LokiRamza

Hello all

Ive never posted on evboards before and honostly never had the desire. nothing against anyone here its just ive never been fond of posting on messege boards unless i need advice. The reason i have come here is that the person i am about to speak about is a member here and i would like to ask her peers whom she seems to relate to about what i should do next or if i should do anything at all.

The story starts around 2 years ago when a good friend of mine came back from The military on ehh. Self leave (awal). Now Jon had a girlfriend whom ive met once but never really talked to until he came back. Me and Jon have been friends for 16 years at the time. no small ammount of time. So i started to get to know her as we saw each other litterly every day to do whatever. (play games, go somewere ect. ect.) She was cool but our relationship never got farther then hey its Jon's girlfriend. During this illegal leave she got pregnant with his baby. Shortly afterwards Jon was caught and shipped back to his navel base across the country for punishment. During the time he was away i was asked to take care of Theresa and make sure she was comfortable and such as i was going to be the god father. I happily accepted.

Now for the next 6 months i went to every single doctors appointment with her. watched the baby grow from what looked like a jelly bean to a little person. During this time we became best friends. But i started to feel a twang of something more. Now this being jons girlfriend i just ignored theese new emotions. But they kept growing untill i realized i was in love. not puppy love but i was really in love. Once again i decided not to act as this was the mother of jons child.

Well Jon was released from the Brig and asked Theresa to come live with him all the way across the country. Now hating living were she was she happily accepted. I was asked to move as well as she needed to be delivered up their number one and two Jons ship left in two weeks so i was asked to move up their as well to take care of her. I happily accepted once again. During the flight and waits in teh airport i had absolutely no sleep so i was always ready if she needed something. Being very pregnant at this point. I was taking to my Bodyguard/caretaker duties with gusto and absolute Contentment at the fact that i finally had a purpose.


Now for you to understand that i have to get of track a bit. a few months before i met Theresa my Grandfather died. Now this wasnt just the simple loss of a family member. This was my best friend pop-pop caretaker father figure role model and hero all gone in one night. Being years later it still pains me that i cant do all the things we used to. To the point of tears as im writing this. I have to say the reason it hurts me so is the night before prom my mother was going to go visit him in the hospital and asked if i wanted to go. I said no ill stay home and take a nap since i had been running errands since 6 a.m. getting ready for prom the next night. Now during my nap i had a dream in wich my Pop-Pop was wearing his favorite stained up mint green sweatshirt and said "Goodbye hotrod". Hotrod being his pet name for me since i was a baby. I woke up and found out i had slept for 6 hours and my mother wasnt home yet. It dawned on me something was wrong and when she returned i found out he was gone. Now the reason i hate myself for this night is the fact that i took a nap instead of seeing the most influential person in my life in time to say goodbye. When he died i lost all purpose and meaning to my life.

When i was asked to take care of Theresa a purpose was givin to me again and it filled a gap in my heart that has been their for a long time. Well we got their without any outstanding incodent. Well after arriving at his apartment i decided i would go out for a walk and get accustomed to the area. Just in case i needed to run out and get anything for the mother to be and that i was a little uncomfortable not knowing were i was.

Well upon my return his roomates had shown up. Now never having met me or even knowing my name. They hated me. Being in washinton for an hour they called me a bum for not having a job already and they proceeded to make my life hell for the next two weeks. now their was a third roomate by the nickname of Hobbes. We hit it off and became friends really fast.
Tho he tended to play both sides so he wouldnt have to deal with anyone aggrivating him.

For theese two weeks it was hell for other reasons as well. by now i was tottally full blow in love with Theresa. Seeing them together hurt me in ways i couldnt let show or they would know. And when they had intercourse she isnt exactly queit so i would hear it in the living room. Once again this was extremely painfull to me. But i Bore it for the fact that she needed me.

Well after the two weeks were up Jon had to go so it was me and Theresa vs the World. Well while cleaning the room Theresa found panties that werent hers and condoms that were used but not by here (being pregnant their wasnt much of a point). SHe was heartbroken. So was i. it pained me to see her that upset. Well while sleeping one night i started to talk in my sleep(all that follows in this paragraph is what she told me. i was asleep so i dunno) As i do sometimes. Now a neat thing about me is i will talk to you in complete honosty while im asleep.This actually worked out for my benifit because my feelings were out without me having to work up the nerve to tell her.

Then one of the most magical moments in my life happened. We made love. Well at least i did at the time she was upset and a bit weird(pregnancy hormones) so it could have been the hormones. But for me it was a spiritual experience. For those of you who havent been in love their is nothing more comforting the their embrace and the smell of their hair.

