~Heather's Writings~ - EvBoard

LuckyStar · 08-12-2005, 08:42 PM

wrote this one a little while ago....no title, though. any comments would be appreciated.

It’s those lazy days that break your spirit.
Those days where you lay idly on the floor
Seeing the air above you
That’s so thick you could eat a slice for dinner
And call it desert.
It’s when you stay there, immobile
Listening to the kids play baseball and the birds sing
That you start slipping backwards
Waves crashing in your inner ear
And images of fairies and sugarplums drifting away.
That’s when your brain fills with bleach
And your heart, with antacid
As memories engulf your soul
Crushing you with their emotions.
You remember yourself years ago
Filled with happiness and curiosity
So innocent and dreamlike that it seems to be a lie.
You remember learning that life wasn’t made of sugar
And you see the first time you felt true pain.
You see past friends and family
Who have both loved you and betrayed you.
Pictures of yourself, torn at the edges
Worn away from time and chaos
Flit through your mind, a flipbook in rapid succession.
There are cookies, worms, flowers and mud
All who have helped to create you
Whoever you may be.

You can see yourself at five years old
Then eight
Then fourteen
More time passes;
You can see yourself five minutes ago
You watch as you change, going from carefree
To anxious
From innocent to tainted in a blink of an eye.
Decisions that carried greater burden than supposed to
Instances where you carried yourself like a fool.
You watch as you’re stabbed in the back
By nail files and pointed notes
Letters and numbers that jab at you as they jump out.
It’s then you wonder what would have been different
If you hadn’t said what you had said
Or hadn’t been honest and trustworthy
Or if you hadn’t tried to clot the blood
With a rag of friendships and love
Then ended up dirty and burned.

It’s those hazy nights
That you become scared to sleep
As monsters and goblins emerge from under the bed
And skeletons rattle in the closet,
Memories of past mistakes and misfortunes
You can't control the demons; they stalk you in your dreams
And put a stop to the slumber that used to be so peaceful and forgiving.
Sometimes you wish for things to be perfect
But perfection is fickle and not real
And these fiends allow you to keep living
Because without them, your past becomes a lie of happy times
Without lessons learned, however painful they were.

It’s times like these when you realize that your past
Will never go away
And these empty people will always come back.
You’ll be haunted all your life
Unable to see or breathe at times.
Even though you try to experience cakes and Christmas trees
There will always be blades and graveyards
That push you away.

Im_Broken · 08-12-2005, 09:11 PM

I like the words in it. Very different thoughts going all together. It's very good. You did a really great job with it. As for a title for this one, it could pretty much be anything, because you covered a lot in that one. So anything would really work out. Anyways, keep up the great work. I hope you post more stuff soon.

GirlWithAMic · 08-12-2005, 09:28 PM

Wow. WOW. That was unbelievable. It totally just drew me right in, and I related to every feeling in it so much it was scary. You have a remarkable way with words, and this piece...just wow. Went right for the throat emotionally, at least for me, like I said. I really want to see more of your work!!!!

LuckyStar · 08-13-2005, 08:54 AM

This isn’t what I expected.
I wanted liberty and joy;
What I got was misery and a mask.
I didn’t ask for this.
I wished for phone calls and fudge
Not solitude and deliberation.
There’s nothing to do, nothing to say
To all of those who lied
And to the one who left.

You can papercut my finger
Squeeze a lemon onto it
And watch the skin dissolve
Into paper or plastic.
Soak my lungs in water
To see if they’ll still fly.
Take the hole that’s been cut into my heart
And fill it with gasoline
Then light a match a mile away.

Give me a paper crown and plastic diamonds
Press a smile onto my face
Dress me up like a happy girl
One who knows nothing about what’s happened to her
Or who just doesn’t care.
Tell me who you want me to be
And tell me the actions to perform
Then stick me in a showcase
So I can play like the rest of you.

Im_Broken · 08-13-2005, 08:43 PM

Holy..

I really really like this one. You can feel the emotion in it, and you can tell that it is pretty deep. Awesome writting that you have in here. I really like this stanza::

You can papercut my finger
Squeeze a lemon onto it
And watch the skin dissolve
Into paper or plastic.
Soak my lungs in water
To see if they’ll still fly.
Take the hole that’s been cut into my heart
And fill it with gasoline
Then light a match a mile away.

Great job! Keep up the great work!

