It has made our friendship even stronger now.

I do wish the best for you. I know it's hard. It won't happen over night either.

UndergroundDiva

well, i know this problem, only that i wasnt the 3rd wheel but the "new girlfriend". that wasnt easy for me either. okay, before this is getting complicated, I'll name the girls( not the real names). the former best friends are Lisa and.. say... Tina. And I, in this case, am Anna. Anna got into that sportsclub and made friends with Tina. Anna and Tina started to hang out, got along great and then, like two months later, they met lisa and tian introduced them. For about three months, anna didnt see lisa but continued hanging out with tina and then, suddenly, she got an e-mail from lisa. lisa was totally mad at her and wouldnt stop insulting her. And so, tina and lisa fought with each other, lisa and anna fought anyway, and because it didnt work with the three of them, tina started fighting with anna as well. so, as a result, none of them are friends anymore, which is the biggest bullshit.

What I wanna say, don't be mad at that "new" girl. She maybe doesnt even know how much she's hurting you. like kaydee said, get to know her, maybe make friends with her... although its true that a threesome won't really last when two have been real "friends forever couple" before.
the situation may be difficult, but if you're really such great friends, you'll get over it. just don't shout at her or anything, defensive, not offensive.
It's all gonna be okay.

Nookie

well, considering that you two were best friends (almost like family) before and then this new girl came along...I suggest that its better for you to keep your cool and let both of 'em have their time. And if you can, sometime bring up the subject between you two when this other girl is not there. Tell your best friend how you feel and how its affecting you. Once she knows how you feel she'lle change her ways. Best friends are till the end. especially if they are true friends. It's natural to feel left out and jelaous. Just tell her and im pretty sure things will turn out for the best. And hey, you never know, you might end up being close to that girl as you are with your best friend. You never know

brutalconcept

Okay from past experiences do not freak out on your friend, I mean full on yelling match. Stay relaxed, I know its overly hard. Things should work themselves out. Dude I was in the situation, well somewhat the same. I decided to freak on my friend, the stress got to me and I freaked. And it was the dumbest thing I could have done. After that we didn’t talk for a good 8 months. But we are now, we hang out, make asses of ourselves and talk like the old times. Maybe tell your friend how much you care about her and just let her know that. It doesn’t hurt to let her know. Your hurting and your friend may not know how much you are hurting. Let her know, but when your talking to her use “I”, “I feel, I‘ve noticed, I‘m pissed”, a lot, makes it seem like the blame is more on you and the friend won’t get offended. Cause if you said “You keep leaving me out ” and shit like that your just going to piss her off. It sucks though, having someone around you all the time and then they aren’t there as much, it’s a big hit to take. Stay calm, relax, your friendship has lasted 10 years, that’s along time, so clearly you guys make good friends. Let her know your pain and that you miss her. Good luck, I truly hope it works out for you. And for the love of whatever you believe in, do not freak out!

numb_tothe_core

I had the same problem and just recently fixed it. She was getting to be friends with a bunch of preps that used to hate me and her. I felt jealous and I confronted her about it. We came to an agreement that she'd talk to me more and quit putting me off and then she made me promise that I'd try very hard to accept her friends. I feel....relieved.....

darkhorse

Yeah, I understand what all of you are saying and I thank-you for your comments. I am trying really hard to be patient with this new friendship, but it is extremely difficult. Unfortunately right now, there's really no time to sit down with my friend and discuss this. We are both quite busy right now and I'm also not very good at confrontation. For the time being I'm just doing what I can to not let this problem consume me cause usually when that happens I either explode and lash out at people I love, or I keep it inside me until I become very miserable and depressed. I must say this before I go........AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! VERY FRUSTRATING! Alright, I'm done and feel slightly (very slightly) better.

xblufiregtrgrlx

I had almost the same problem with my best friend. We were best friends from ages 9 through 13 but when we hit 8th grade, we completely fell apart. She had a boyfriend in 9th grade at the time and was making friends with all these upperclassmen and I was just kinda there. I kept just hoping that eventually it would pass and once she and her boyfriend broke up, everything would go back to normal. I was so wrong. They've broken up, but things are completely different between us now. We used to be closer than sisters. We did everything together, went everywhere together, were always at each others' house, etc. And now we never talk on the phone, I never see her anymore, and when we do talk, it's more of a "hey how ya doin" type thing. We're no where near as close as we used to be, and as much as it pains me to say it, I think we've just grown apart.

So, take my advice if you don't want to end up like me. Don't just wait for it to pass because chances are, it won't. Try talking to her. If she's really your best friend, she'll listen. You just have to make the effort. Don't let your friendship get away like I did.

Phoenix Fires

Oh, I know how this situation sucks. It happened to me last year. Basically I got to be really awesome friends with this girl from uni, and we were always together, shared everything, close like sisters, usual story. Another thing was like she... I dunno, brought me out of myself. I was this terribly shy girl, she was really confident, etc, it was one of those things like "omg, this great girl's talking to me?!". We went along like that for a while but then she got this friend, started taking up time, etc etc. It's enough for a girl to cope with I guess, but I really didn't like this other girl at all. It wasn't just 'cause I was a bit jealous, but that she was just unlikeable, and I didn't understand. And finally I came to realise, after a rather stormy 6 months, that I wasn't going to come out on top of it.

But it wasn't only my friend's fault, nor was it this other girl's. But mine and my friends together. We didn't work hard enough at our friendship, neither she made effort to see me, and I didn't make too much effort to see her either, since once I get into the impression that I'm second best, and not equal in importance with the other person, I start thinking what's the point? Nobody likes to feel second-best and why should I make myself feel like that yada-yada-yada. And through mostly my own fault and hers for not realising, we drifted apart. I see her very rarely now, and it's a shame, because I really miss her sometimes.

But underlying my own feelings is the fact that neither of us made the effort to see each other. You must not let this happen!!!!!! It's a mistake that happens all too often, and the person that will be left hurting, is you.

Try your best to talk to your friend, really. Tell her exactly how you're feeling, and don't skirt around the topic by glossing it with anything. Tell her the straight truth so that she knows exactly how you're feeling. And then, her reaction will tell her whether she's drifting from your or not.

I hope everything works out for you. There's nothing worse than knowing you could have done something and yet, you didn't do anything. Trust me.

Melissa-Marie

It sounds as though your friend is being something of a mentor to this girl so maybe u have no real reason to feel threatened by their friendship. The girl has obviously confided in your friend and even though both of u are best friends, it still wouldn't be right for her to tell u everything she speaks to this girl about. If u spoke to someone in confidence about something that was affecting your life negatively, u definitely won't want them telling their friends about your problems, and I think this is exactly what is going on here. I might be wrong but u said that u guys were close like family and one doesn't just disown their family right?
I honestly believe that your friend is playing the good samaritan to the girl so I don't think u should worry about it too much I hope everything works out, let me know when it does