I have a blond joke, kinda dirty.. wtv, still made be giggle

A brunette and a blond are standing in an elevator, a man walks in, and he has alot of dandruff, he gets off at the next floor, and the brunette turns to the blond and says "That guy really needs some Head & Shoulders!" the blond looks confused and asks the brunette "How do you give shoulders?"

whats the definition of suspicion?
a nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field

whats the definition of a drawing pin?
a smartie with an erection

hehehe

Someone told me this but I don't think its funny.

ITs a ....[highlight] [Tampon]

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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He’s going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, “OK jerk, I’ve heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person’s physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person…because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large…all in the name of humor.”

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, but the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this mister, I’m talking to that little bastard on your knee!”

rofl! some really good ones in here..
now my turn.. stick with me.. probably gonna be difficult in writing..
A bear and a squirrel are both about to take a piss on the same tree. Suddenly the tree comes to life and says to the bear and squirrel:"If you don't pee on me ill grant you both three wishes." So the bear and squirrel agree and begin contemplating their wishes. The bear speaks first:"I wish all the bears in the woods were female," and all the bears became female. Then the squirrel makes his first wish: "I wish i had a helmet," and the squirrel had a helmet. The bear makes his second wish: "I wish all the bears in the country were female," and all the bears in the country became female. The squirrel makes his second wish: "I wish i had a motorcycle," and the squirrel had a motorcycle. Finally, the bear made his third wish: "I wish all the bears in the world were female,: and all the bears in the world became female. Then, the squirrel, while pointing at the bear, made his third wish: "I wish he was gay," and speeds off on his new motorcycle"

And another one!!
This boy was born with no torso, arms, or legs. He was only a head. So, he lived out his life as best he could. On his 21 birthday, the boy's father took him to the bar for his first drink. Upon chugging down the first mug of beer, the boy suddenly grows a fully formed torso. Both father and son are amazed, and the father urges the boy to take another drink. Upon chugging down the second mug, the boy spontaneously grew two perfectly good arms. Then, wiht great anticipation, the boy chugs down a third mug of beer, and voila, the boy grows two perfectly formed legs. Now, needless to say, the boy is quite drunk at this point, so he stands up in a very drunken manner. The boy then proceeds to stagger out of the bar, and into the street, where he is then hit and killed by a large truck. The bartender then piped up and said: "He should have quit while he was ahead." (kinda wrong, i know, but come on, FUNNY)

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A pregnant young woman arrives at the maternity ward, obviously about to give birth. She is suffering pains and therefore a nurse comes to see her rather rapidly, and though the young mother-to-be is in discomfort she is still quite calm. The nurse approaches her and simply asks "Hello, I will be your nurse" Then the standard procedures follow, however the nurse must ask yet another question to the mother "Would you like the father to be present at the birth?" The mother to be simply blushes, looking down embarrassed and says "My...baby doesn't have a daddy." The nurse of course makes no judgement and offers a smile "We understand your position completely, and please do not be ashamed"

Soon after the mother to be is taken to her room, where she gives birth. After the birth the nurse comes to the now mother, bringing her baby along. The woman of course looks quite exhausted and is simply resting as the nurse announces to her "Congratualtions! You've had a beautiful baby boy!" The mother simply nods but is rather out of it still. The baby is wrapped in blankents and of course the nurse gently brushes it away, and looks at the baby, then to the mother " Er...but wait...your baby is black.." To this the mother responds " Er...yeah I was in that porno with that black man..." The nurse once more looks to the baby and says "But wait...your baby has blonde hair..." The mother becomes embarrassed now of course, and mumbles " Er...yeah...I was in that other porno movie with that Swedish guy..." And again the nurse must say "But wait...your baby has slit eyes..." By now the mother is less than comfortable, yet responds " Um...yeah I was in that other porno movie with that China man.." There is an awkward silence between the two and finally the mother speaks again. " May I please see my baby?" Of course the nurse takes the baby to the mother, who unwraps the baby from his blankets, lifts it by its feet and hangs him upside down and her hand comes across his butt HARD. The baby of course begins to scream and to cry and wail and the nurse quite shocked asks "What did you do that for?!"

To this the mother responds, with a sigh of relief "WHEW! I thought the bastard was gonna BARK at me"



Please tell me someone gets it...

omfg, I GET IT!!! i got another one similar..

A brunnette, a redhead, and a blonde are in an elevator
all 3 are pregnant.
suddenly, the brunnette exclaims, im going ot have a boy because i was on top!
the redhead replies, im going to have a girl because i was on the bottom!
then, after hearing the 2 women, the blonde gasps and admits with shock, " oh my god! im going to have puppies!

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[quote=Raynz]omfg, I GET IT!!! i got another one similar..
QUOTE]

Woo hoo! We have a winner, someone got it!

Woo hoo! We have a winner, someone got it!

hehe... now for some blonde jokes... my intentions are not to piss off anyone.. but sorry if i do

what's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
--the mosquito stops sucking after you slap it

what's dumber than a brunette trying to build a hous underwater?
--a blonde trying to burn it down

why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
--to see what was on the other side

what do you call pigtails on a blonde?
--handlebars

a blonde a brunette and a redhead all jump off the same building at the same time. who hit the ground last and why?
--the blonde because she had to stop and ask for directions

well, that's all the blonde jokes i can think of right now...
and, to quote the great Austin Powers...
"Sake it to me baby!"

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