Greatest Fear-poem - Page 2 - EvBoard

sweetwater · 01-03-2005, 08:58 PM

nice poems morgan...love the untitled one the best...love the imagery of being cradled by the dark, and then lifting your head from a fitful sleep...the imagery and the words you chose to use were really good.

Morgan le Fay · 01-04-2005, 10:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by movie_star

I liked it. The only thing is the last line, I'd get rid of that or move it. So it read "Let me go, You won't let me go, You won't let me go" Or Just "Let me go, let me go."

That's why checking spelling is important.

Like the new poem as well.

HAHAHAHAHAHAA i so can't believe i did that. oh my god that's funny. *tears*. anyway here's some new stuff:

Untitled
You're the reason why I'm here
you're everything to me
you make me feel complete
you lift me up and hold me high
High above my sanity
you make me real
you're the part of me that's missing

(i'm not too um...excited 'bout that one

)

Untitled
I believe in you and me
I believe that we will stand strong
against all that comes along
I know that you love me
I know that you will never leave
And I will always be
by your side
forever I will be with you

(that one's a little better)

Self-Inflicted · 01-05-2005, 04:53 AM

i don't know why anyone would say that last line of your first poem in the thread was bad, because i thought it was great, it added a lot to it. Keep up the good work.

Morgan le Fay · 01-05-2005, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Self-Inflicted

i don't know why anyone would say that last line of your first poem in the thread was bad, because i thought it was great, it added a lot to it. Keep up the good work.

thanx self-inflicted. nobody said that last line was bad, i'm just very self-critizing(sp?) and is that avatar a picture of you or somebody else? and also to sweetwater, thanx for the great review. everybody's been very helpful!

sweetwater · 01-06-2005, 04:03 AM

i like the 2nd untitled one the most of the 2...keep it up morgan.

Morgan le Fay · 01-06-2005, 07:04 PM

started school today. i HATE school. it was the worst day back ever. mostly cause i was so tired. was in bed at 10 but didn't fall asleep until 12. ugh... i remember having a christmas break, i just don't know where it went. oh well. Martin luther king jr. day we have off and summer's in 5 months, i guess i'll cope. by the way, i'm a sophmore in highschool. much love \m/

Helpless and Alone

Purple sky aligned with red horizon
I look to the moon for Her helpful guidance
But tonight she is silent
Not even a whisper escapes Her lips
As I walk beneath Her silver light
Helpless and Alone
Helpless and Alone
Salt from my tears tastes bittersweet
I'm haunted by memeries I thought forgotton
the ghosts of you and me
My voice reaches high
But no answer, no comfort
All that you were before
You left me here to drown in a sea of PityMe
Leaving me to wonder if you ever cared...

sweetwater · 01-06-2005, 09:53 PM

nice poem morgan...i like the imagery.

run_forrest_run · 01-06-2005, 09:59 PM

Gonna be honest with you....I didn't really like it. I've definitely seen much worse, but this has potential to be a lot better. I know you're aiming for an abstract concept, but the key to making it work is wording it well, and sticking to one particular perspective throughout the poem. There's a certain limit to vagueness that I think you crossed just a tiny bit....
Keep Writing!

Morgan le Fay · 01-07-2005, 08:10 PM

to run forest run: i appreciate your honestness. i think sometimes the bad reviews are more helpful than the good reviews. to be honest with you, i didn't really like this one either. in my book, i've actually titled it work in progress. i kind of jotted it down while looking at the cover of Wizard and Glass. hence "purple sky aligned with red haze". i really need to put an analyzing eye to all of my poetry. thanks for your help.

run_forrest_run · 01-07-2005, 08:37 PM

Quote:

to run forest run: i appreciate your honestness. i think sometimes the bad reviews are more helpful than the good reviews. to be honest with you, i didn't really like this one either. in my book, i've actually titled it work in progress. i kind of jotted it down while looking at the cover of Wizard and Glass. hence "purple sky aligned with red haze". i really need to put an analyzing eye to all of my poetry. thanks for your help.

Aww, that's sweet.

And no problem, yes, I agree that I would rather get brutally honest reviews than really sugar-coated fake ones.

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01-03-2005, 08:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
sweetwater Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 862 Points: 142.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 142.00 Donate	nice poems morgan...love the untitled one the best...love the imagery of being cradled by the dark, and then lifting your head from a fitful sleep...the imagery and the words you chose to use were really good.

01-05-2005, 04:53 AM	#13 (permalink)
Self-Inflicted Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Ohio Age: 21 Posts: 27 Points: 432.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 432.00 Donate	i don't know why anyone would say that last line of your first poem in the thread was bad, because i thought it was great, it added a lot to it. Keep up the good work.

01-06-2005, 04:03 AM	#15 (permalink)
sweetwater Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 862 Points: 142.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 142.00 Donate	i like the 2nd untitled one the most of the 2...keep it up morgan.

01-06-2005, 07:04 PM	#16 (permalink)
Morgan le Fay n00blet Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Georgia Age: 19 Posts: 20 Points: 615.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 615.00 Donate	started school today. i HATE school. it was the worst day back ever. mostly cause i was so tired. was in bed at 10 but didn't fall asleep until 12. ugh... i remember having a christmas break, i just don't know where it went. oh well. Martin luther king jr. day we have off and summer's in 5 months, i guess i'll cope. by the way, i'm a sophmore in highschool. much love \m/ Helpless and Alone Purple sky aligned with red horizon I look to the moon for Her helpful guidance But tonight she is silent Not even a whisper escapes Her lips As I walk beneath Her silver light Helpless and Alone Helpless and Alone Salt from my tears tastes bittersweet I'm haunted by memeries I thought forgotton the ghosts of you and me My voice reaches high But no answer, no comfort All that you were before You left me here to drown in a sea of PityMe Leaving me to wonder if you ever cared...

01-06-2005, 09:53 PM	#17 (permalink)
sweetwater Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 862 Points: 142.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 142.00 Donate	nice poem morgan...i like the imagery.

01-06-2005, 09:59 PM	#18 (permalink)
run_forrest_run Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Age: 17 Posts: 25 Points: 103.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 103.00 Donate	Gonna be honest with you....I didn't really like it. I've definitely seen much worse, but this has potential to be a lot better. I know you're aiming for an abstract concept, but the key to making it work is wording it well, and sticking to one particular perspective throughout the poem. There's a certain limit to vagueness that I think you crossed just a tiny bit.... Keep Writing!

01-07-2005, 08:10 PM	#19 (permalink)
Morgan le Fay n00blet Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Georgia Age: 19 Posts: 20 Points: 615.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 615.00 Donate	to run forest run: i appreciate your honestness. i think sometimes the bad reviews are more helpful than the good reviews. to be honest with you, i didn't really like this one either. in my book, i've actually titled it work in progress. i kind of jotted it down while looking at the cover of Wizard and Glass. hence "purple sky aligned with red haze". i really need to put an analyzing eye to all of my poetry. thanks for your help.

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