LuckyStar · 08-13-2005, 09:16 PM

I didnt know if the first and last stanzas would really go together, but I guess they do. It's kind of how my summer's been going...Idunno. But thanks for your comments.

~heather~

Im_Broken · 08-14-2005, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuckyStar

I didnt know if the first and last stanzas would really go together, but I guess they do. It's kind of how my summer's been going...Idunno. But thanks for your comments.

~heather~

They do go. I like the flow of them. No problem for the comments. Keep it up!

GirlWithAMic · 08-14-2005, 12:51 PM

I liked the language you used in that last one...but I wasn't totally sure what you were talking about in it. I think I got the general idea, but I think you could make it a little more clear.

Quote:

One who knows nothing about what’s happened to her

Really liked that line.

Keep it up!

LuckyStar · 08-15-2005, 11:16 AM

Thanks...the poem makes sense to me (obviously, b/c i wrote it, haha), but it's really up for interpretation...you can apply to what you want, I guess.

~heather~

LuckyStar · 08-17-2005, 09:06 AM

Now I'm going to post some older stuff. They're not like the things I've written this summer. But oh well.

I had to do a poetry book for my creative writing class. There were certain specifications and guidlines we had to follow, so I'll explain before each one.

This one is my "Doors and Chairs" poem. We had to include a door and a chair in it somehow.

Reflection

I sit in the back of the theatre
Watching the play of my life before my eyes.
Somehow I’ve drifted out of my physical state
And my mind has floated to where I am now.

And as I watch, I see everything I’ve said and done.
Everything wrong, everything stupid
Everything that I wish I could take back;
All my flaws are drawn out before me.

Each of my selfish acts, my times of greed and jealousy
Times I acted in vain, wanting the best for only me; no one else.
Times where I exaggerated and lied, screaming for attention.
I see them all over and over.

My fits of anger, self destruction
My depression and desolate façade
Where I pretended I had no one
And pushed everyone I did have away.

There were no reasons for these acts;
I had no right to be that way.
Always overstressing and thinking for myself
Faking independence but wanting companionship.

Angered at myself for acting the way I did
I slowly rise out of my seat
Pushing away the chair
The one that has contained me for so long.

The past, I should not focus on.
Dwelling on my blemishes only further subdues me,
Making me more spiteful and obsessive.
These mistakes obviously had some reason for occurring.

Leaving, I close the door to that hateful place, that state of mind
Letting go of all my previous faults and complications,
Leaving behind horrible thoughts and opinions.
Instead, I’ll embrace all the imperfections, letting them exist as they will.

Like I said, not so good.

This one is my "Make A Wish" poem.

Revisit

I wish I could go back to childhood
Times of simplicity and innocence
Where the biggest worries and feelings of regret
Came from accidentally leaving fireflies in jars without holes
And you were scared you had killed Tinkerbelle.
Days filled with rosy cheeks and snowmen
And sun burnt ears and sand castles
When ‘fun’ and ‘play’ were the most important words in the English language.
Times when secrets were secured by a pinky swear
And friends were made by the dozen at the playground
By the swings and in the sandbox.
I want to go back to the time when the world seemed so huge
And adulthood was so far off
When summer seemed to last forever
And the sun never set.
Back to crayons and blank white paper
When learning to tie your shoes was so hard
And you weren’t allowed to use scissors.
Fights were over stolen dolls and books
And tears were caused by missing the ice cream truck
Or parents saying that you couldn’t have desert.
When Santa and the tooth fairy were real
And magic lived in everyone’s hearts.
It feels so long ago that you believed in everything with all you had
And you thought everything would be happy.
When smiles and hugs came by the dozen
And dragonflies danced on puddles on hazy summer nights.
I want to go back to before reality set in
And stress took over.
I wish to be the child that never seems to emerge anymore because there is no time.
I long to be able to color, blow bubbles, run around outside without having to worry.
I want the kids to stop growing up so fast
And start enjoying what they have
Before they realize that it’s too late
And they can't go back.

This one is my dictionary poem...or something like that. We had to pick 10 random words out of the dictionary and use them. Not as easy as it sounds.

Ruler of Nothing

As I sit on my throne
Muttering a silent apology
To all those who have suffered
A mélange of noises erupts from nowhere
In reality, or solely in my brain?
I do not know.
A contemporary zing slices through the thick air
And my shock overcomes me as I
Stare into the doorway.
There is a mirror, reflecting my only predator-
Myself.
A helot to perfection, one who can do no wrong-
Or so it seems outside.
The mirror, the gismo that shows my real self,
Slowly starts to crack.
The wood frame becomes sibilant as it dissolves into nothing
And the glass cracks and shatters
Permanently erasing who I really am.

