A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to drop off a lovely little sweater. So she goes on and on telling the clerk what to do and how to do it, but the clerk is distracted because he is listening to headphones. Finally when he realizes he is being spoken to, he turns to the blonde and says "Come again?" To this the blonde turns bright red and giggles, obviously embarrassed "Oh no...it's just mustard this time..."

ok... ready for a super corny one? well here goes..
A woman has just bought her first house. Being that she has a few screws loose in the head, she decides to name her house. So the woman decides to name her name the first thing she sees when she looks behind her. so she looks behind her and sees a hairy butt: the woman then names her house hairy butt. a few years later, the woman has a child and, unable ot come up wiht a name for her child, decides shell name it whatever she sees first when she looks down. so the woman looks down and sees a crack: her child's name is now crack. a little while after that, the woman comes home and is unable to find he baby. after looking frantically all over the house the woman goes to the police. in complete dismay, the woman blurts to the officer, "officer! officer! ive looked all over my Hairy Butt and i cant find my Crack!"
..... .... ... .. .

cmon.. you know you laughed inside!!

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Laughed in the inside and cried on the outside...
Okay fine, I smiled and chuckled there, there, I admit it. Curse you...

There once was an Indian who's given name was "Onestone", so named
because he has only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone
to not call him "Onestone!" After years and years of torment, Onestone
finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill
them!" The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then
one day a young girl named Bluebird forgot and said, "Good morning
Onestone..." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the
forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love
to her all the next day until Bluebird died from exhaustion. The word
got around that Onestone meant serious business. Years went by and
no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellowbird
returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellowbird
who was bluebird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone..." Onestone
grabbed her, took her deep into the forrest, then he made love to her
all that day and that night, made love to her all the next day and night,
but...Yellowbird wouldn't die!!!! What is the moral of the story?

You can't kill two birds with Onestone!



Gotta love Craig and Company

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In respect of Bill Hicks, Goatboy has come to EvBoard (don't even bother trying to understand this if ya don't know what I'm talking 'bout ).

Goat boy called it like he saw it Mikey.

You made your 14 mill, now hit the fucking road. Goat boy has invited some people over to see the video premiere of the Goat-Boy Edited Version.

Ha ha ha.

I am Goat boy.

"What do you want, Goat Boy? You big old smelly, shaggy thing?"

Ho ho ho.

Goat Boy is here to please you.

"How?"

Ha ha ha.

Tie me to your headboard, throw your legs over my shoulders and let me wear you like a feed-bag Pnaar wwww.

"Aaargh!"

Hold onto my horns.

"Goat-Booooy!"

Yes my love.

"You're a big old smelly thing."

Ha ha ha.

...I need professional help at this point

I think I need a priest at this point.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned."

"What have you done my son?"

"Well, I said the word 'fuck' gratuitously."

"Yes and what else, my son?"

"Er... [giggles]

I lied."

"Yes and what else my son?"

"That's about all, oh oh one thing I keep thinking I'm a randy goat, fucking everyone. Ha ha ha. baaaaaa"

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I once ate a daffodil....

So, these four college students decide to go on a road trip for a week. They were having such a good time, that they stayed a few extra days.

Unfortunately, their midterms were the day after they were supposed to get back...

So, when they returned, they told their teacher that they had gotten a flat tire on the ride back, and that they would like to take the test...

So, the teacher put all four students in seperate rooms for the test.

Question 1 was so easy, the students thought they had it in the bag, and were chuckling under their breath...

As they turn the page, they see this:

"Question 2.

Worth 95%.

Which tire?"

I bet some professor actually did that LoL

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Man walks into the butcher's shop,
Man: Hey, where's your new assitant gone?
Butcher: I had to fire him, he kept sticking his dick in the bacon slicer.
Man: Ouch. And what have you done with the bacon slicer?
Butcher: I fired her too!


Man is walking done the road naked with a woman on his back. Policeman stops him,
Cop: You better have a good excuse for this...
Man: I'm off to a fancy dress party.
Cop: ...What are you going as?
Man: Tutle.
Cop: *pointing at the woman* And who's that then?
Man: That's Michelle!

(bad joke, you've got to say it to yourself... 'Michelle', 'Me-shell', it needs a north-england accent to be funny...)


One-liner jokes. (thanks go to Peter Kay for half of these)
- I think animal testing is a horrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

- Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, like working for a living.

- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

- When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that in his wisdom the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

- I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

- My dad always used to say 'fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got kicked out of the fire brigade.

- Sex is like bridge; if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

- I saw six men kicking and punching my mother-in-law. My neighbour said "Are you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough".

Microsoft Works





20

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XD!!!!! W00TNESS! OXYMORONS!

This married couple was on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market place looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, " I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, " How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!! In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "YOU GOT DEM ON DA WRONG FEET, MON!!!!