Kelsie's art and poetry - EvBoard

Crystal Tears · 08-11-2005, 05:08 PM

Some sketches and doodles:

This is a drawing of the cover of Skillet's cd Collide.

My dog sleeping.

I also have a few poems; I'll probably post some more later.

Untitled

Lay down the secrets you've hidden
Surrender all you know
To a dance of pen and paper
The art of poetry

Short, I know. I might add more, probably a stanza or two preceding it.

Farther from Perfection

I hold my mistakes close
They burn into my chest
The place where self hate churns
And builds with every breath

Along the way I lost
My faith and purity
So ugly and ashamed
I know that they all see

Despite my best efforts
Every good intention
Every failure draws me
Farther from perfection

Let me know what you think (hopefully more than "it's good" or "you suck!"

) Constructive critisism is appreciated.

Beauty · 08-11-2005, 05:41 PM

I really liked (and related to) 'Farther From Perfection'. To make it even better, I would change the word 'farther' to 'further' in the last line. Also, changing 'best' to 'greatest' in the first line of the last stanza seems to help it flow better. Post some more soon!

GirlWithAMic · 08-11-2005, 08:54 PM

I really liked that short piece. I don't think you need to add anything to it, I think it's fine the way it is. I'd really liked to see some more of your poetry

Im_Broken · 08-11-2005, 11:01 PM

Everything is awesome. You did a great job with everything. I love the sketches and doodles. They are cool.

The poems are great too.

Ice Queen · 08-12-2005, 05:15 AM

Quote:

Despite my best efforts
Every good intention
Every failure draws me
Farther from perfection

Thats a wonderful ending to that poem - this is a great stanza - the way it uses a half-rhyme to end is great and it really all merges together to flow well off the tongue. Great work!

LurkerOfShadows · 08-12-2005, 12:36 PM

I really like your doodles... the crisscrossing technique of them is neat. I've never seen that before... there for you are unique. CONGRATULATIONS! ok. im done.. lol

I love ur poems to... and no matter how short that 1st one is... that 1st part is stated beautifully with a lot of power and imagery.

I do hope to see more of your stuff soon. I look forward to it. Happy Writings

Christy

Narya · 08-12-2005, 01:07 PM

Hi!

Good job with the proportions on your drawings! They look a little blurry, but I like them. Amy's is very cool, and so is your dog's.

Is he a pit bull?

The poems sound great as well! Keep it up!

SoundOfSilence · 08-12-2005, 01:52 PM

great job kelsie

i like your drawings, the amy lee one is very good. and the poems.. i like them! untitled is very nice

keep it up

Crystal Tears · 09-04-2005, 10:50 PM

Finally updating this. Here's a few poems:

Empty Page

Why has her hope gone
Shredded by the snares
Of a disbelief
Stagnant for so long

It's come to an end
She cries for awhile
And burns the pages
Then starts once again

I'm not sure about the rhythm and syllable count, but I figured I'd post it anyway.

Whisper

"I don't love you anymore"
Says my breaking voice
We both know I am lying
But I have no choice

Now I lay awake at night
You are all I see
I feel your shadow breathing
Softly over me

On your lips a whisper
"You have set me free"

raindrop829 · 09-05-2005, 11:08 AM

hey, i really like your poems, they have this simplicity to them that makes reading them very peaceful and enjoyable. You use words very well, and your poems have a very nice rhythym. i'll be checking by here more often!