This one is my Pantoum. Pantoums have certain patterns. You make up 7 lines and then have to put them in a specific order.

The sun shines outside, and laughter lives
Only inside does night’s darkness last forever

Inside, it’s raining.

Tears and blood drip from above
Only inside does night’s darkness last forever
Souls of secrets howl and scream

Tears and blood drip from above
Fear and terror climb the walls
Souls of secrets howl and scream
Forgotten memories rumble overhead

Fear and terror climb the walls
Taunting voices whisper slowly
The sun shines outside, and laughter lives

Forgotten memories rumble over head
Taunting voices whisper slowly

Inside, it’s raining.

And we had to write an "Alright, I lied" poem. I used my favorite Ev lyric (Dont try to fix me, I'm not broken) in here. But I credited them. (That was actually the title of my book, and I put the lyrics to Hello in there as well.)

Don’t try to fix me; I’m not broken

Everyone thinks they know me
What makes me tick, what makes me bleed
They assume the way I act is how I really feel.

Alright, so I might have lied.
Everyday, I lied.
My expressions, my mannerisms--lies.

The happiness on my face
The calmness in my voice
As I pretend not to care;
Lies as well.

You think that I’m ok, just because I say I am.
You believe me when I tell you nothing’s wrong
And you don’t question it at all.

But you don’t know that most of the time, I put on my mask of happiness
To smother up the depression and the anxiety
That lies beneath.

I don’t want sympathy.
I don’t want your pity, your looks of compassion
Treat me like you would any other day
I’m not looking to be looked down at.

I’ve become an actress
playing a part of someone who I was before, someone I’m expected to be
and my façade has tricked many a person.

So I pretend and I lie
But I’m not disappointed in how I live whatsoever.
I enjoy this sense of drama and confusion.

I don’t tell you because I don’t want you getting involved.
I don’t need people telling me how to be, to act, to live better.
Because, honestly, I’m fine just the way I am.

Don’t try to fix me; I’m not broken.

Ok that's it for now. More later.

08-12-2005, 08:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
LuckyStar Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: America's Hometown. Age: 20 Posts: 1,531 Points: 9,194.99 Bank: 14,205.96 Total Points: 23,400.95 Donate	~Heather's Writings~ wrote this one a little while ago....no title, though. any comments would be appreciated. It’s those lazy days that break your spirit. Those days where you lay idly on the floor Seeing the air above you That’s so thick you could eat a slice for dinner And call it desert. It’s when you stay there, immobile Listening to the kids play baseball and the birds sing That you start slipping backwards Waves crashing in your inner ear And images of fairies and sugarplums drifting away. That’s when your brain fills with bleach And your heart, with antacid As memories engulf your soul Crushing you with their emotions. You remember yourself years ago Filled with happiness and curiosity So innocent and dreamlike that it seems to be a lie. You remember learning that life wasn’t made of sugar And you see the first time you felt true pain. You see past friends and family Who have both loved you and betrayed you. Pictures of yourself, torn at the edges Worn away from time and chaos Flit through your mind, a flipbook in rapid succession. There are cookies, worms, flowers and mud All who have helped to create you Whoever you may be. You can see yourself at five years old Then eight Then fourteen More time passes; You can see yourself five minutes ago You watch as you change, going from carefree To anxious From innocent to tainted in a blink of an eye. Decisions that carried greater burden than supposed to Instances where you carried yourself like a fool. You watch as you’re stabbed in the back By nail files and pointed notes Letters and numbers that jab at you as they jump out. It’s then you wonder what would have been different If you hadn’t said what you had said Or hadn’t been honest and trustworthy Or if you hadn’t tried to clot the blood With a rag of friendships and love Then ended up dirty and burned. It’s those hazy nights That you become scared to sleep As monsters and goblins emerge from under the bed And skeletons rattle in the closet, Memories of past mistakes and misfortunes You can't control the demons; they stalk you in your dreams And put a stop to the slumber that used to be so peaceful and forgiving. Sometimes you wish for things to be perfect But perfection is fickle and not real And these fiends allow you to keep living Because without them, your past becomes a lie of happy times Without lessons learned, however painful they were. It’s times like these when you realize that your past Will never go away And these empty people will always come back. You’ll be haunted all your life Unable to see or breathe at times. Even though you try to experience cakes and Christmas trees There will always be blades and graveyards That push you away.

