Post your jokes here

Here is one i stole earlier:

Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest. Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!" Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut through the forest anyway. The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!" Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood - I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!". "Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just like the story says!"

Man walks into a bar (yep another one of those)...
He orders a shot of Jager, then another, then another. It ended up being 7 in all. Finally, the bartender says "So, what is wrong man, that's what I'm here for, to hear problems." Man says "I come home from work today and find my wife of 8 years in bed with my best friend." Bartender says "So what did you say to him?" Man says "I said 'BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

(and a classic) An elderly couple decides that their sex life has been dead for too long and they need to do something very errotic, and exciting. The next morning, they decide to have naked breakfast. As they sit eating, the woman starts to get very excited. She says "This is really exciting, my nipples are getting SO hot!" Man "Huh?" Woman "I said my nipples are getting SO HOT!" Man "Well that's because one of them is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

An Eskimo is driving a piece-of-shit car that starts to stall. He just manages to pull it in to a repair shop before the car dies completely. The Eskimo gets the mechanic who opens the hood. The mechanic looks at the engine for a few seconds, then looks at the Eskimo. "Looks like you blew a seal," he says. The Eskimo puts his hand over his mouth for a second and replies, "Oh, no, no, I just had a milkshake!"

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¿uwop ap!sdn s!y+ 6u!peaj noh aje hyM

i am sorry i is probibly just me but i did not get that one.

okay guys this is really a sick joke and i promise you i did not make this one up my friend just told it me over msn she is so sick lol anyway:

What do Harold Shipman and Gareth Gates have in common?

Answer: They both cant finish a sentence

If you live outside the UK you might not actually get that but if you live in the UK you will hopefully!!!

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"The woman has balls"

"Looks like you blew a seal" as in...that's what's wrong with the engine. Get it now?

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¿uwop ap!sdn s!y+ 6u!peaj noh aje hyM

One day a piece of rope walked into a bar and sat down. He asked the bartender for a beer. The bartender says "No, I am sorry we don't serve ropes."
So the rope hopped down and left the bar.
The next day the rope went to the same bar and before he went inside he asked the local hobo if he would tie him into a knot.
The hobo obliged and the rope then started to rub himself on the ground.
The rope then walks into the bar and hops up onto the stool and asked the bartender for a beer.
The bartender says" Hey! Aren't you that same rope that came in here yesterday?"
In turn the rope replies, "Nope! A frayed knot"


Get it? Afraid Not as opposed to a frayed knot?

Yeah I know not that funny but it was a joke my Dad used to tell us when we were younger so too bad!

OK...

A nun got on a bus and said to the bus driver "Im going to die soon so will you grant me a single wish" so the bus driver said "Well Ok." The nun replied:

"Well i woulnd't like to die without having sex, but could you do it on three conditions. Firstly, i want to die a virgin so it will have to be anal, secondly I dont want it to be sinful so you'll have to promise that you are a single man with no wife or children. Thirdly could you wear a blindfold?"

The bus driver said he would let her die a virgin, promised that he was a single man with no wife or children and he also promised to wear a blindfold.

They went upstairs and after they had finished the bus druver said "Look im really really sorry, but I lied, Im married, I have a wife and children."

So the nun said "Oh god, im sorry i lied too - My names Kevin and im on my way to a fancy dress party."

That one made me laugh out loud!!! I got a death glare from over the glasses of the woman I work with!

Nor me...

(Sorry I have to post this bit because it sayd I haveto postatleast twenty characters...stupid rule)