In My Mind - EvBoard

Riff · 08-26-2007, 09:45 AM

This is a piece i wrote for a friend of mine who went through a really bitter break up a while ago. Let me know what you guys think ,im open to criticsim. Thank you for your time.

If i tunnel my way out tonight (bare handed),
Will i make it?
Passed all of the dirt, the filth, the black,
Will i see your light? (waiting)
Will you send me crawling back?

This face shines bright with hope,
-while deep inside it dies,
Succumbing to the pressure
-of all the torment and the lies.

You'll never see me down on one knee
-not now youve sucked the marrow from the bone (im lifeless)
You said were in the same boat honey (sinking)
-so why am i drowning alone?
The water is so cold tonight,
-and yet its burning me, oh its burning me,
To see you watching in the soft moonlight,
-oh its burning me,to know you're here unwillingly (oh it burns).

This face shines bright with hope,
-while deep inside it dies,
Succumbing to the pressure
-of all the torment and the lies.

I painted a pretty picture on a page of discontent,
Oh how worthwhile.
It hid the bitter truth (from you),
You never had to wonder where that happy guy went.
Just kept to youself dear didnt you?
While I remained so mute (not anymore)
Oh you just didnt care, blissfully so unaware.

This face shines bright with hope,
-while deep inside it dies,
Succumbing to the pressure
-of all the torment and the lies.

In my mind you'll never go away (never),
And i'll wake beside you everyday (forever).

Apholos · 10-20-2007, 02:59 PM

I like the sense and meanings of your writing.
It seems to me that It shows pain but love.
It' s very expressful: I mean, It' s direct just to say what someone feelings are.
In my opinion, you should keep writing and posting.
Best Regards!

08-26-2007, 09:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
Riff n00blet Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 2 Points: 136.55 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 136.55 Donate	In My Mind This is a piece i wrote for a friend of mine who went through a really bitter break up a while ago. Let me know what you guys think ,im open to criticsim. Thank you for your time. If i tunnel my way out tonight (bare handed), Will i make it? Passed all of the dirt, the filth, the black, Will i see your light? (waiting) Will you send me crawling back? This face shines bright with hope, -while deep inside it dies, Succumbing to the pressure -of all the torment and the lies. You'll never see me down on one knee -not now youve sucked the marrow from the bone (im lifeless) You said were in the same boat honey (sinking) -so why am i drowning alone? The water is so cold tonight, -and yet its burning me, oh its burning me, To see you watching in the soft moonlight, -oh its burning me,to know you're here unwillingly (oh it burns). This face shines bright with hope, -while deep inside it dies, Succumbing to the pressure -of all the torment and the lies. I painted a pretty picture on a page of discontent, Oh how worthwhile. It hid the bitter truth (from you), You never had to wonder where that happy guy went. Just kept to youself dear didnt you? While I remained so mute (not anymore) Oh you just didnt care, blissfully so unaware. This face shines bright with hope, -while deep inside it dies, Succumbing to the pressure -of all the torment and the lies. In my mind you'll never go away (never), And i'll wake beside you everyday (forever).

10-20-2007, 02:59 PM	#2 (permalink)
Apholos Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Buenos Aires Argentina Age: 33 Posts: 46 Points: 11,605.01 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 11,605.01 Donate	I like it! I like the sense and meanings of your writing. It seems to me that It shows pain but love. It' s very expressful: I mean, It' s direct just to say what someone feelings are. In my opinion, you should keep writing and posting. Best Regards!

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