I'm not sure where I want to go with this, or if this is how I want it to end. Criticism is welcome. I am most definitely not a poet and I rarely ever write... So don't be too hard on me.


Goodbye
my unspoken love
So long
my sweet little lie
Unheard
my voice breaks the silence
Echoes
fall upon deaf ears

Deep down
I want you to follow
Deep down
where the ocean will swallow
My past
will linger and follow
Always
my heart will be hollow

Broken
my dreams are all shattered
Fallen
my hopes have been tattered
You’re gone
my mind has deceived me
Unreal
like the dream that I’m living


copyright © 2006 mariane (me)

Haha, well, since no one ever reads my own poetry, I'll do kindness unto others, ^_^ haha I sound so evil...

Anyhow...I really, really liked this- it seems like the kind of overcliched theme, but it's really not- I love the rhyming scheme you set up, and the whole theme...it wasn't so complicated, and it was powerful enough to leave someone with a darker set of emotions...Really excellent job.