I'm proud of this stuff, guys. Be nice. Here's my first song in a while. I'll post more if it gets okay reviews :P

Overwhelming
And I can’t
Find a way to say it
This is my revelation,
This is my stand…
I was never,
What you wanted me to be
I never met your expectations
And so I run,
Run,
I run barefoot through this sand
And when I fall,
Fall,
I’ll get back up and stand
And I’ll look at the stars
And know
Maybe someone up there is watching me
Run,
Run…
You won’t take me away this time.
I can’t wake up every day, and
See an empty bed beside me
I can’t get used to
The sight of your back,
It’s as familiar as your face to me
I tried to be perfect, and I
Tried to walk away so many times
I walked down, to that
Familiar path of ours,
Forged so long ago,
And hoped you would be there
I cried out,
Answered only was my echo,
Returning the same question
I’ve been asking for years…

This is my revelation,
This is my stand…

And so I run,
Run,
I run barefoot through this sand
And when I fall,
Fall,
I’ll get back up and stand
And I’ll look at the stars
And know
Maybe someone up there is watching me
Run,
Run…
You won’t take me away this time.

Well, I got pretty good reviews, so here's a second one I wrote today!!!

Watching me in a beautiful scenery
I am your dream,
I am your dream.
Let me lull you to a peaceless sleep
The serenity of your nightmares
I'm why you scream,
I'm why you scream.
Don't cry out
Quiet now, don't give in yet.
Surrender now,
Before you break down.
Come to me,
Surrender.
I will learn your deepest fears and exploit you.
You part your lips in
a silent scream,
within a scream.
I watch wordlessly knowing
I could end this,
But I don't want to, and yet,
You're so beautiful
when...
you can't breathe...

I would love to hear this set to music. I can't find anything I don't like in it at the moment, so you are spared from my wrath Awesome job.

And so I run,
Run,
I run barefoot through this sand
And when I fall,
Fall,
I’ll get back up and stand

My favorite part It flows so well.

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Oh, wow, that's so nice of you! I'm glad you like it, but I'm no composer so more than likely it will end up in my archives. I'd love to be in a band; my voice isn't horrible at all, but I can't find anyone! We should talk music sometime.

Wow, that flows really well. I like it; the images are wonderful. Though, you don't really need all the commas. They just distract from the rhythm of the poem. I agree with Caligari_87 about those lines; they are amazing.

Very nice work!

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Thanks, I'm glad you like it, too! ^_^ Yeah, maybe I could do without some of the commas. :/

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-Rach- ((Check out my stuff))

Thanks! I'll have another song up soon!

Hey, nice new song. First off, then ending surprised me, so thats plus points right now. Nice flow and imagery, and there were some very good contradictory phrases, like

Let me lull you to a peaceless sleep
The serenity of your nightmares

Very cool I honestly can't find anything I don't like about it, except it needs music!

Oh, and one more suggestion: Post your new songs as a new post, so that the thread doesn't just fall off the end of the page. We won't see it unless you bump

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Good idea; I'm glad you liked it; it kinda creeped out the kids in my Creative Writing class! :P

xD!!! I LOVE that signature! MY fiance said that to me once and I think I was the only one who got it. :P