Im Gay Everyone - EvBoard

hellothisisme · 03-31-2008, 10:55 PM

so im sitting here crying my eyes out. i just came out to my friends and my best friend since forever wont talk to me. she's completely ignoring me! she never returns my calls or texts, and she always did before. on the plus side, my mom said its ok to be gay, but she thinks all bisexual ppl deserve to burn in hell forever. this puts a damper on things because of the fact im bi. i havent told her yet, anything, but if i tell her the truth she might kick me out, and if i lie, how do i keep it secret. it'll only take a matter of days for the entire school to be talking about it, even though i havent come out to all of them. im just so confused about everything. why me? what do i do about my mom? my friends?

lithium92 · 04-01-2008, 04:46 AM

Hey.
I've never dealt with this situation, but I can help.
You say your friend won't talk to you.
Well, i want you to think to yourself, Is she really a good friend??
Should i continue to try and get her back??

I don't want to be rude or anything, but if she doesn't like you for being different, then i wouldn't waste my time trying to talk to her.
If she can't accept you for you, then i don't think she's a real true friend.

Now, about your mother. I know how it feels when people say that gays or bi's shouldn't be here, but the thing is, they don't know what they're saying. My parents know about me, and they don't care.
But they sent me to a psychiatrist. I found that offensive, but i just don't care.

I think you should tell your mum. Taking into consideration what your mum said, I think she'd still love you no matter what.

I hope i helped you in some way...
If not, I'm sorry...

**paper tiger** · 04-01-2008, 04:55 AM

Congrats on having the courage to tell your family and friends, first of all. That is a secret which many people have to live with for a long time, and as awkward as it is now, you may be making it easier on yourself in the long run. Unfortunately, your friend will have to come to terms with this on her own. The only thing you can do is be there for her and answer questions if she has them. But if this is truly who you are, then my advice is do not be ashamed. You have been honest with her, and honesty is something that every friendship should have, above all. Give her a little space. She may just come around.

As for your mom, her "opinions" seem to contradict themselves. But I encourage you to take the high road in this case, and just be mature about it, regardless of the decision you make. You may not be able to change her mind right away, but if you can earn her respect in this situation, you will have a greater chance of encouraging a change of mind in the long run. Good luck with your decision. =]

Princess Mary · 04-01-2008, 05:20 AM

I don't understand where your mum is coming from. On one hand, she says it's okay to be gay, but on the other hand, she condemns bisexual people.

You also claim to be gay, yet you also say you are bisexual, so I imagine you are not 100% sure who you are at this stage.

Good on you for coming out to your friends, and your mum. I never came out to my mum until she flat out asked me if I was gay, because my sister is also gay. I wish I had the courage you did.

You can never be sure how people will react to news like this. Your best friend in the world could turn against you, you can't do anything about that. Maybe she is shocked and needs to deal with the news, or maybe she is simply one of those ignorant types? Whichever the case, it will become clearer to you as time passes.

At the moment, I would keep my distance from your friend - make her come to you. Don't push her into accepting you, she must do this for herself. If she doesn't, then it is her loss.

As for your mum, I don't know about that. By what your mum says, she is contradicting herself, and sounds rather hypocritical. I'd ask her to clarify her position - maybe she didn't realise the mistake she made.

I wish you all the best in the future.

Phoenix Fires · 04-01-2008, 05:52 AM

Firstly, I just need to tell you how brave you are that you've done it! Sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world to tell someone who you really are. Some people think it's a big deal and others... well, your best friend.

Ok, how long did it take you to discover that you're bisexual? I know it's going to be hard but you need to give your friend time to get used to it, nobody can understand it in a couple of days, just like nobody becomes gay in a day. Give her time to get used to the idea, she's going to need space. I know you need to talk to her but just give it a bit of time.

Did you come out to all your friends at once?

