Jokes - Page 15 - EvBoard

Bloodred · 09-27-2004, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockergirl

what is green and smells like ms. piggy? kermit's finger!

haha, now everybody laugh....

Haha

Someone told me that joke the other day, only they said 'what's green and smells like pork'

Rowan · 09-27-2004, 05:10 PM

I remembered and got some more.

And thank you Mindy!

Childrens books one will never see:

You Are Different And That Is Bad

Dad's New Wife Timothy

Pop Goes The Kitten! And Other Great Microwave Games

Curious George And The High Voltage Fence

The Pop Up Book of Human Anatomy

Strangers Have The Best Candy

Confucius say...
Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

An old, blind man goes walking down a street when his guide dog stops and pees on his leg. The blind man reaches into his pocket and gives the dog a treat. A passer by is impressed that the old man kindness and says, "That's a nice thing to do after what your dog just did."
"Not really," replied the old, blind man. "I just needed to find where his mouth is so I can kick him in the balls."

These are kinda dirrty....lol!

How can you tell which is the head nurse?

A: She's the one with the dirty knees!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed circumciser?

A: He got the sack.

Berenice · 09-28-2004, 11:46 AM

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
M: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's!

LoveHateTragedy · 09-28-2004, 03:41 PM

most of your jokes were nice

i have some here, hope they wasnt there before.
why are all Italians so small ??
cause their farthers said to them : when you are grown-up u have to work!!

police officer : hey you

you can only fish here with permission!!!
angler : ahh thx for the tip! So far I always tried it with worms.

lht: I support environmental protection! for example i never throw old train-tickets away i use them several times.

Sparky · 09-28-2004, 03:57 PM

these are all mama jokes:

your mama's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.

your mama's so old, when i told her to act her own age, she died.

your mama's so fat, you have to take a train, and two buses just to get on her good side.

your mama's so old, when she was in school, they didn't have history.

your mama's so fat, her bloodtype is spaghetti sauce.

Dark Mind · 09-28-2004, 04:07 PM

Here... two funny pictures... lol... good fun...

-------------------
*The goods, dies------- young*

Berenice · 09-28-2004, 04:08 PM

Mhm I don't like those Mama jokes. They are kind of respectless. Just my opinion...

Wicked Pixxie · 09-28-2004, 04:09 PM

Two managers are going over their budget for the next year.

After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane.

They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off.

Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk.

In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water.

One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane.

Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..."

Jane: "Well, Jack off. I've got a headache."

this one is a lil more dirty so don't read it if you don't like dirty jokes.

Why it sucks being a dick!

10. You've got a hole in your head.

9. Your master strangles you all the time.

8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.

7. You shrink in cold water.

6. You never get a haircut.

5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.

4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.

3. Your best friend is a pussy.

2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish.

And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick:

1. Every time you get excited, you throw up.

Scody · 10-05-2004, 08:09 PM

So there's a girl (with no arms and no legs) on a beach, and she starts bawling her eyes out. A man who was also on that beach comes up to her and asks her what was wrong, she replies: I'm 16, I have no arms no legs and I've never been kissed. So he figures if he kisses her she'll shut up. So he does. And then he walks off. A couple minutes later he hears her bawling again. So he walks over to her and asks her what's wrong now? And she replies: I'm 16 I have no arms, no legs and I've never been screwed. So he picks her up, walks into the ocean, drops her and says: THERE! NOW YOU'RE SCREWED!

lmao, this one always makes me laugh.

Unamed~Feeling · 10-15-2004, 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cruithne

An Eskimo is driving a piece-of-shit car that starts to stall. He just manages to pull it in to a repair shop before the car dies completely. The Eskimo gets the mechanic who opens the hood. The mechanic looks at the engine for a few seconds, then looks at the Eskimo. "Looks like you blew a seal," he says. The Eskimo puts his hand over his mouth for a second and replies, "Oh, no, no, I just had a milkshake!"

