First attempt - Page 3 - EvBoard

Svetlana-S.V.D. · 07-28-2006, 09:15 AM

Your poetry is great! I liked every piece!!!
But your entry for Forbidden in writers group is one of my favorite! It is so honest!!!!
and also I liked Girl in a glass box! I had giddiness while reading it... it is such a known feeling!!!!

Violette · 07-28-2006, 10:38 AM

I wish I had more time to comment... I spend way too much on EvBoard already, but I wanted you to know that I love both "Shame of Scars" and "Fateless Inconsistencies". Great language, and the titles themselves are attention-grabbing.

Melissa-Marie · 07-28-2006, 01:17 PM

I somehow felt like I could relate so much to Fateless Inconsistancies. I really enjoyed that poem.

MsSchizophrenia · 07-28-2006, 05:01 PM

First of all, let me tell you that I adore you as a writer. Your use of imagery and emotional appeal just amazes me and keeps me hanging for more. "Girl in a Glass Box" really hit me. The imagery was great, and I was almost haunted. "Fateless Inconsistancies"... Ah... what luscious word choice. And the feeling of instability still resonates within me as I think of that wonderful poem. And "Shame of Scars" was lovely. Very poignant. Very deep. It's great how you can turn real life events into statutes of delicate artistry. And my favorite... "Secret Garden". Mystical. Peaceful. Elusively delightful. Keep it up!

lexiapple · 07-28-2006, 08:04 PM

Thank you Svetlana, Marie, MsSchizophrenic, and Violette, for your comments!

I feel really, really flattered...it took me a while to get up the guts to start posting my poetry but you guys make it much easier to get over the fear of having my stuff read! Thanks a whole lot for your notes (and for the reps

)

lexiapple · 08-01-2006, 03:28 PM

Shadowlands

Voices in her head, screaming.
Nothing left to live for.
The trauma of her mind,
the slowly seeping memories
flooding back again.
The cold tile of a linoleum floor,
white faces above her,
shouts pouring from lips as red as cherries,
the shriek of an ambulence siren.
Shaking, shaking, all the time.
Pills, pills, so many pills,
crawling through her bloodstream,
regulate her brain.
Forget the jingling of car keys,
welcome to her life.
Freedom's just another word,
she's lost it all again -
back in the birdcage she just escaped.
The stigma of a word
with a thousand sordid meanings.
Dizzy spells, forgotten images,
and always the contortions,
shaking her bones apart.
And nobody understands,
and nobody holds her hand,
except for me.

Violette · 08-02-2006, 07:16 AM

Very nice. It doesn't have that same 'wow' factor that a couple of your other poems have had for me, but it still had its moments. You did use some vivid images, and also your use of sound - with the siren-like scream, the jingling of car keys, etc. I also liked these lines in particular:

The stigma of a word
with a thousand sordid meanings.
Dizzy spells, forgotten images,
and always the contortions,
shaking her bones apart.

GirlWithAMic · 08-02-2006, 12:25 PM

Very nice. I really, really liked the way you wrote it/told the story...kind of fragmented, but the reader still gets what's going on...it all just fit very well. I also liked that it was written kind of from third person rather than first...that worked really well for this piece too.

lexiapple · 08-02-2006, 03:15 PM

Thanks Violette and GirlWithAMic for your comments.

P.S. GWAM - I LOVE your avatar...very cool.

lexiapple · 08-06-2006, 04:33 PM

Masochist

I love you so much my heart aches with it sometimes.
Yet you hurt me without meaning to.
A thousand fantasies running through my head,
always afraid I'll lose you for good.
Will my paranoia push you away?
You've died in my nightmares a million times,
yet you always come back in the end.
I'm scared to death I'll lose you,
scared to face the hell,
yet I can't turn away.
I love you too damn much.

07-28-2006, 09:15 AM	#21 (permalink)
Svetlana-S.V.D. Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ukraine Age: 23 Posts: 147 Points: 2,109.56 Bank: 607.13 Total Points: 2,716.69 Donate	Your poetry is great! I liked every piece!!! But your entry for Forbidden in writers group is one of my favorite! It is so honest!!!! and also I liked Girl in a glass box! I had giddiness while reading it... it is such a known feeling!!!! __________________ My stuff ... My band... My land ...the children of chernobyl...

07-28-2006, 10:38 AM	#22 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	I wish I had more time to comment... I spend way too much on EvBoard already, but I wanted you to know that I love both "Shame of Scars" and "Fateless Inconsistencies". Great language, and the titles themselves are attention-grabbing. __________________ Come join!

