Jessica's poetry. Please critique! - EvBoard

beyond_sanity · 01-26-2006, 12:42 PM

Overdose

Burning emotion, consuming every thought.
Creative lies spewing from a mouth long sewn shut.
A nameless face staring at the sky.
Wanting to live and longing for death.
An end to the pain.
An end to the false love.
Counting down the minutes till the high sets in.
Another fake relief.
Voices screaming to end it all.
But reason screaming no.
Want to break this sick cycle.
But the will has faded.
Just want to numb the pain.
Numb the thoughts of what’s been lost.

Vampires Embrace

You saved me, You set my soul on fire.
You loved me, you gave in to all my desires.
You left me, you took my soul and made it dark.
You fed from me, and drained me off all my love.
You kissed me goodbye and stole away all my happiness.
You left me here and let the darkness take over.
You smiled and watched me fade away.

Goodnight

Goodnight my love, but not forever.
I will be the brightest star on your blackest night.
I will be the warm breeze caressing your porcelain cheeks.
I will be the only one you can hear when the silence sets in.
I will be there holding you in your sleep.
I will be your unknown comfort when your all alone.
I will be the angel set in stone, watching over you, and keeping you safe.
Goodnight my love, but not forever.

brokendoll · 01-26-2006, 01:43 PM

i liked the 3 poems.. but the first one Overdose it was perfect.
I liked it bcuz its kinda dark, deep, full and empty in the same time.
Good job dude!
Keep posting..id be glad to read more of your works.
Cya.
Roxy. xoxoxoxox

Leanne · 01-26-2006, 01:51 PM

Hey, I like your poems, they're cool. And you've chosen some good words there, ace. Hoep to see more soon!

canadianfire · 01-26-2006, 02:34 PM

i love the imagery you've used, it's so poiniant and beautiful! keep posting huni! x

01-26-2006, 12:42 PM	#1 (permalink)
beyond_sanity n00blet Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: The most boring place in Iowa... Age: 19 Posts: 12 Points: 611.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 611.00 Donate	Jessica's poetry. Please critique! Overdose Burning emotion, consuming every thought. Creative lies spewing from a mouth long sewn shut. A nameless face staring at the sky. Wanting to live and longing for death. An end to the pain. An end to the false love. Counting down the minutes till the high sets in. Another fake relief. Voices screaming to end it all. But reason screaming no. Want to break this sick cycle. But the will has faded. Just want to numb the pain. Numb the thoughts of what’s been lost. Vampires Embrace You saved me, You set my soul on fire. You loved me, you gave in to all my desires. You left me, you took my soul and made it dark. You fed from me, and drained me off all my love. You kissed me goodbye and stole away all my happiness. You left me here and let the darkness take over. You smiled and watched me fade away. Goodnight Goodnight my love, but not forever. I will be the brightest star on your blackest night. I will be the warm breeze caressing your porcelain cheeks. I will be the only one you can hear when the silence sets in. I will be there holding you in your sleep. I will be your unknown comfort when your all alone. I will be the angel set in stone, watching over you, and keeping you safe. Goodnight my love, but not forever. __________________ ~Lie to me. Convince me that I've been sick forever, and all of this will make sense when I get better.~

01-26-2006, 01:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
brokendoll Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: in a purple sky Posts: 256 Points: 453.87 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 453.87 Donate	i liked the 3 poems.. but the first one Overdose it was perfect. I liked it bcuz its kinda dark, deep, full and empty in the same time. Good job dude! Keep posting..id be glad to read more of your works. Cya. Roxy. xoxoxoxox __________________ "I lay dying everytime you call my name crying for help" Gabriella Lima Ev rulezRoxy Rox \m/

01-26-2006, 01:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Hey, I like your poems, they're cool. And you've chosen some good words there, ace. Hoep to see more soon! __________________

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01-26-2006, 02:34 PM	#4 (permalink)
canadianfire Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Bedfordshire, England Age: 18 Posts: 176 Points: 0.00 Bank: 2,221.10 Total Points: 2,221.10 Donate	i love the imagery you've used, it's so poiniant and beautiful! keep posting huni! x

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