About your mum... I have to tell you now that there are a lot of people in the world who think that bisexuality isn't real, both gay and straight, and your mum's reaction wasn't unusual. I told my mum that I thought I was bisexual, and her reaction was to tell me that bisexuality doesn't exist. And this really hurt, because my struggle with that was a big part of my life and she just brushed it aside as a phase. I ended up in tears myself. She also said it's ok to be gay, although she'd be disappointed. So I kind of know how you feel here. If you need someone's shoulder to cry on, please PM me...

I have one piece of advice... how long did you feel you were living a lie, how long did you worry about telling people, and how relieved did you feel to finally get it out in the open despite the consequences? By not telling your mum the real truth, you're just going to keep living the lie, and it's going to keep hurting. Tell her you're bisexual, just kill the lie dead in its tracks and let her get used to it on her own time. It's just my advice though.

There are always going to be people who don't take bisexuality seriously, people who descriminate against it, people who don't understand. But if you keep it to yourself, even after you've come out, you're not helping...

Be straight with people. So to speak

Sweet Tigger · 04-01-2008, 11:32 AM

Wow, that takes a hell of alot of courage, telling people, and
coming out with it.
As for your mom, and friends, first your friends, if they really liked you, and
are truly a friend, they should like you no matter what, it does NOT
change the person you are inside.
You are your mothers child, and should except you just for the way you
are, conconditionaly!!
There are people in the world, who keep this kind of secret for years, and
years.
You should be PROUD, to be who you are, and never let anyone tell you
different.
Being gay, bi, its only what you perfer in the people you go out with, it
DOES NOT change the true person you really are.
For all you know, some of your friends may be going through the
exact same issue, and don't know how to tell someone.
Keep your head held high, and have strength, and know its perfectly
fine, to be who you are, there are SO many people in this world, who are
the exact same.
You should always be proud, of what you do, and always the person you grew up to be!!!

hellothisisme · 04-01-2008, 05:47 PM

Ok, how long did it take you to discover that you're bisexual? (i've thought for years, but at first i thought gay, but i spent a month or so letting things unveil and i came to being bi as the conclusion)

Did you come out to all your friends at once?(no, i told them in order of how close i felt to them, to insure trust if i wanted to keep it from the other kids for awhile)

how long did you feel you were living a lie(ummmm, like since i was like 8), how long did you worry about telling people(i havent stopped worrying in years, i've always worried that someone might look through my computer and find the gay teen chat rooms and support groups, or open aim and find the guys on there i talk to, im always scared shitless, but i seem even more scared now, about the future), and how relieved did you feel to finally get it out in the open despite the consequences?(when i told the first person i almost shit myself as it was coming out, but after i felt like a million pounds was lifted off my shoulder, that is until i realized i had about three thousand more to tell)

Nikky · 04-01-2008, 05:51 PM

I am too.

Everyone but my family knows it. I know how this works. It's a big creepy and confused way of living, but there's no need to worry. You've done the right thing. And if they all really have feelings for you, things will work it out by itselves.

Good luck, anyway.

Jane · 04-01-2008, 09:55 PM

What you have to understand about your mom is that she was raised a certain way and has beliefs imprinted on her. Usually, our beliefs are given to us by our parents, and those beliefs don't change until they are challenged. Your mom's belief about sexuality has probably never been challenged before. Just have a sit down and explain your feelings with her, hopefully she will be able to understand or at least make an effort since she's your mom.

A quick story for you: I have this guy friend. He was raised hardcore Christian and taught that homosexuality was a sin and you would go to hell for it. Well, his parents split up several years ago, and his mom told him and his sister that she was a lesbian and she now has a partner (who she's been with for a few years now). My friend really struggled with this because of what he originally was taught to believed, but eventually came to terms with it.

His situation is similar to what your mom will have to go through, and hopefully she will come around, but you really need to have a serious talk with her and help her explain WHY you feel the way you do and ask her for her support and love.

Good luck.

lithium92 · 04-02-2008, 12:55 AM

I agree that it's hard to come out.
I did and yeah, my parents said it felt like someone had died in the family! They didn't mean to hurt me.