Now Washington has a huge unemployment rate and let me tell you. looking for a job was a pain in the ass. Jon left us some money but not enough to really tide us over for long. We got some pizza as we couldnt use the stove or the roomates would once again set into me. THey wouldnt just be mean i mean screaming and calling me worthless and such. Not being on the lease and having no were to go pretty much kept me from retaliating. I was litterly a prisoner in the room. I could only come out in order to do the dishes they dirtied. Now money ran out and their was very little food. I gave it all to Theresa. I stopped eating so that way she could be happy and healthy. this went on for about a week or two before they locked us out one day and kept our stuff.

Well as luck would have it a Trucker asked me if i would help unload some boxes for 50 bucks. Needing the money despretly and having a mircale happen on the day we got thrown out i accepted without a second thought. Worked for 3 hours and made 50 bucks. Not bad. First thing i did was grab theresa and run to the closest gas station and bought to hamburgers. Giving her one i devoured(no other word can come close to what i did to this poor innocent cheeseburger) the other one litterly starving at this point. Having Exactly 40 dollars left we now needed a place to stay. Sick with fever do to the lack of proper care to myself we wandered over to a church. They knew a hotel that had a vacancy. Exactly 40 dollars.

Well one of the members of the church gave us a ride and we got the room. Seemed luck was finally smiling at me after all theese years. We got ahold of my grandmother and her mother who sent us money and started trying to get us home. It was hard seeing as neither had any comfortable ammount of money. Well i had several thousand dollars worth of electronics that the (shall now be refered to as) assholes stole. Well they decided they would sell it back to us seeing as the police would not help us. We werent from the town and evedently if someone steals from you and your living with them they cant do anything about it.


We finnaly got our stuff back for around 500 dollars. Now granted they decided they would keep or trade what they really wanted. so we still got screwed out of alot of CD's and electronics. Now after spending a week or two on the streets we grew very close indeed. I felt the emptiness in my heart finaly being filled.

Well the trip back was a downer. Plane delays and such left us near broke and strande in las vegas for the night. well we spent all but 1.50 on a bite to eat and she settled down to sleep. I stayed up of course to watch the stuff and her cuz hell..... we were in vegas no way i was going to bed without knowing we wouldnt get robbed and sodomized. Well we get on the plane and i spent the last 1.50 to buy her a snack box to eat on the eight hour flight. By this point i was very used to not eating and it didnt bother me much.

Well the day of the birth came and i was the man in the room holding her hand and freaking out as i saw a new person rocket out of her. Was the most horrid thing ive ever seen as well as the most wonderfull. I still smile when i think of that little baby reaching up and grabbing my albiet pizza stained finger for the first time.

Well time passes and jon comes to maryland for a visit. Well she never Actually broke up with him and he has no idea about any of this despite my asking her to tell him and end it. Whats worse is she still loves him. downward spiral once again. She decides to go visit him despite my begging her not to. Her words tore me apart and still cause me emotional discomfort to this day. "i dont care that it hurts you i dont care that it bothers you. Everything your going through is worth it if i get to see him one more time.". Well she goes to were he is staying and decides to spend the week their despite my protests. And yes. she slept with him during this time. My heart broke.

After it was all over i was still madly in love with her and i understood how awkward the situation was with everything but i knew she was a good person and i gave her a second chance.

Time passes and We decide to move in together. Well because of were i was living i was unemployed. Rent was based upon income and when i was working my rent went up by 600 dollars a month. Couldnt afford it so i had to quit and live of another(no i wasnt pleased by it but it happens), Well we move in. It was agreed beforehand that until i get a job i will clean house and cook(im a certified chef) but she would do the dishes. well in the 4 or 5 months we lived together she did 4 loads of dishes while i cooked and cleaned some up every night. I looked for a job and found an ideal one. Network supervisor. Now not only was the pay excellent but i could work from the home wich ment i could watch the baby. Proud as hell i told her and much to my dismay she was furios with me and told me it was not a respectable job and that she would be ashamed to tell anyone and she couldnt be with a man who didnt have a real job. I passed it bye. While later i found a job for food lion unloading trucks.. Full benifits 10 dollars an hour and store discounts. Awesome job. Well i have a messed up shoulder and im not supposed to lift over 30 pounds. But i was willing to work it regardless becuase i wanted her to be proud of me.

Well she put a stop to it because she was worried i would hurt my shoulder wich i definitly would. But i wanted to work it because we needed money badly. Well we lost the apartment do to insuficient funds and she blames it all on me. Not only were the jobs i was supposed to get thrashed by Her but she yelled at me daily for being unemployed. We grew more distant.

