Why couldn't the cow go to the movies?

Because he had no MOO-LAH!!

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What does Micheal Jackson and an old women have in common? They both like younger men!



hehe made that one up myself....yeah i know it sucks.

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Yeah it does.

Just kidding


I have more cow jokes, but I forgot them.

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A guy comes home and finds his wife on the bed all sweaty. she says, 'I think i'm having a heart attack!!!' so the guy calls 911. after he does his son comes down and asks, 'Daddy, why is uncle Sam in the closet?' so he goes upstairs and sure enough, there was the uncle in the closet. Except that he was naked and all sweaty. The guy says 'why are you in there when my wife is having a heart attack??!'

A MALE blond joke

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building,"

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too," The blond opened his lunch and said, "bologna again. If I get a
bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or Enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much,"

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "he makes his own lunch."


And some blonde jokes. Keep in mind..I AM technically blonde. So...no offense to blondes

A brunette was jumping on train tracks saying '21...21...21' over and over. A blonde came along and asked what she was doing. She replied, 'im jumping and saying 21'. so the blonde says, 'can i jump with u'? The brunette says, 'well, sure if u REALLY want to.' So they jump together saying '21...21...21' and then a train comes. The blonde doesn't hear it but the brunette jumps off the tracks and it hits the blonde and flattens her. The brunette jumps back on the tracks and starts saying, '22...22...22......'

Blonde Invention #1: a screen door for a submarine
#2: a solar powered flashlight
#3: a computer program on how to fix your computer
#4: a book on how to read


This is one of my favorites....

There was a woman whose husband divorced her. One day she found a lamp, so she rubbed it and a genie appeared. He said that he would grant her 3 wishes but whatever she wished for, her husband would get 3 times as much of it as she did.



So for her first wish she said, "I wish for a million dollars." Her wish was granted and her husband got 3 million dollars. This displeased her. So for her second wish she said, "I wish for a giant estate." her second wish was granted and her husband got 3 huge estates. This really ticked her off. So she thought for a little while and finally thought of something bad for her husband and made her final wish. She said, "For my third and final wish. I wish to be pregnant with twins.”

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Here is a way of knowing if you are slow.

Did you take the short bus to school or not?

tMR

okay okay okay, Here is a johnny joke.

Johnny is in the living room on Christman Eve and he asks his mother if he could open a gift. She says yes.

Johnny opens up the biggest gift and it is a train set. He decides to put it together and play with it.

Johnny says. "Choooo Choooooooooo All aboard, cha cha cha cha cha chaezzzzzzz Okay all you little fuckers that want to get off get off and all you little fuckers who want to get on get on.

His mother, in the kitchen hears him. She runs into the living room.

"Johnny do not say that again or I will send you to your room for one hour."

Johnny replies, "Okay, I'm sorry." He grabs his train set and says " Choooo Choooooooooo All aboard, cha cha cha cha cha chaezzzzzzz Okay all you little fuckers that want to get off get off and all you little fuckers who want to get on get on."

His mother runs in and screams at him. "I warned you. Get your ass to your room for one hour."

Johnny drops his head and goes to his room for one hour. After an hour, he asks his mom if he can play with his train again. She said "Yes but do not say that again."

"Okay mommy I promise I won't" Johnny garbs his train and says. "Choooo Choooooooooo All aboard, cha cha cha cha cha chaezzzzzzz Okay all you little fuckers that want to get off get off and all you little fuckers who want to get on and complain about the hour delay talk to the fucking bitch in the kitchen."

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"Your shadow is dark as should be your music." tMR
"Golf courses are heaven. It's the only place where you can drink and drive and piss in public." tMR

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!

202020

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Hehe.. that last one made me giggle... ok This is one my dad supposedly made up...
Q: Why did the Mustard blush?
A: Because it saw the Salad Dressing!
hahaha.... my daddy's a really funny guy, I tell ya. Ok, one more..
Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, you've already told her twice!

lmao!!!! *can't stop laughing*

ok.... im back with another...

One day, a boy and his mother are walking in the park when they come across a teen couple having sex on a bench.
"Mommy, what are they doing?" asks the boy, pointing at the couple.
"Making cupcakes son," replied the mother after thinking how best to answer.

A little while later the boy and his mother are at the zoo when they come across two monkeys having sex.
"Mommy, what are they doing?" asks the boy, pointing at the monkeys.
"Making cupcakes son," replied the mother for a second time.

So the boy and his mother go home. The next morning, the boy walks up to his mother.
"Mommy, you and daddy were making cupcakes on the couch last night weren't you?" the boy asks of his mother.
"What makes you think that son?" the mother says, looking a little worried.



"I licked the frosting off," replies the boy.

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*shudders at the thought* Eeew... That's disturbing...ok, I have one...
A young Indian boy is sitting with his mother when he asks her, "Mommy how do we get our names?" She says, "Son, when a woman has a baby, the first thing she sees when she walks out of her tent will be the name for the child. For example, she might see a humming bird on a tree, she'll name him Little Hummingbird. Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"