Now, About your friend...
Sorry if i'm mean here, but your friend doesn't seem very nice to me.
If she can't accept you for you, then i don't think she's worth it!
I mean, If she's turned on you, then i don't think she was ever really your true friend!
She could realise what she's doing and wake up to herself, or she might not.
I think you should just wait and see.
Or you could attempt trying to talk to her and make her listen, without the use of violence of course...
Just see how things go.

Now about you're mum...
I too, don't get her logic.
She accepts gays but she hates bi's.
I really don't get that...
She's stumped me on that one...

Well, from experience, if you really want to keep a friend, I would just keep believing that they will come back to their senses. Either you're friend will come to her senses OR she will just be an ignorant little f**ker...
Sorry about that...

I hope i've helped, if i haven't then i'm sorry...

Here's something to say to your friend:
"Why do you hate me now that you know??
You liked me before i told you, and i'm not any different now than I was before i told you!"

I hope that works for ya!!!

03-31-2008, 10:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
hellothisisme n00blet Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: on this little planet some people call earth.... Posts: 17 Points: 2,694.79 Bank: 239.02 Total Points: 2,933.81 Donate	Im Gay Everyone so im sitting here crying my eyes out. i just came out to my friends and my best friend since forever wont talk to me. she's completely ignoring me! she never returns my calls or texts, and she always did before. on the plus side, my mom said its ok to be gay, but she thinks all bisexual ppl deserve to burn in hell forever. this puts a damper on things because of the fact im bi. i havent told her yet, anything, but if i tell her the truth she might kick me out, and if i lie, how do i keep it secret. it'll only take a matter of days for the entire school to be talking about it, even though i havent come out to all of them. im just so confused about everything. why me? what do i do about my mom? my friends? __________________ adviceforthestupid.freeforums.org, check it out man! register to join the awesome wonder that is AFTS!!!!

04-01-2008, 04:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
paper tiger figment of ur imagination Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Corbin, Kentucky Age: 24 Posts: 409 Points: 19,451.01 Bank: 0.01 Total Points: 19,451.02 Donate	Congrats on having the courage to tell your family and friends, first of all. That is a secret which many people have to live with for a long time, and as awkward as it is now, you may be making it easier on yourself in the long run. Unfortunately, your friend will have to come to terms with this on her own. The only thing you can do is be there for her and answer questions if she has them. But if this is truly who you are, then my advice is do not be ashamed. You have been honest with her, and honesty is something that every friendship should have, above all. Give her a little space. She may just come around. As for your mom, her "opinions" seem to contradict themselves. But I encourage you to take the high road in this case, and just be mature about it, regardless of the decision you make. You may not be able to change her mind right away, but if you can earn her respect in this situation, you will have a greater chance of encouraging a change of mind in the long run. Good luck with your decision. =] __________________ -fka Cathryn-

04-01-2008, 05:20 AM	#4 (permalink)
Princess Mary Sleepwalkers Dream Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: With the Angels in The Silent Force Age: 24 Posts: 3,346 Points: 250.00 Bank: 128,766.94 Total Points: 129,016.94 Donate	I don't understand where your mum is coming from. On one hand, she says it's okay to be gay, but on the other hand, she condemns bisexual people. You also claim to be gay, yet you also say you are bisexual, so I imagine you are not 100% sure who you are at this stage. Good on you for coming out to your friends, and your mum. I never came out to my mum until she flat out asked me if I was gay, because my sister is also gay. I wish I had the courage you did. You can never be sure how people will react to news like this. Your best friend in the world could turn against you, you can't do anything about that. Maybe she is shocked and needs to deal with the news, or maybe she is simply one of those ignorant types? Whichever the case, it will become clearer to you as time passes. At the moment, I would keep my distance from your friend - make her come to you. Don't push her into accepting you, she must do this for herself. If she doesn't, then it is her loss. As for your mum, I don't know about that. By what your mum says, she is contradicting herself, and sounds rather hypocritical. I'd ask her to clarify her position - maybe she didn't realise the mistake she made. I wish you all the best in the future. __________________