I heard this one:

An Eskimo is touring New Zeland when his rental car breaks down. He calls the mechanic and when the mechanic gets there he looks at the car and goes "mate, you've blown two seals" and the Eskimo goes "So what, you fuck sheep"

09-27-2004, 05:10 PM	#142 (permalink)
Rowan Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: where i'm happy Age: 20 Posts: 758 Points: 778.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 778.00 Donate	I remembered and got some more. And thank you Mindy! Childrens books one will never see: You Are Different And That Is Bad Dad's New Wife Timothy Pop Goes The Kitten! And Other Great Microwave Games Curious George And The High Voltage Fence The Pop Up Book of Human Anatomy Strangers Have The Best Candy Confucius say... Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient. An old, blind man goes walking down a street when his guide dog stops and pees on his leg. The blind man reaches into his pocket and gives the dog a treat. A passer by is impressed that the old man kindness and says, "That's a nice thing to do after what your dog just did." "Not really," replied the old, blind man. "I just needed to find where his mouth is so I can kick him in the balls." These are kinda dirrty....lol! How can you tell which is the head nurse? A: She's the one with the dirty knees! Did you hear about the cross-eyed circumciser? A: He got the sack. __________________ [One sip of the blood that I found..]//[..lying here..] Add my band!!!!!!!!! [Evil Intentions] Sadly we have no mp3s up yet...

09-28-2004, 03:41 PM	#144 (permalink)
LoveHateTragedy Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Germany, Achern Age: 20 Posts: 432 Points: 23.38 Bank: 225.62 Total Points: 249.00 Donate	most of your jokes were nice i have some here, hope they wasnt there before. why are all Italians so small ?? cause their farthers said to them : when you are grown-up u have to work!! police officer : hey you you can only fish here with permission!!! angler : ahh thx for the tip! So far I always tried it with worms. lht: I support environmental protection! for example i never throw old train-tickets away i use them several times. __________________ married with Steffi <3 =D

09-28-2004, 04:09 PM	#148 (permalink)
Wicked Pixxie Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: WV Age: 26 Posts: 317 Points: 251.35 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 251.35 Donate	Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane. They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up from their desk. In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water. One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane. Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..." Jane: "Well, Jack off. I've got a headache." this one is a lil more dirty so don't read it if you don't like dirty jokes. Why it sucks being a dick! 10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master strangles you all the time. 8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body. 7. You shrink in cold water. 6. You never get a haircut. 5. You always hang around with 2 nuts. 4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole. 3. Your best friend is a pussy. 2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish. And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick: 1. Every time you get excited, you throw up. Last edited by Wicked Pixxie : 09-28-2004 at 04:22 PM.

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09-28-2004, 11:46 AM	#143 (permalink)
Berenice Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Hamburg, Germany Age: 26 Posts: 121 Points: 5.65 Bank: 123.88 Total Points: 129.53 Donate	There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. M: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Mary's!

09-28-2004, 03:57 PM	#145 (permalink)
Sparky Sparkling in the Dark. Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Krypton. Age: 18 Posts: 1,158 Points: 2,259.43 Bank: 18,257.68 Total Points: 20,517.11 Donate	these are all mama jokes: your mama's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips. your mama's so old, when i told her to act her own age, she died. your mama's so fat, you have to take a train, and two buses just to get on her good side. your mama's so old, when she was in school, they didn't have history. your mama's so fat, her bloodtype is spaghetti sauce.

09-28-2004, 04:08 PM	#147 (permalink)
Berenice Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Hamburg, Germany Age: 26 Posts: 121 Points: 5.65 Bank: 123.88 Total Points: 129.53 Donate	Mhm I don't like those Mama jokes. They are kind of respectless. Just my opinion...

10-05-2004, 08:09 PM	#149 (permalink)
Scody learn to live Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: In the eye of the beholder. Age: 18 Posts: 313 Points: 148.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 148.00 Donate	So there's a girl (with no arms and no legs) on a beach, and she starts bawling her eyes out. A man who was also on that beach comes up to her and asks her what was wrong, she replies: I'm 16, I have no arms no legs and I've never been kissed. So he figures if he kisses her she'll shut up. So he does. And then he walks off. A couple minutes later he hears her bawling again. So he walks over to her and asks her what's wrong now? And she replies: I'm 16 I have no arms, no legs and I've never been screwed. So he picks her up, walks into the ocean, drops her and says: THERE! NOW YOU'RE SCREWED! lmao, this one always makes me laugh.

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