Ironica's stuff - EvBoard

ironica111 · 02-19-2006, 04:39 PM

yea... most of them are Christian...I need feedback

I'd do any thing for you
I thought we had it all
Then came the fall
I feel so alone, abandoned

Why would you do this to me
Whihout a thought of what we could be

but I'm okay
I'll be fine
When everything is crumbling
I'll hold on to the One who died for me

When there seems to be no end
and the tears fall like rain
When all I want is to sleep forever
I'll hold on to His love

but I'm okay
I'll be fine
When everything is crumbling
I'll hold on to the One who died for me
*********************************
The truth is hard to find
When fear is all that's left behind
How do I get to where I belong

And here I am
Left in this mess I’ve created
I can't feel you any more
trapped inside myself

My actions surprise even me
I've blurred the lines of reality
Distorted the image of what once was me
And rejected what would set me free

And here I am
Crying out to you
come and lead me
Outside of myself
******************************************
One look in the mirror
Confirms my fear
Hair tangled up in knots
Reminds me of all I'm not
Oh, how I’d love to be them
The pretty girls that always win
I know you love me just the same
But I want the attention, I want the fame
Please God, make me just like them
***********************************************
The wind sings to softly to me
as a season fades away
and winter takes me in it's embrace

All my dreams echo in my empty heart
as the days go by
Speak to me of all I need
of love, truth, and life

Put my weary soul at ease
Sing to me a new song
As winter fades away

Carmen · 02-19-2006, 05:13 PM

I really like those. I can sense some Amy inspiration in them

ironica111 · 02-19-2006, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carmenescence

I really like those. I can sense some Amy inspiration in them

yeah I'm thinking a little too much Amy inspiration tho.

Im_Broken · 02-19-2006, 11:12 PM

Your poem sounds great. I like the way everything flows together. I love your style of writing too. You make everything sound great. Keep up the fantastic work. I would love to see more soon.

Writer4Life_HMU · 02-20-2006, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Hair tangled up in knots
Reminds me of all I'm not
Oh, how I’d love to be them
The pretty girls that always win

Awesome comparison here. And... awesome description. You used a metaphor here... but the metaphor itself was another thing that compared to you.

Awesome... always keep writing...

Jodi

ironica111 · 02-20-2006, 08:51 AM

thanks

lalalalala

ironica111 · 02-27-2006, 06:03 PM

When the world is cold
and all hope is lost
When I am judged
and they don't know who I am

you came and saved me
they can say
All they want to say
but you hold my life
you're the only one who knows me

when I make a mistake
and lose sight of what's right
all I have to do is go to you

ironica111 · 03-01-2006, 10:10 PM

I remember when it all began
And reached out and took my hand
The amethyst sky high above
With that first kiss I believed my life began

Long walks hand in hand
Long talks about everything
I never thought it could fade

The flowers withered
And spring began to waste away
I’ll never forget that winter night
When I lost my lifes true light
Taken with no goodbye

But I must move on
And try to be strong
But my prayers for you will never end
Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be

Caligari_87 · 03-02-2006, 09:27 AM

I hate just saying "very good", but at the moment my mind is a blank. However, I do like your poetry very much, especially the Christian aspect. You manage to find a good balance, so it doesn't sound too overblown or obvious. That's hard to do sometimes, and you did it well.

Great stuff!

Nikky · 03-02-2006, 06:02 PM

I really loved your text.
It's really deep and sincere and show a lot of hide stuff about each person.
Really nice job.
Keep posting, ok?

