Okay, normally I wouldn't do this; I prefer to give advice more than get advice, and I especially don't like to be so personal via the internet but what the fuck, I really do need advice. My Friend and I-who I'd go as far as saying is my BFF if the usage of it wasn't so annoying-recently had a pretty big fight over something that would take forever to explain and cause me to have spasms of fury. To sum it up, I got sick of her talking about her problems with this guy that i despise (for seven months!!!) and because i decided not to hear it anymore, I became the bad friend. We've basically made up, but i feel uncomfortable talking to her for long periods of time on the phone and i've been very impatient/uncompassionate towards her (well, not to her but i've been thinking and feeling it). I'm pretty sure my discomfort is because of unresolved feelings from our fight, but I don't really know if it's worth bringing everything up again and possibly restarting the fight (which would probably cause even more tension) or if i should get over it and move on with our friendship, or if this feeling means that our friendship has reached a fork and that things have changed or what. I'm just very confused as to what the fuck is going on with our friendship...so please help me and i will reward you with cupcakes...okay maybe not but if you don't respond, somewhere, a puppy will die...Okay, i'm sorry, i'm a little hyper right now. In all seriousness, help me...please. Thank you ~

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It is the darkness that binds me, that kills me, that tortures and rapes me...and yet it is the only good thing I have.
~Shadow~

If it's something that is honestly bothering you, then you should definitely talk to your friend about it, especially as you consider her to be a really good friend. You also do sound like you need some sort of closure from the fight you had.

Bringing it up again may make her mad; or it may not. Either way, if you have an issue with something, keeping quiet for the fear of making her angry isn't a great option. It will just sit there and fester and make you feel even worse, probably further deteriorating your friendship.

I of course don't know exactly what happened between you and your friend when you had this fight, but if you decide to talk to her about it try not to come across on an offense. If I were you, I'd write down my thoughts and feelings beforehand until I understood just what I wanted to say.

But really, when it comes to relationships with people, I absolutely don't believe that anything good can come from keeping such things hidden. Things need to be communicated.

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could make me love you less...

i agree you should bring it up with your friend unless you have decided the friendship is not worth keeping. however, as you have started this thread it appears you do care, therefore raise your issues and allow her to raise hers.
i lost a friendship through not raising issues that had concerned me such as someone i thought was my best friend disregarding my feelings towards an ex who was a bastard to me and inviting him to her birthday thing while mentioing it to me infront of a group of people. i didnt let her know how i was hurt and angry and resentment grew and the friendship is akward and we dont see each other that much. it also is a result that her bf is a complete wanker and she spends most of her time with him and i cant bring up how i feel and yes im kind of sad to lose the friendship but that happens and i was willing to move own.
work out how you feel about your friendship and how important it is to.
my advice though is if you do raise your issues don't say anything that seems like laying the blame. if there is a chance your friend is going to get back together with bf don't say anything about him you will later regret that she can hold against you.

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Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup

They slither while they pass

They slip away across the universe

Pools of sorrow waves of

Joy are drifting thorough my open mind

Sometimes rifts cannot be repaired, even if you make up.

As you get older, your feelings and opinions change. what may have made you best friends when you were younger may not be enough to keep you as best friends now.

I can't stand my "best friend". We've known eachother since we were 5 and she annoys me all the time. But I still love her to pieces, even if I can't stand being on the phone with her for more than 5 minutes because all she does in complain about things she has no intention of fixing.

So, it is quite possible things will not mend to the way they were. Things rarely do go back to the way they were.

If it really does bother you, then bring it up. Say something like "since it's all blown over, and I don't want it to happen again, this is why I acted the way I did last time."

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Scientist from Argentina discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse

Personally, this situation sounds all too familiar and I get the feeling you've expressed yourself to your friend LOTS of times before. Honestly, I feel like you need to relax and just get over it. So you find it annoying, big deal, she's going to do what she wants, regardless of the advice of others. If it gets too much to deal with (for you), maybe you guys shouldn't be quite as close friends and just let yourself have some space.

Don't hang on to a level of closeness in a friendship or the expectancy that you need to hear out every little problem your friend has. Otherwise (if you're unwilling to part ways with her slightly), just learn to not get so worked up over her problems.

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First of all, thank you to everyone who has responded, it's helped alot, though in someways left me more indecisive and confused...but don't worry about that now. I just wanted to respond to some of the comments.