Well to speed time up through pretty much uneventfull times She started hanging out with an old male friend named Dustin. While i disaproved i trusted her. Now to talk about dustin He got in trouble for robbing a gas station,Killied his brother (long story short he choked him to death left and for some reason his heart started beating again after he left). Not to mention he is a suspected pedophile.

A month ago after 1 year and 5 months of dating and over 2 years of devoted friendship she tottaly dropped me for Dustin. Now she broke up with me for being a loser but this guy LITTERLY shoves shit at a zoo for a living. Sorry if i fail to see the step up. Now i am forbidding Alexis (the baby now 1 year 5 months old) from being anywere near him. SHe broke my heart betrayed my trust and lied to me. But i still find myself so in love with her i just feel empty inside.

What i am asking after you know what has gone on. Am i the loser she thinks i am and she deserves better or Am i right in thinking that i was wrongfully treated and deserved a more than what i got. i am tottally at a loss and im willing to take any advice i can for what i should do.

She is the love of my life and i had saved up hundreds of dollars to buy a ring to propose to her She Dumped me around 3 months before i was ready. i just need to know. should i keep persuing her or should i stop. either for the reason that she deserves better than me or that i deserve better than the way i was treated.

Any advice will be accepted with as much appreciation as i can muster



Loki

Aleksandra

Hey Loki,

sounds like you are in a bad situation. If she's the love of your life,then try once more. Try and get her back.
BUT..
she doesn't sound like the nicest person in the world. Saying all that stuff about how she doesn't care if it 'bothers you' and stuff like that.... is she really worth it?
I know it feels liek she's the only person left in the world that you will ever love...but trust me, there are girls out there who will treat you better.

Hope this helps you decide,let us know how things go.

ali x x x

Ghetto Fabalus

I would get the hell out of there and move on, preferrably somewhere far, far away. From what you've said, this woman you're so madly in love with sounds like a vile human being. I don't understand what you saw in her to begin with. She used and abused you, manipulating you to satisfy her own selfish desires. It seems to me that she didn't want you to have a job so that she could better control you. I can't think of any rational person who would actually scold you for attempting to earn a living, regardless of whether it's a high-paid job that somehow lacks honor or one of physical labor.

What really jumped out at me was you turning down the first job because it didn't appeal to her, then being willing to work a job that could have been very detrimental to your health just to win her praise. My non-degree in psychology tells me that she wanted to clamp down on any potential for independence that you had so she could remain the mentally and emotionally draining parasite she is. If you had a job and had the misfortune of coming to your senses, you might just up and leave--and she wouldn't want that. She needs her "host."

I'm interested to know what redeeming qualities you possibly see in this woman. You've invested so much and sacrificed for her; what has she done for you? Cut out the rot she's deposited in you emotionally, as well as your losses. It's no coincidence that she's wound up with someone so strikingly similar in nature.

Too bad about the baby. Unless you have some form of parental rights, which I'm assuming you don't, I don't think there's much you can do as far as protecting it from the bad influences that surround it. I believe trying to shield it from her newest upstanding boyfriend is only part of the battle--even if you're successful in that, there's still years to come of a generation repeating itself and the baby putting the hurt on others when it gets older.

In summation: assume there's a special place in hell for her; that karma's fast catching up with her; and that hopefully the stars will align and the baby will somehow emerge unfucked-up.

LokiRamza

As to her redeeming qualities she didnt use to be like that. When i first met her she was the most wonderfull and sweet person in the world. The kind that would cry if i stubbed my toe. But as time went on she started hanging out with dustin and became extremely cold and uncaring towards me.

And as for the baby i do have a form of parental rights. Before the baby was born i was legally givin parental rights in addition to the biological father and the mother. It sounds weird but since they were a world apart i was givin all his powers so i could act in the babies best intrest. I put my foot down and said that if the baby was near him again i would take action. And Alexis(baby) father is on my side as well.

And thank you for your advice. i just need any kind of support i can get.

