This is my second poem posted on this thread. Hope you guys like it.

Greatest Fear

Swimming in a pool of misconception
the blackness of it's waters vie my own
I feel like my soul is shattered
and pieces are tearing me apart
My tears run red
my greatest fear has come true
I close my eyes and see you're face
I try so hard to break away
But you won't let me go
The sound of you're voice fills my head
I speak your name and taste betrayal
you won't let me go
you won't let me go
let me go

written 8/19/04

I've posted my first poem "Imaginary Dreams" on poetry.com under the name faithbeloved. this is the first time i've posted Greatest Fear.

I think it needs a little bit of work, but it is pretty good.

i really liked this one. nice flow and imagery. hope to see more of your work.

I liked this poem a lot. I luved the part about tasting betrayal.

But here's some advice: DO NOT SUBMIT YOUR WORK TO POETRY.COM, IT'S A SCAM. They'll accept anything you send them and tell you it'll be published in an anthology, then they'll expect you to pay insane amounts of money for a copy of the book. And they'll tell you that you won all these awards, with a trophy and everything, but you have to pay a hundred some dollars for the trophy. I fell for it too. If you're looking to submit your poetry for publication, buy The Poet's Market 2005. Every resource in there is legit, trustworthy, and worthwhile.

wow that is really good! it reminded me of a poem i wrote a while ago called let me go...keep posting i wanna c more! God bless

good poem...also liked that line about i speak your name and taste betrayal...

Thanks for the advice, i'll stick to that. i just went on a trial run on that thing and didn't send any money, so there's nothin to worry about . i appreciate all the great criticism. i always show my stuff to friends and family, but they're bias, so...
anyway, here's my next poem. i call it "out of reach", and i KNOW it needs work. i have a bad habit of making long lines in my poetry that i need to work on. this poem shows it, but i'll post it unedited and see what you think:

Out Of Reach

I'm out of touch, I'm out of mind
I reach out to you
Only to feel you pull away
I try to talk to you
but you shut your ears at the sound of my voice
And i try to make you see me
but i disappear when you look my way
You take for granted my sincerety
I took for granted your ferocity
I'm drowning in your mysteries
The sands of your shores are lined with broken glass
that cut me so deeply
every time I try to get close to you
you're running away from me

8/20/04

I'm not sure about that last line, but I couldn't think of anything else to put in at the time.

This one i wrote for a friend. she'd been having guy problems (what am i saying, she still has them...) and i wrote this for her. i do like this poem a lot, and it was actually one i added to. a few words just came into my head one night, i wrote them down, and a few weeks later i looked at it and finished it. i haven't come up with a title yet, though.

Untitled

Oh how I long to come home to you
As darkness cradles,
I lift my head in a fitful sleep
Waking myself from the nightmares
from behind closed eyes
I try so hard to keep it together
But you always do get the best of me
I've come so far to see you my love
Can you still feel me in your arms
even when I'm gone?

I liked it. The only thing is the last line, I'd get rid of that or move it. So it read "Let me go, You won't let me go, You won't let me go" Or Just "Let me go, let me go."

That's why checking spelling is important.

Like the new poem as well.

__________________

you are a good writer. your poetry is deep and the wording is smooth. keep posting your stuff! God bless