08-11-2005, 05:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
Crystal Tears The Ugly Duckling Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: US Age: 19 Posts: 322 Points: 5,298.91 Bank: 1.33 Total Points: 5,300.24 Donate	Kelsie's art and poetry Some sketches and doodles: This is a drawing of the cover of Skillet's cd Collide. My dog sleeping. I also have a few poems; I'll probably post some more later. Untitled Lay down the secrets you've hidden Surrender all you know To a dance of pen and paper The art of poetry Short, I know. I might add more, probably a stanza or two preceding it. Farther from Perfection I hold my mistakes close They burn into my chest The place where self hate churns And builds with every breath Along the way I lost My faith and purity So ugly and ashamed I know that they all see Despite my best efforts Every good intention Every failure draws me Farther from perfection Let me know what you think (hopefully more than "it's good" or "you suck!" ) Constructive critisism is appreciated. __________________ No soup for you! Last edited by Crystal Tears : 08-12-2005 at 07:48 AM. Reason: typo

08-11-2005, 05:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
Beauty Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: California Posts: 389 Points: 11,943.79 Bank: 62.14 Total Points: 12,005.93 Donate	I really liked (and related to) 'Farther From Perfection'. To make it even better, I would change the word 'farther' to 'further' in the last line. Also, changing 'best' to 'greatest' in the first line of the last stanza seems to help it flow better. Post some more soon! __________________ Heaven, shine a light down on me.

08-11-2005, 11:01 PM	#4 (permalink)
Im_Broken Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 1,397 Points: 470.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 470.00 Donate	Everything is awesome. You did a great job with everything. I love the sketches and doodles. They are cool. The poems are great too. __________________ -Rach- ((Check out my stuff)) when it starts to rain break out the slip and slide

08-12-2005, 01:07 PM	#7 (permalink)
Narya Fledgling Post Monkey Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Right here! Where else should I be? Posts: 1,606 Points: 2,546.84 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,546.84 Donate	Hi! Good job with the proportions on your drawings! They look a little blurry, but I like them. Amy's is very cool, and so is your dog's. Is he a pit bull? The poems sound great as well! Keep it up! __________________ ~~~~~~~~~~Click to ENTER~~~~~~~~~~

08-12-2005, 01:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
SoundOfSilence Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Berlin, Germany Age: 17 Posts: 522 Points: 329.33 Bank: 0.42 Total Points: 329.75 Donate	great job kelsie i like your drawings, the amy lee one is very good. and the poems.. i like them! untitled is very nice keep it up __________________ Alessandro Del Piero is teh best guy ever.

08-11-2005, 08:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
GirlWithAMic Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Posts: 763 Points: 457.27 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 457.27 Donate	I really liked that short piece. I don't think you need to add anything to it, I think it's fine the way it is. I'd really liked to see some more of your poetry

08-12-2005, 12:36 PM	#6 (permalink)
LurkerOfShadows seulement le nécessaire Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Anywhere but Home Age: 19 Posts: 339 Points: 4,233.88 Bank: 210.46 Total Points: 4,444.34 Donate	I really like your doodles... the crisscrossing technique of them is neat. I've never seen that before... there for you are unique. CONGRATULATIONS! ok. im done.. lol I love ur poems to... and no matter how short that 1st one is... that 1st part is stated beautifully with a lot of power and imagery. I do hope to see more of your stuff soon. I look forward to it. Happy Writings Christy

09-04-2005, 10:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
Crystal Tears The Ugly Duckling Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: US Age: 19 Posts: 322 Points: 5,298.91 Bank: 1.33 Total Points: 5,300.24 Donate	Finally updating this. Here's a few poems: Empty Page Why has her hope gone Shredded by the snares Of a disbelief Stagnant for so long It's come to an end She cries for awhile And burns the pages Then starts once again I'm not sure about the rhythm and syllable count, but I figured I'd post it anyway. Whisper "I don't love you anymore" Says my breaking voice We both know I am lying But I have no choice Now I lay awake at night You are all I see I feel your shadow breathing Softly over me On your lips a whisper "You have set me free" __________________ No soup for you!

09-05-2005, 11:08 AM	#10 (permalink)
raindrop829 Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: On the Boulavard of Broken Dreams Age: 18 Posts: 223 Points: 194.25 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 194.25 Donate	hey, i really like your poems, they have this simplicity to them that makes reading them very peaceful and enjoyable. You use words very well, and your poems have a very nice rhythym. i'll be checking by here more often!

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