Dragon_Awakened

It took a couple of read throughs to decide what I should say here. You say "Theresa" is a member here and know full well she will stumble across this posting.
She's been fed to the wolves at this point so I won't make any remarks about her. I will give you a bit of advice or encouragement as you requested.
As tough as it may be you need to cut your losses and move on. You have gone above and beyond from a "bodyguard" to a "lover" over the past couple of years. Take this from a scarred up old bodyguard in whatever manner you wish to. You have heart and tenacity that can only be commended. That said you have busted your ass only to be crapped on time and time again.
There is no greater revenge than success when dealing with those who demean your efforts. This is where you begin to rebuild your life and find new friends, perhaps even a new love in your life.
Picture yourself as a rock star going from "that geeky teen in a garage band" that ended up in his locker one too many times. Years pass and that "geeky teen" is now a major recording artist on stage adored by all. During one of your shows you recognize a few of your former tormentors looking so pitiful that being a rat in the sewer is ten steps above where these miscreants now stand. There is your revenge, no need to call them out just looking at them and seeing that after all this time the best they could do was "drive-thru manager" as the local burger shack.
Cut your losses, learn from your experiences, and above all from this point on be successful. I wish you the best in your next endeavors.

About the child: The sad fact is that despite the fact that you were there from nearly the time the child was concieved to her birth and year and a half's growth. You are not her father and have no parental rights so whatever the mother decides to do is out of your hands especially now that the cat's out of the bag.

I'm exhausted and in need of sleep now so I may come back and add to this if I can think of anything better to say or add. Just check here I won't add another entry into this thread.

Peace and Prosperity.

Back 2 Atttack

My advice to you would be to move on, stop trying to get her back. To me it seems like she doesn't care about what you think or feel if she told you she didn't care if it bothered you and so on. And in any relationship you both have to respect eachother's thoughts/feelings and she clearly didn't respect yours . So if she can't respect what you think or feel there is no bother trying to get her back at all cause the same thing will most likely happen again.
Also it seems that she doesn't love you the same way as you love her if she's been sleeping around.

You deserve MUCH better than her.

If you keep tryin to get her back you're gonna end up gettin used and getting dumped again for some other guy. You gotta move on and get your life back on track and find someone who's gonna treat you a hell of a lot better than she did.

Hope I helped in someway,

Good luck

Matt

Shivercide

I have something to say... though you have not given this member's username, you have provided us all enough information that easily gives away who she is. I don't believe that was your intention, but she is obviously going to see this and I didn't think it exactly fair to her that she should have people talk a bunch of crap about her in a community she is part of and spends a lot of time in.

Aside from that, everyone else already gave the best advice. The relationship sounds pretty much over; I don't mean to sound cold, but love hurts sometimes. Move on.

Carmen

Just thought I would step in here and give my thoughts. Just so you know, I have no idea who you may be talking about and anything I'm about to say is not to offend either of you. I noticed everyones making her the 'bad one'. You seem a great guy, shes comes across as a great girl (at the beginning of your post anyway) Maybe she just isn't the same anymore because of all these big leaps she's had to take in life. I mean, it seems like you've had a real tough time and she strolled some of that tough time with you. Some people can mistake love due to having so much care for someone. Maybe because you were there for her all that time she had that rough patch that she felt she loved you, when actually, you were just that caring shoulder to cry on. She may have even just distanced from you because she needs that change in life. I personally haven't felt like it, but I've noticed that when 2 people spend so much time together, they get so used to the routine that it just isn't what they want anymore. Sorry if I'm awful with advice here what with all these maybe's but I don't really know how else I can help you. It seems to me that your going to have to let go. It will be tough, but if she wants you she will come to you.

Hope things work out. Don't beat yourself up so much.

LokiRamza

Carmen i think you hit it dead on. I thought about what you said and it seems to fit what happened the best so far. Thanks guys for all your help

And as for feeding her to the wolves that was in no way shape or form my intention. i tried to keep her personal information to a minimum.

Sorry im not Saying much but i just got back from paintballing and im tired and sore. Ill try and get something better to say after a bit of rest

Jane

Loki,

Upfront, I'm going to say that I've only read your post... so forgive me if I seem... behind. I think you're trying to ask for who the bad guy was in this situation. I don't think there was necessarily a bad guy, I think that you were all just in a bad situation and a bad time. Don't pursue her. You shouldn't have slept with her the first time, considering the circumstances, and you should have stopped pursuing her when she left you for Jon that time. I think you were just in a bad spot in your life, and you sort of latched on to whatever was closest and available to you.

It was just a situation where both of you needed something, anything... and it would be better than what you were feeling at the time. It seems like neither of you had much of anything, and you offered each other something, which was sufficient at the time. But that kind of attachment only lasts for so long. Perhaps the two of you would have been better friends under different circumstances; however, I believe that what you're feeling for her is something that developed under false pretenses.

You both deserve better. Move on, move slowly, and give yourself proper grieving time to accept your grandfather's death. I don't think you've been able to go through those stages properly yet, and you need to give yourself that time. It's important to do that.

End.