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When people say fairy tales end with happily ever after they have no idea what they are talking about, I had a fairy tale and it ended with a tear

That's a sweet joke! Thanks for posting it!

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Made by "Sirens Melody"

A mother and father were talking in their room, when their daughter walks in and asks:"Mommy, Daddy, why did you name me Rose?"
They replied:" We named you Rose because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head, so we thought it would be sweet to call you Rose." Satisfied, she left the room, and the parents resumed talking.
A while later, their other daughter came in, and asked:"Mommy, Daddy, why did you name me Lilly?"
They replied:"We named you Lilly because when you were born, a Lilly petal fell on your head, so we thought it would be cute to call you Lilly."
With that, she left the room, and the parents continued their conversation.
A while later, their son walks in ands says:"Muwahenahahah."
The parents reply:"Get back in your cage, Cinder Block!"

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan - Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - Remeber, objects in the mirror are actually behind you.
3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - Use repeatedly for severe damage.
4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - After opening, keep upright.
5. On a New Zealand insect spray - This product not tested on animals.
6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - To avoid Condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening. (Sensible, but the instruction was inside the box.)
7. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - Open other end.
8. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?
9. On a Sears hairdryer - Do not use while sleeping.
10. On a bag of Fritos - You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
11. On a bar of Dial soap - Directions - Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)
12. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
13. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
14. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: Keep out of children. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
15. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space?)
16. On a Japanese food processor - Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
17. On Sainsbury's peanuts - Warning - Contains nuts. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
18. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - Instructions - Open packet, eat nuts. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
19. On a Swedish chainsaw - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
20. On a child's superman costume - Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy...)
21. On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
22. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
23. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
24. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
25. On Nightly sleep aid: Warning: May cause Drowsiness. (Duh!)

::headdesk::

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You're perfectly flawed
You're perfectly incomplete

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each
day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of
Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In otherwords, we are consuming 1
kilo of poop per year.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer
or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of
boiling or filtering and/or fermenting.

WATER = poop

WINE = HEALTH

Ergo: It's better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be
full of shit.

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We have recently receive a chemistry warning report about a super destruction chemical from a 19 years old student. He said in the report that this super destruction chemical is called Di-hydrogen Mono-oxyde and can be found widely on the Earth, which threatens the humanity. According to the report, the chemical poses the following threats:
-Can easily kill people if they penetrated their body through eyes and noses in liquid form.
-It's the main ingredent in acidic rain.
-Most poisons we've ever known are invisible when melt within this chemical in liquid form.
-You will see it makes people sad because it usually comes out of their eyes when they're hurt (both physically and mentally).
-It is also a source of the nervousness, it comes out from people's head whenever they feel nervous.
-They found it a lot at wherever there are physical bleeding wounds, which undoubtly explained that this chemical coursed the wounds.
The report ends with an recomendation to wipe this chemical out of the face of the Earth. For years, scientists have melted their brains to find a way to solve this matter. But on one beautiful day, a amateur realize that the chemical mentioned in the above report is just... water.

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Now noone can make another complaint about my signature, HAHAHAHA!!!!! And i see that you've discovered this part of my signature, which has wasted your time reading it.

LOL, good one. *runs off to drink lots of booze*

...That has got to be the unfunniest joke I have ever read. It's just hilariously unfunny.

Renee91, I got that in an e-mail once. It never fails to crack me up. Thanks for posting it.

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A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?



Ground Beef!

This joke is hilarious when you are drunk.

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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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You're perfectly flawed
You're perfectly incomplete