08-12-2005, 09:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
Im_Broken Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,397 Points: 470.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 470.00 Donate	I like the words in it. Very different thoughts going all together. It's very good. You did a really great job with it. As for a title for this one, it could pretty much be anything, because you covered a lot in that one. So anything would really work out. Anyways, keep up the great work. I hope you post more stuff soon. __________________ -Rach- ((Check out my stuff)) when it starts to rain break out the slip and slide

08-13-2005, 08:54 AM	#4 (permalink)
LuckyStar Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: America's Hometown. Age: 20 Posts: 1,531 Points: 9,194.99 Bank: 14,205.96 Total Points: 23,400.95 Donate	another one lacking a title...wrote it like 5 minutes ago This isn’t what I expected. I wanted liberty and joy; What I got was misery and a mask. I didn’t ask for this. I wished for phone calls and fudge Not solitude and deliberation. There’s nothing to do, nothing to say To all of those who lied And to the one who left. You can papercut my finger Squeeze a lemon onto it And watch the skin dissolve Into paper or plastic. Soak my lungs in water To see if they’ll still fly. Take the hole that’s been cut into my heart And fill it with gasoline Then light a match a mile away. Give me a paper crown and plastic diamonds Press a smile onto my face Dress me up like a happy girl One who knows nothing about what’s happened to her Or who just doesn’t care. Tell me who you want me to be And tell me the actions to perform Then stick me in a showcase So I can play like the rest of you.

08-13-2005, 08:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
Im_Broken Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,397 Points: 470.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 470.00 Donate	Holy.. I really really like this one. You can feel the emotion in it, and you can tell that it is pretty deep. Awesome writting that you have in here. I really like this stanza:: You can papercut my finger Squeeze a lemon onto it And watch the skin dissolve Into paper or plastic. Soak my lungs in water To see if they’ll still fly. Take the hole that’s been cut into my heart And fill it with gasoline Then light a match a mile away. Great job! Keep up the great work! __________________ -Rach- ((Check out my stuff)) when it starts to rain break out the slip and slide

08-13-2005, 09:16 PM	#6 (permalink)
LuckyStar Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: America's Hometown. Age: 20 Posts: 1,531 Points: 9,194.99 Bank: 14,205.96 Total Points: 23,400.95 Donate	thanksssssss! I didnt know if the first and last stanzas would really go together, but I guess they do. It's kind of how my summer's been going...Idunno. But thanks for your comments. ~heather~

08-12-2005, 09:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	Wow. WOW. That was unbelievable. It totally just drew me right in, and I related to every feeling in it so much it was scary. You have a remarkable way with words, and this piece...just wow. Went right for the throat emotionally, at least for me, like I said. I really want to see more of your work!!!!

08-15-2005, 11:16 AM	#9 (permalink)
LuckyStar Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: America's Hometown. Age: 20 Posts: 1,531 Points: 9,194.99 Bank: 14,205.96 Total Points: 23,400.95 Donate	Thanks...the poem makes sense to me (obviously, b/c i wrote it, haha), but it's really up for interpretation...you can apply to what you want, I guess. ~heather~