It's really not that simple...

the problem is that I'm an extremely empathetic person. The other problem is that i'm one of the few people she can talk to. She usually unloads on me, which i haven't really minded until after our little fight. Now I find myself getting pissed off about all of her little problems. I understand she can do what she wants but that doesn't stop her from bitching about the same problems over and over again and that doesn't stop me from caring.

I realise that she probably expects too much from me and that i probably need to straighten this out with her and tell not to tell me so much of her shit. I know this, but i don't know if it's "right" of me to tell her "Sorry i can't listen to you rant anymore, find someone else," when she has no one else. For the record, our years of our friendship haven't made me feel like i need to listen to all her problems. It's simply because i'm an empathetic person that i feel like i have/need to.


Again, it's not that simple.

To those who have dirrected me to talk to her no matter if there is a fight or not, i really do want to talk to her but...well...a) i'm kinda scared to and b) i don't know if i'm just being ultra sensitive or if i have a valid point worth having a fight over. I know I'm kinda wimping out, but i really don't like conflict.

Update/Last point: i think some of her friends in school (we go to diff. schools) are causing/not helping alot of her problems because alot of these people have had fucked up shit happen to them. because of this, they are really fucked up (i don't mean this offensively, but they have some serious problems) and she hangs out with them, learns what/who has fucked them up and then tells me, which makes me worry about her...alot. I know i can't exactly tell her "don't hang out with these people", but they really aren't doing much good emotionally for her and it's causing me to be really anxious about her. (as you can see, i'm extremely empathetic).

so yeah...please give me more suggestions

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It is the darkness that binds me, that kills me, that tortures and rapes me...and yet it is the only good thing I have.
~Shadow~

Actually, it is. Not to be argumentative, but it seems like it's more complicated if you haven't been through it because you're worried about lots of things that you can't do anything about. Seriously, it's A LOT easier to let go of your anger/frustration than you may realize. You can be there for her and still be empathetic and offer her advice/an ear without getting worked up. Part of the way I deal with it, is just by having came to terms with the fact that sometimes they just need someone to listen to them and they will not always take advice. Some people just need to make that mistake to get it through their heads; just be sure to be there for her when she needs you, make yourself available (if you're not already).

It sounds like she's just very needy and really wants the attention. If all she needs is someone to vent to, then just let her vent... and encourage her to try different things. Practice being patient. And if she does repeat the same complaints, just point them out to her, ask her why things aren't changing, why things don't seem to be getting better, etc. Maybe hearing you say that she's going in circles would help to put it into perspective for her.

You also have to just come to terms with the fact that you can't control everything. You can only help so much; you can listen and give your opinion, but unless this takes a turn for the worse (like if she's getting into drugs, fights, etc.), then you'd need to take more drastic measures if you care about her. In the meantime, you could also try to spend more time with her, just hanging out to get her in a positive environment and hopefully it'll rub off on her little by little. Maybe even introducing her to some of your other friends to help her become a little bit more social and comfortable. But you can't control how she thinks or how other people are going to affect her, just do your job as her friend and be there for her - that's all you can do.

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I agree.
You should talk to your friend about this, otherwise you could never end up sorting it out and then what will you do??

I'll say this once, DON'T BOTTLE IT UP!!!!!!!!!!
I know from experience and i turned out suicidal and depressed and thinking everyone hated me for a while.
so just don't bottle up your feelings.

Well that's all I can think of right now, but yeah!!!
Hope everything works out for you!!!!!!!

*sigh*...okay, i guess it *is* that easy. She is pretty much going in a circle of pointless trouble and then venting to me when she's already been there a few dozen times. I'm starting to think she just likes to talk about her problems but refuses to do anything, and since her situation isn't getting any better (thanks to her not learning from her mistakes), she's completely rebeling and doing....bad things without trying to understand her actions. After talking with my therapist thoroughly about the situation, we've-i guess more importantly I- have come to the conclusion that my friend and I are in different places: I am trying to understand my mistakes and change/learn from them. She isn't and has been unwilling to try anything to allieviate (sp?) many of her problems. I'm trying to get (mentally) better while she's getting worse. So I guess I need to realize that there isn't much i can do to help her and that while I can still be her friend, the nature of our friendship has changed, and we need to address this. So...yeah, when i've sucked up enough courage, i will chat with her about this stuff and deal with it. Sorry this was so long...i tend to write/rant alot, but i think i've got my solution(s) to the problems. Thank you to all who have responded, it has been most unhelpful (no, i'm just kidding it's been very helpful). If anyone has additional comments go ahead, but i think i've got it.
Thanks again.

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It is the darkness that binds me, that kills me, that tortures and rapes me...and yet it is the only good thing I have.
~Shadow~