Dumb jokes. The ones I love (I'm sorry guys)


- Last Minute News!! : Suicide twin kills brother by mistake.


- Last Minute News!! : A plane crashed down in a cementery.
10.000 deads were found.



Last night I was lying on bed watching the stars. And suddenly I asked myself,
"Where the f*ck is the ceiling?"



A man has a terrible accident, when he arrives to the hospital, the doctor tells him :
- I have a good new and a bad new for you.
- Tell me first the bad one, doctor, says the man
- We have to amputate both your legs, says the doctor
- And the good one? asks the man..
- That there's this guy out there that wants to buy your shoes.



- Habla usted español?
- What?
- Que si habla usted español?
- I'm sorry, I don't understand you!!
- I asked if you speak spanish?
- Oh, yeah. Perfectly.

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So, this dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Arguing on the internet is like racing in the Paralympics. Even if you win, you're still a retard.

What's better than winning a gold at the Paralympics? NOT BEING A RETARD.

^^^ Easily offended? Don't read the black text, then.

Two nuns go bicycling down a cobblestone street. The first one says to the other, "I haven't come this way before." The second one says, "It's the cobblestones."


In the beginning there was nothing, then God said, "Let there be light." And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see a lot better.


If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?

A: Made her chain too long.


What do you do when your washing machine stops working?

A: Slap the bitch till she starts again.


What are three words you don't want to hear when you're making love?

A: "Honey, I'm home!"


Two old ladies are sitting in a park, when a flasher walks up, yanks open his raincoat and exposes himself totally to them. This is an enormous shock to the ladies and one of them has a stroke right away! The other one can't quite reach...


Sorry...I couldn't resist...Sry blonde ppl of the board...

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

A: Knock on the door.

Did you hear about the blonde who was stuck in the mall during a black out?

A: She was stuck on the escalator for hours!

Why does a blonde keep a coathanger in the backseat of her car?

A: In case she locks her keys in the car.


One night a husband came home to his wife with a black eye.
"What happened?" she asked.
"I got into a fight with the Super. He said he had slept with every woman in this apartment building except for one."
"Hmm," his wife replied. "I bet it's that ugly woman on the second floor."

Adam came first. But then, men always do.


Some bad pick up lines:

"Say, did we go to different schools together?"

"Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?"

Anagrams:

Dormitory=Dirty room
Mother in law=Woman Hitler
Eleven plus two=twelve plus one

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[One sip of the blood that I found..]//[..lying here..]
Add my band!!!!!!!!! [Evil Intentions] Sadly we have no mp3s up yet...

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okay here are a few:
a little boy walks up to his father and asks "daday where did my intelligence come from?" the father answered "well son it must have come from ur mother cause i still have mine"

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

knock knock. whos there? little boy blewlittle boy blew who? michael jackson.

what did 50 cent say when he got a sweater for his birthday?

Gee you knit?

A mother and son go walking through the park, when the little son sees a pair of teenagers having sex in the park. He asks, "What are they doing mother?" The mother replies, "They're making cupcakes son."
When they go to the zoo, the little boy sees a pair of monkeys going at it. He asks, "What are they doing mother?" The mother replies, "They're making cupcakes son."
The next day, the little boy walks into the kitchen to where his mother is. "You and daddy were making cupcakes last night, weren't you?" he asks.
"What makes you say that?!" the mother replies.
"Because I just licked the frosting off the couch."

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[One sip of the blood that I found..]//[..lying here..]
Add my band!!!!!!!!! [Evil Intentions] Sadly we have no mp3s up yet...

A bus with 20 ugly people crashed and everybody was killed. When they get to heaven god gives them each one wish and one wish only. The first girl walks up and says "I would like to be pretty." God grants her wish and she becomes very pretty. The other passengers see this and the second girl in line says "I want to be pretty like her." God grants the wish and she is pretty. A girl in the back of a line starts laughing her head off. While the other people are puzzled they all keep asking to be pretty. When there is only 2 people left the girl is rolling on the floor laughing. When she gets to make her wish she says "I want you to make them all ugly again."

Love everyones jokes (everyone except for one...). Especially Rowans most recent ones. The one about the woman coming out of the kitchen...lmfao. You are one funny mofo

Thanks for the laughs guys, keep 'em coming!

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