08-17-2005, 09:06 AM	#10 (permalink)
LuckyStar Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: America's Hometown. Age: 20 Posts: 1,531 Points: 9,194.99 Bank: 14,205.96 Total Points: 23,400.95 Donate	Old (not so good) stuff Now I'm going to post some older stuff. They're not like the things I've written this summer. But oh well. I had to do a poetry book for my creative writing class. There were certain specifications and guidlines we had to follow, so I'll explain before each one. This one is my "Doors and Chairs" poem. We had to include a door and a chair in it somehow. Reflection I sit in the back of the theatre Watching the play of my life before my eyes. Somehow I’ve drifted out of my physical state And my mind has floated to where I am now. And as I watch, I see everything I’ve said and done. Everything wrong, everything stupid Everything that I wish I could take back; All my flaws are drawn out before me. Each of my selfish acts, my times of greed and jealousy Times I acted in vain, wanting the best for only me; no one else. Times where I exaggerated and lied, screaming for attention. I see them all over and over. My fits of anger, self destruction My depression and desolate façade Where I pretended I had no one And pushed everyone I did have away. There were no reasons for these acts; I had no right to be that way. Always overstressing and thinking for myself Faking independence but wanting companionship. Angered at myself for acting the way I did I slowly rise out of my seat Pushing away the chair The one that has contained me for so long. The past, I should not focus on. Dwelling on my blemishes only further subdues me, Making me more spiteful and obsessive. These mistakes obviously had some reason for occurring. Leaving, I close the door to that hateful place, that state of mind Letting go of all my previous faults and complications, Leaving behind horrible thoughts and opinions. Instead, I’ll embrace all the imperfections, letting them exist as they will. Like I said, not so good. This one is my "Make A Wish" poem. Revisit I wish I could go back to childhood Times of simplicity and innocence Where the biggest worries and feelings of regret Came from accidentally leaving fireflies in jars without holes And you were scared you had killed Tinkerbelle. Days filled with rosy cheeks and snowmen And sun burnt ears and sand castles When ‘fun’ and ‘play’ were the most important words in the English language. Times when secrets were secured by a pinky swear And friends were made by the dozen at the playground By the swings and in the sandbox. I want to go back to the time when the world seemed so huge And adulthood was so far off When summer seemed to last forever And the sun never set. Back to crayons and blank white paper When learning to tie your shoes was so hard And you weren’t allowed to use scissors. Fights were over stolen dolls and books And tears were caused by missing the ice cream truck Or parents saying that you couldn’t have desert. When Santa and the tooth fairy were real And magic lived in everyone’s hearts. It feels so long ago that you believed in everything with all you had And you thought everything would be happy. When smiles and hugs came by the dozen And dragonflies danced on puddles on hazy summer nights. I want to go back to before reality set in And stress took over. I wish to be the child that never seems to emerge anymore because there is no time. I long to be able to color, blow bubbles, run around outside without having to worry. I want the kids to stop growing up so fast And start enjoying what they have Before they realize that it’s too late And they can't go back. This one is my dictionary poem...or something like that. We had to pick 10 random words out of the dictionary and use them. Not as easy as it sounds. Ruler of Nothing As I sit on my throne Muttering a silent apology To all those who have suffered A mélange of noises erupts from nowhere In reality, or solely in my brain? I do not know. A contemporary zing slices through the thick air And my shock overcomes me as I Stare into the doorway. There is a mirror, reflecting my only predator- Myself. A helot to perfection, one who can do no wrong- Or so it seems outside. The mirror, the gismo that shows my real self, Slowly starts to crack. The wood frame becomes sibilant as it dissolves into nothing And the glass cracks and shatters Permanently erasing who I really am. This one is my Pantoum. Pantoums have certain patterns. You make up 7 lines and then have to put them in a specific order. The sun shines outside, and laughter lives Only inside does night’s darkness last forever Inside, it’s raining. Tears and blood drip from above Only inside does night’s darkness last forever Souls of secrets howl and scream Tears and blood drip from above Fear and terror climb the walls Souls of secrets howl and scream Forgotten memories rumble overhead Fear and terror climb the walls Taunting voices whisper slowly The sun shines outside, and laughter lives Forgotten memories rumble over head Taunting voices whisper slowly Inside, it’s raining. And we had to write an "Alright, I lied" poem. I used my favorite Ev lyric (Dont try to fix me, I'm not broken) in here. But I credited them. (That was actually the title of my book, and I put the lyrics to Hello in there as well.) Don’t try to fix me; I’m not broken Everyone thinks they know me What makes me tick, what makes me bleed They assume the way I act is how I really feel. Alright, so I might have lied. Everyday, I lied. My expressions, my mannerisms--lies. The happiness on my face The calmness in my voice As I pretend not to care; Lies as well. You think that I’m ok, just because I say I am. You believe me when I tell you nothing’s wrong And you don’t question it at all. But you don’t know that most of the time, I put on my mask of happiness To smother up the depression and the anxiety That lies beneath. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want your pity, your looks of compassion Treat me like you would any other day I’m not looking to be looked down at. I’ve become an actress playing a part of someone who I was before, someone I’m expected to be and my façade has tricked many a person. So I pretend and I lie But I’m not disappointed in how I live whatsoever. I enjoy this sense of drama and confusion. I don’t tell you because I don’t want you getting involved. I don’t need people telling me how to be, to act, to live better. Because, honestly, I’m fine just the way I am. Don’t try to fix me; I’m not broken. Ok that's it for now. More later.

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