Beffy's Poetry.
Before you move on without reading, I have to say that I have won awards for the poems here. All of which are some part of my soul left on a computer terminal. If you want to know me, the part of me that hides from the sunlight, this is it.
~*~beffy~*~

~*~Don't Abandon Me.~*~

Don't Abandon Me.
Don't leave me for who I am,
I shall never recover,
I will never survive.
I haven't walked a road where your footprints weren't next to mine,
I haven't sung a song, that hasn't played in your mind.
There are things that I long to scream to you
But I haven't the breath to find it.
Here in this abandoned hall, we make love
Day after day, I lay amongst the warmth of your dreams,
And longingly I wait for you to wake up to me
In this mist of lost emotion and lack of music
I want to have you in my audience when I sing the words
That remain yet undefined
But realize I may not hear you,
When you finally cry.
But I will see the tears fall to the dimly lit floor,
And I will collect them, my only prize.
For therein is all that I will need.

~*~Lost in a infinite puddle of love.~*~

I wish I could say it.
God, how I wish you knew.
I think you do, maybe.
But yet it remains unspoken.
I want with all of me to make you happy.
Why is so impossible? Why are you so difficult?
Why can't I make my way around you,
Without touching your dark soft hair,
Without caputring a snapshot of your eyes .
What have you done to me?
Where are my dreams at night?
You remain in the day, haunting my waking soul
Nothing I can do now, but wait for you to come home.
There are so many words left unsaid, Screaming for recognition.

~*~Passion/Erotica~*~

I have felt the warmth of your breath on my skin
Longing to pull you inside of me.
Watch me now, I am looking up at you.
The sun is setting on this langour
My body longs to be your conqueror
I need to feel your release
There was a time that I was numb to all this
I can't even believe it now.
I never felt my body alive,
I had no reason for it.
But you have made me anew
I am waiting for you to call to me, please.
I sing of you for every song
I wait for you in every verse
I will feel you there where the gods make life
I want to see that you enjoy the ways that I enjoy
And becuase of you, both of you,
I will let me fall into the ways of your sin.
And, oh, How I enjoy that final sigh,
The night is done, the sun is up
And we are euphorically exhausted.

~*~Fail me~*~, (one of my favorite poems)

I will fall past the open arms of security into the unknown
I will risk my sanity for the love of money
I will know the pain of heartache to find blinding passion
I willl find myself before a godless monster fighting for you all, even though you may never know my sacrifices
I will be the first one to fail you
I will stand there and watch you lose so that you may be all the stronger to get yourself out again
I will know when the task is too arduous and take over when the load sways too heavy for your delicate soul.
I will be there, if and when you call
I will be there if and when you dont.
I will watch you fail me again.
I will love you, even when you won't

~*~I would do anything, but it is too late~*~

I can't think past this journey any longer
I don't think we can get away
I know that I mean little more to him than any other
I lay still below his apathy
Where did the time go
So fast and so hard to see
Lost among the swirling memory
I cease to be
I will hustle my way through the evening
Waning into the fall
Wanting to feel the way that you did
When we lost it all
I will burn the photo I keep in my heart
Of all the bad and all the angry
For one last dance across this tedious wall
I will take your hand in mine
Your eyes can not see my tears fall
You can not look my way
This hand is cold now
I can not stand to hold you any longer than you want
I hope that you love long again dear
I hope that you find your haunt
I hope you find a reason to wake up
And appease the terrors that are near

~*~The flowers of the night~*~

Crimson floods your eyes
Awake restless in heat
Persisitance Starlight quenches the soul
And you'll find the night alive
Music and neon puts life into bloom
And deeply rooted into the late night
Diners, theaters clubs bars and discos
Morning people are 2 dimensional
Cardboard and paper cutters
Availible for sale half off maybe
The flowers of the night watch them
Following a straight and narrow
While we're free to be a star.

~*~Green Dragon Notebook~*~

Emotional waves, Cloudy from rain
Take my heart with you.
Floating away, But Rarely far.
With it, Gone Creativity
I could sing I could paint.
An Introspective, violet soul.
Set to Brush,or a tune.
How do you split love and sex?
Liquid exstacy flowing over
my florescent breast
Allowing feelings that are not
Mine to nuzle there
Do I tell you everything, yes.
Do I feel lost in sex, no.
I just feel too much.
And I don't think too enough
I don't think I feel anyway.

~*~The death of self love and hope.~*~

I do not want my reality as Her
I can not deal with living around Her
It was not part of the accord
To know "all alone"
I believe I am not
But it is no solace now
I want to feel Average
And bring to me the extraordinary
To exist as a human being
To feel the smooth curves of carnality
Pouring sensuality as warm water over my skin.

~*~Dramatic Death~*~

I see the crowd laughing.
My soul rises,
Ah, holy light project me to my dreams of silver screen suicide.
Life is surely not worth my time.
Let the crowd see me for who I am
someone I see in my mind, not my mirror .


~*~To my Children (A lost dream)~*~(this poem means the most to me, and I won 3 separate awards for it.)

How is it I mourn you everyday, but you never existed?
You will always be only a photograph in my heart.
Locked up forever with my childhood dreams.
And all that once made me whole.
I hope you sleep well tonight my loves.
Your dark eyes haunt my waking soul.
I will dream a infinite sleep of you forever.

Since we are to put all of our stuff in the same place, I am also posting some pics of me and my hubby.
This is the new Falls I wore to the club last night I am proud of them.
Oh and, because of my health issues I look like I gain and lose weight all night. I look like crap in some of these. I just want to show the falls.



I'm not naked, I am wearing a tank top. lol.

My husband, Hes really pretty. I have been married to him 7 years



Things I do for fun
Pudding wrestling parties (I am not in the pic I took it, it was my husbands 30th bd party)
I worked the Haunted Hydro with my friends.


And I do Rocky Horror Picture Show!


So, yeah. Stuff about the Beffy