07-28-2006, 05:01 PM	#24 (permalink)
MsSchizophrenia Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In the back of a murky Chevy van with a loofa named George. Age: 17 Posts: 77 Points: 144.87 Bank: 47.85 Total Points: 192.72 Donate	First of all, let me tell you that I adore you as a writer. Your use of imagery and emotional appeal just amazes me and keeps me hanging for more. "Girl in a Glass Box" really hit me. The imagery was great, and I was almost haunted. "Fateless Inconsistancies"... Ah... what luscious word choice. And the feeling of instability still resonates within me as I think of that wonderful poem. And "Shame of Scars" was lovely. Very poignant. Very deep. It's great how you can turn real life events into statutes of delicate artistry. And my favorite... "Secret Garden". Mystical. Peaceful. Elusively delightful. Keep it up! __________________ Princess Kitty Alexandrovna Scherbatsky - Nostalgia

07-28-2006, 08:04 PM	#25 (permalink)
lexiapple Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: New Britain, CT Age: 24 Posts: 166 Points: 1,918.36 Bank: 62.36 Total Points: 1,980.72 Donate	Thank you Svetlana, Marie, MsSchizophrenic, and Violette, for your comments! I feel really, really flattered...it took me a while to get up the guts to start posting my poetry but you guys make it much easier to get over the fear of having my stuff read! Thanks a whole lot for your notes (and for the reps ) __________________ But I know the difference between myself and my reflection. I just can't help but to wonder which of us do you love?

08-01-2006, 03:28 PM	#26 (permalink)
lexiapple Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: New Britain, CT Age: 24 Posts: 166 Points: 1,918.36 Bank: 62.36 Total Points: 1,980.72 Donate	Shadowlands Voices in her head, screaming. Nothing left to live for. The trauma of her mind, the slowly seeping memories flooding back again. The cold tile of a linoleum floor, white faces above her, shouts pouring from lips as red as cherries, the shriek of an ambulence siren. Shaking, shaking, all the time. Pills, pills, so many pills, crawling through her bloodstream, regulate her brain. Forget the jingling of car keys, welcome to her life. Freedom's just another word, she's lost it all again - back in the birdcage she just escaped. The stigma of a word with a thousand sordid meanings. Dizzy spells, forgotten images, and always the contortions, shaking her bones apart. And nobody understands, and nobody holds her hand, except for me. __________________ But I know the difference between myself and my reflection. I just can't help but to wonder which of us do you love?

07-28-2006, 01:17 PM	#23 (permalink)
Melissa-Marie Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Trinidad and Tobago Age: 21 Posts: 114 Points: 34.49 Bank: 258.58 Total Points: 293.07 Donate	I somehow felt like I could relate so much to Fateless Inconsistancies. I really enjoyed that poem.

08-02-2006, 07:16 AM	#27 (permalink)
Violette Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Away from EvBoard for a while... I'll be back at some point wink Age: 24 Posts: 800 Points: 1,033.21 Bank: 793.40 Total Points: 1,826.61 Donate	Very nice. It doesn't have that same 'wow' factor that a couple of your other poems have had for me, but it still had its moments. You did use some vivid images, and also your use of sound - with the siren-like scream, the jingling of car keys, etc. I also liked these lines in particular: The stigma of a word with a thousand sordid meanings. Dizzy spells, forgotten images, and always the contortions, shaking her bones apart. __________________ Come join!

08-02-2006, 12:25 PM	#28 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	Very nice. I really, really liked the way you wrote it/told the story...kind of fragmented, but the reader still gets what's going on...it all just fit very well. I also liked that it was written kind of from third person rather than first...that worked really well for this piece too.

08-02-2006, 03:15 PM	#29 (permalink)
lexiapple Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: New Britain, CT Age: 24 Posts: 166 Points: 1,918.36 Bank: 62.36 Total Points: 1,980.72 Donate	Thanks Violette and GirlWithAMic for your comments. P.S. GWAM - I LOVE your avatar...very cool. __________________ But I know the difference between myself and my reflection. I just can't help but to wonder which of us do you love?

08-06-2006, 04:33 PM	#30 (permalink)
lexiapple Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: New Britain, CT Age: 24 Posts: 166 Points: 1,918.36 Bank: 62.36 Total Points: 1,980.72 Donate	Masochist I love you so much my heart aches with it sometimes. Yet you hurt me without meaning to. A thousand fantasies running through my head, always afraid I'll lose you for good. Will my paranoia push you away? You've died in my nightmares a million times, yet you always come back in the end. I'm scared to death I'll lose you, scared to face the hell, yet I can't turn away. I love you too damn much. __________________ But I know the difference between myself and my reflection. I just can't help but to wonder which of us do you love?

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