04-01-2008, 05:52 AM	#5 (permalink)
Phoenix Fires Cheburashka Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: UK Age: 22 Posts: 3,367 Points: 1,035.92 Bank: 817,695.41 Total Points: 818,731.33 Donate	Firstly, I just need to tell you how brave you are that you've done it! Sometimes it's the hardest thing in the world to tell someone who you really are. Some people think it's a big deal and others... well, your best friend. Ok, how long did it take you to discover that you're bisexual? I know it's going to be hard but you need to give your friend time to get used to it, nobody can understand it in a couple of days, just like nobody becomes gay in a day. Give her time to get used to the idea, she's going to need space. I know you need to talk to her but just give it a bit of time. Did you come out to all your friends at once? About your mum... I have to tell you now that there are a lot of people in the world who think that bisexuality isn't real, both gay and straight, and your mum's reaction wasn't unusual. I told my mum that I thought I was bisexual, and her reaction was to tell me that bisexuality doesn't exist. And this really hurt, because my struggle with that was a big part of my life and she just brushed it aside as a phase. I ended up in tears myself. She also said it's ok to be gay, although she'd be disappointed. So I kind of know how you feel here. If you need someone's shoulder to cry on, please PM me... I have one piece of advice... how long did you feel you were living a lie, how long did you worry about telling people, and how relieved did you feel to finally get it out in the open despite the consequences? By not telling your mum the real truth, you're just going to keep living the lie, and it's going to keep hurting. Tell her you're bisexual, just kill the lie dead in its tracks and let her get used to it on her own time. It's just my advice though. There are always going to be people who don't take bisexuality seriously, people who descriminate against it, people who don't understand. But if you keep it to yourself, even after you've come out, you're not helping... Be straight with people. So to speak __________________ This is the only kind of love as I understand it that there really is... ...You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have I give you thanks for receiving, it's my privilege And you owe me nothing in return

04-01-2008, 11:32 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sweet Tigger I'm the only one! Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Age: 30 Posts: 1,431 Points: 3,830.57 Bank: 27,391.14 Total Points: 31,221.71 Donate	Wow, that takes a hell of alot of courage, telling people, and coming out with it. As for your mom, and friends, first your friends, if they really liked you, and are truly a friend, they should like you no matter what, it does NOT change the person you are inside. You are your mothers child, and should except you just for the way you are, conconditionaly!! There are people in the world, who keep this kind of secret for years, and years. You should be PROUD, to be who you are, and never let anyone tell you different. Being gay, bi, its only what you perfer in the people you go out with, it DOES NOT change the true person you really are. For all you know, some of your friends may be going through the exact same issue, and don't know how to tell someone. Keep your head held high, and have strength, and know its perfectly fine, to be who you are, there are SO many people in this world, who are the exact same. You should always be proud, of what you do, and always the person you grew up to be!!! __________________ Always Believe In Your Self!!!

04-01-2008, 04:46 AM	#2 (permalink)
lithium92 n00blet Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 25 Points: 2,486.54 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,486.54 Donate	Hey. I've never dealt with this situation, but I can help. You say your friend won't talk to you. Well, i want you to think to yourself, Is she really a good friend?? Should i continue to try and get her back?? I don't want to be rude or anything, but if she doesn't like you for being different, then i wouldn't waste my time trying to talk to her. If she can't accept you for you, then i don't think she's a real true friend. Now, about your mother. I know how it feels when people say that gays or bi's shouldn't be here, but the thing is, they don't know what they're saying. My parents know about me, and they don't care. But they sent me to a psychiatrist. I found that offensive, but i just don't care. I think you should tell your mum. Taking into consideration what your mum said, I think she'd still love you no matter what. I hope i helped you in some way... If not, I'm sorry...

