hahahah LMAO i can't even look for my own jokes, i am laughing so much

>A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a
>cave. Written across the wall of the cave were several symbols.
>
>It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at
>least three thousand years old!
>
>The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and
>archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.
>They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the
>meaning of the markings.
>
>The President of the society pointed at the first drawing and said:
>"This looks like a woman. We can judge that it was family oriented and
>held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as
>the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have
>animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of
>some sort, which means they even had tools to help them.
>
>Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means
>that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they
>would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star
>of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."
>
>The audience applauded enthusiastically, but a little old man stood up
>in the back of the room and said, "Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to
>left. It says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman

__________________

¿uwop ap!sdn s!y+ 6u!peaj noh aje hyM

My favorite joke is in my sig.

this one's kinda wrong but...yea...my uncle told me...: a man was stranded on a lonely island. he had no one else with him except his dog. he wanted to have sex SO bad! so he tried to o_o... the dog right? well, the dog kept moving and sitting down... so he gave up. so suddenly, one day, a beautiful woman comes up to him out of no where, and says 'hello, sir. you look exhausted. is there anything i can do for you?' so. you know whats next. the man says with wide eyes, 'yes! can you please...hold the dog?' o_O....ew... i know lol.

__________________
"I took my mom to see Les Mis and she said, 'Poor people never sing this much.'"
-Will & Grace

One day, God was feeling extra generous. So he decided that he would reward a human with one wish. So God finds himself a worthy enough human, and appears before him.

God:My son, because you have been such a good person, I have decided to grant you one wish. Choose wisely my son, for you will only get one.
So the man thinks about it for a little bit.

Man:Alright, I wish for there to be a highway connecting Los Angeles and Tokyo.

God:My son, that is impossible, please, choose another wish.
So the man thinks about another wish.

Man:Very well, then I wish I could understand women.

God blinks for a second, then says: Two lanes or four?




And another from Craig and Company....

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay
flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served
the passengers food and drinks.....

As the plane prepared to descend for it's landing approach, the
attendant came 'swishing' down the aisle and announced to the passengers,
"Captain Marvin has asked me to announce that he will be landing the 'big
scary plane' shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your
trays that would be super"........

On his trip back up the aisle, the gay attendant noticed that a
well-dressed, rather exotic looking woman had not moved a muscle and complied
with his request about the trays.......

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those 'big brute' engines, but I asked
you to raise your 'trazy-poo' so that the 'main man' can 'pitty-pat' us
on the ground!"........stated the flight attendant to the woman
passenger......

She calmly turned her head towards the flight attendant and said, "In
my country, I am called a Princess..... I take orders from no
one!".......

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well,
sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you....
Tray-up, bitch!!!".........

__________________

Now for the book of Ms. O'Connor's CORNY jokes! Here are two of them.

A married couple were driving through Florida, and they couldn't tell where they were. They couldn't tell whether it was "Kiss-ih-me", or maybe "Kiss-I-me"? So, they stopped, and went into a building nearby and talked to someone who was working there. So, the lady said, "Excuse me sir, we're lost, and we can't tell where we are. Can you tell us where we are REALLY slowly?" so the guy looked up at her and said, "BBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEERRR RRRRRRR KKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! "

And the second one:

So, Mary Poppins checked into this hotel at midnight, and she went up to the front desk and said, "Excuse me, do you serve lunch here?" and the guy there said, "No, but you can order off the room service menu", so she went up to her room and ordered Collyflower and cheese. Then, she went back down and asked the guy again, "Excuse me, when does breakfast start?" and the guy said, "6:00" and she said back, "But I have to checkout at 5:30" so the guy said, "You can order off the room service menu" and she did that the next morning and asked for eggs. Then, she went back to the front desk and checked out, and the guy asked how the food was, so she said, "Supercollyflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocio us."

WAAAHAAA!!! Those are funny! Corny but funny nonetheless.

this is bad.... lol

micheal jackson has been accused of having an affair with david beckham. when asked about these allegations micheal replied that he was in brooklyn at the time.

wonder how many people will actually get that joke?!?

__________________
Evanescence, Wednesday 6th September, The New Players Theatre, London = amazing

Ok, here's another one...it's a one of Ms. O'Connor's Corny Blonde Jokes. It's actually kinda funny.

A blonde was knitting in the car, a police officer following her on his motorcycle. The police officer says, "You're pushing the speed limit! Pull over!" but the blonde says, "I can't! It's a scarf."

lmao...thats funny!!!!