02-19-2006, 04:39 PM	#1 (permalink)
ironica111 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: I don't remember... Age: 19 Posts: 127 Points: 1,236.12 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,236.12 Donate	Ironica's stuff yea... most of them are Christian...I need feedback I'd do any thing for you I thought we had it all Then came the fall I feel so alone, abandoned Why would you do this to me Whihout a thought of what we could be but I'm okay I'll be fine When everything is crumbling I'll hold on to the One who died for me When there seems to be no end and the tears fall like rain When all I want is to sleep forever I'll hold on to His love but I'm okay I'll be fine When everything is crumbling I'll hold on to the One who died for me ******************************* The truth is hard to find When fear is all that's left behind How do I get to where I belong And here I am Left in this mess I’ve created I can't feel you any more trapped inside myself My actions surprise even me I've blurred the lines of reality Distorted the image of what once was me And rejected what would set me free And here I am Crying out to you come and lead me Outside of myself ************************************** One look in the mirror Confirms my fear Hair tangled up in knots Reminds me of all I'm not Oh, how I’d love to be them The pretty girls that always win I know you love me just the same But I want the attention, I want the fame Please God, make me just like them ********************************************* The wind sings to softly to me as a season fades away and winter takes me in it's embrace All my dreams echo in my empty heart as the days go by Speak to me of all I need of love, truth, and life Put my weary soul at ease Sing to me a new song As winter fades away __________________ It's not the fear forgeting...but the fear of being forgotten

02-19-2006, 05:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
Carmen Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: England Age: 21 Posts: 1,781 Points: 9,392.57 Bank: 18,743.34 Total Points: 28,135.92 Donate	I really like those. I can sense some Amy inspiration in them __________________ Without passion we truly would be dead My Stuff \|\| My Space

02-19-2006, 11:12 PM	#4 (permalink)
Im_Broken Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,397 Points: 470.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 470.00 Donate	Your poem sounds great. I like the way everything flows together. I love your style of writing too. You make everything sound great. Keep up the fantastic work. I would love to see more soon. __________________ -Rach- ((Check out my stuff)) when it starts to rain break out the slip and slide

02-20-2006, 08:51 AM	#6 (permalink)
ironica111 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: I don't remember... Age: 19 Posts: 127 Points: 1,236.12 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,236.12 Donate	thanks lalalalala __________________ It's not the fear forgeting...but the fear of being forgotten

02-27-2006, 06:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
ironica111 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: I don't remember... Age: 19 Posts: 127 Points: 1,236.12 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,236.12 Donate	here is another one When the world is cold and all hope is lost When I am judged and they don't know who I am you came and saved me they can say All they want to say but you hold my life you're the only one who knows me when I make a mistake and lose sight of what's right all I have to do is go to you __________________ It's not the fear forgeting...but the fear of being forgotten

03-01-2006, 10:10 PM	#8 (permalink)
ironica111 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: I don't remember... Age: 19 Posts: 127 Points: 1,236.12 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 1,236.12 Donate	this one isn't so good I remember when it all began And reached out and took my hand The amethyst sky high above With that first kiss I believed my life began Long walks hand in hand Long talks about everything I never thought it could fade The flowers withered And spring began to waste away I’ll never forget that winter night When I lost my lifes true light Taken with no goodbye But I must move on And try to be strong But my prayers for you will never end Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be __________________ It's not the fear forgeting...but the fear of being forgotten

03-02-2006, 09:27 AM	#9 (permalink)
Caligari_87 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Do you want to know? No, do you REALLY want to know? You don't. Age: 21 Posts: 115 Points: 755.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 755.00 Donate	I hate just saying "very good", but at the moment my mind is a blank. However, I do like your poetry very much, especially the Christian aspect. You manage to find a good balance, so it doesn't sound too overblown or obvious. That's hard to do sometimes, and you did it well. Great stuff! __________________ Roses are #FF0000 / Violets are #0000FF All my base / Are belong to you

03-02-2006, 06:02 PM	#10 (permalink)
Nikky dyingsoul (?) Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Curitiba (PR), Brazil Age: 18 Posts: 3,149 Points: 1,519.88 Bank: 7,341.87 Total Points: 8,861.75 Donate $'cause you're not underage anymore \o - supervixen$	I really loved your text. It's really deep and sincere and show a lot of hide stuff about each person. Really nice job. Keep posting, ok? __________________ Soul Embraced BR

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