04-01-2008, 05:47 PM	#7 (permalink)
hellothisisme n00blet Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: on this little planet some people call earth.... Posts: 17 Points: 2,694.79 Bank: 239.02 Total Points: 2,933.81 Donate	Ok, how long did it take you to discover that you're bisexual? (i've thought for years, but at first i thought gay, but i spent a month or so letting things unveil and i came to being bi as the conclusion) Did you come out to all your friends at once?(no, i told them in order of how close i felt to them, to insure trust if i wanted to keep it from the other kids for awhile) how long did you feel you were living a lie(ummmm, like since i was like 8), how long did you worry about telling people(i havent stopped worrying in years, i've always worried that someone might look through my computer and find the gay teen chat rooms and support groups, or open aim and find the guys on there i talk to, im always scared shitless, but i seem even more scared now, about the future), and how relieved did you feel to finally get it out in the open despite the consequences?(when i told the first person i almost shit myself as it was coming out, but after i felt like a million pounds was lifted off my shoulder, that is until i realized i had about three thousand more to tell) __________________ adviceforthestupid.freeforums.org, check it out man! register to join the awesome wonder that is AFTS!!!!

04-01-2008, 05:51 PM	#8 (permalink)
Nikky dyingsoul (?) Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Curitiba (PR), Brazil Age: 18 Posts: 3,149 Points: 1,269.88 Bank: 7,197.91 Total Points: 8,467.79 Donate $'cause you're not underage anymore \o - supervixen$	I am too. Everyone but my family knows it. I know how this works. It's a big creepy and confused way of living, but there's no need to worry. You've done the right thing. And if they all really have feelings for you, things will work it out by itselves. Good luck, anyway. __________________ Soul Embraced BR Last edited by Nikky : 04-01-2008 at 06:11 PM.

04-01-2008, 09:55 PM	#9 (permalink)
Jane seimei no kyozetsu Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Ohio Age: 20 Posts: 1,975 Points: 1,807.52 Bank: 41,888.76 Total Points: 43,696.28 Donate	What you have to understand about your mom is that she was raised a certain way and has beliefs imprinted on her. Usually, our beliefs are given to us by our parents, and those beliefs don't change until they are challenged. Your mom's belief about sexuality has probably never been challenged before. Just have a sit down and explain your feelings with her, hopefully she will be able to understand or at least make an effort since she's your mom. A quick story for you: I have this guy friend. He was raised hardcore Christian and taught that homosexuality was a sin and you would go to hell for it. Well, his parents split up several years ago, and his mom told him and his sister that she was a lesbian and she now has a partner (who she's been with for a few years now). My friend really struggled with this because of what he originally was taught to believed, but eventually came to terms with it. His situation is similar to what your mom will have to go through, and hopefully she will come around, but you really need to have a serious talk with her and help her explain WHY you feel the way you do and ask her for her support and love. Good luck. __________________ Jane

04-02-2008, 12:55 AM	#10 (permalink)
lithium92 n00blet Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 25 Points: 2,486.54 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,486.54 Donate	I agree that it's hard to come out. I did and yeah, my parents said it felt like someone had died in the family! They didn't mean to hurt me. Now, About your friend... Sorry if i'm mean here, but your friend doesn't seem very nice to me. If she can't accept you for you, then i don't think she's worth it! I mean, If she's turned on you, then i don't think she was ever really your true friend! She could realise what she's doing and wake up to herself, or she might not. I think you should just wait and see. Or you could attempt trying to talk to her and *make* her listen, without the use of violence of course... Just see how things go. Now about you're mum... I too, don't get her logic. She accepts gays but she hates bi's. I really don't get that... She's stumped me on that one... Well, from experience, if you really want to keep a friend, I would just keep believing that they will come back to their senses. Either you're friend will come to her senses OR she will just be an ignorant little f**ker... Sorry about that... I hope i've helped, if i haven't then i'm sorry... Here's something to say to your friend: "Why do you hate me now that you know?? You liked me before i told you, and i'm not any different now than I was before i told you!" I hope that works for ya!!!

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