Tanky very much . Haven't written anything new yet and i haven't gotten the chance to type up any of my other stuff. Until i do anymore critique anyone? its much appreciated

Here's new stuff. Wrote it yesterday when i couldn't sleep.

OUR WRITHING SOULS

Did you miss me?
I came so far just to watch you sleep
I'll sit here all night
And listen to you breathe
To make sure my memory
Is the reason you can't sleep
Is she as good as me?
I know she can't make you beg
I've seen it in your eyes
When I'm hovering over you both
I'm still the reason they're rolling back
ANd when your grabbing for the headboard
I know it's me your screaming for
She scratches her nails down your back
It just doesn't feel the same
Yes, the bruises she gave
Can never quite leave a mark like mine
Then it's over and she's gone
And you roll over ... and just cry
Wondering why no one comes within reach of me
You've tried so hard to f*** the pain away
I watch you while you blow the last candle out
And come back to bed with me
I'm long gone but I felt your chest hitch
Stroke my hair... hold my hands
Like I'm really in your arms
I feel your chest raise against my ear
Can you feel my fingertips run down your stomach?
My aura still haunts this room
The walls that saw
How wild our writhing souls could be
I'm with you while you sleep
Where I always felt breathless
Yes, I'm here to make damn sure
Our memories are still the reason you can't sleep

critique?

Good stuff Laura. I'm really digging the vocab usage. Keep it up.

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Tanky! i'll be posting much much new stuff as soon as my friend brings me back my song book! Much of my stuff has been in the works cuz i've been having trouble figuring out how to finish them all off . But about 4 four of those are finished now and i'll post like crazy ASAP . Guess you guys'll just have to be in suspense for a while. ANd btw when i say critique is much appreciated i know there are more writers on this board than have been commenting so PLeasE critique! Constructive criticism is MUCH appreciated .

OTAYYY! here's new stuff peeps post away pweeze.

YOU'VE DUG YOUR GRAVE
(now lie in it)

So you dig the grave ever deeper
You'll regret the moment your fingers ever moved for me
How in Hell's name can you live with the audasity you breed
YOu swore from here to the ends of the earth you'd never waver
Days tread on thin ice w/ out an utterance from your tongue
Too busy down the gorge of another
Enjoy your prance through that field
For it will be all that's left when your tattered seams return
L be your scarlet letter
Same as the initial of the soul you decry
Keep digging...while I'm pouring this violet abhorrence at your feet
You've been handed one chance too many
You'll never see the of day
Nor hear my voice again in the wee hours of the morning...

TO THE SOUTH

I need time i need alone
I need darkness now love
Where have you gone?
I know
You left
For fornicating decay
You were wrong for me
So wrong...so good... so awe inspiring... amazing
Touch me again
Lay in my bed one more time
I'm choking to death darling, please
Yes, yes...they've heard our saga before
So common
So you gave in because?
YOu couldn't have spilled truth from your tongue
My knees can't take much more
I'm walking now
It's up to you to tell me how far
Send the chills down my spine again
Or you could just leave me screaming
Long after my throat can't take it anymore...
Yes that's where you'll go for now
Late in the night I know you still hear me
Over her voice
I'm the one you remember... the one the nights evoke
You're losing now
YOu couldn't hide from me
My eyes are everywhere
Thats why you can't f*** her
Because i'm watching...always and forever
You should've finished what you started
Will you do as you promised?
Marry me
Live with me
...In me
Your loyalties turned but you refuse to tell me WHY
Too ashamed of how you left someone so pure
So beautiful, so mysterious, so whole, so ... me
YOu're bored with the life you've seen
If you'd have stayed... I've created and owned the life you crave
In the season of the witch
I know all
You're not finished yet
You've not yet left the thing so god given you cast aside
You've not yet left your godsend

...critique? comments? likes/dislikes? i know those 391 views didn't come outta nowhere so post away friends

__________________
-Rach- ((Check out my stuff))

Here's a new one peeps enjoy

(title in the process)

It's been a long time coming
You lured the wrong witch into your untruth
"Goodbyes" will do you nothing
Into the abyss you'll hide
I'll still come for you
My wrath still expose you
Whereever you turn
Feel my eyes on you
Every vow you break, every dirty claim you stake
... I'll be watching you
In the bed you both sleep unbeknownst to her
I'll break into your tainted slumber
So you wake in the palm of my hand
ANd still she sleeps
While i have you by these strings
One wave of my hand to the northern winds
And your world... will... fall...
SO mote it be...
YOu've forced me thus far
You didn't heed the warnings in the trees
SO now face the masks you've horded through the years
And I'll keep watch in the corner of my eye
And smile as you finally unearth the light in your hardened fog
The powers and the rain are with me
So heed this now and we'll resolve
All's calm
Sever those ties
... Never again

post away friends

Well i haven't posted anywhere in a while due a period of ... idk lol but here's new stuff that came out my lil hiding period

Oh the Fool
YOur pestilence
It's over and you've had it
Those loose ends will be tied
Breaking ours was only the beginning
THe dawning of your feeble end
I won't stop until of the wildfire i whisper out the last dwindling flame
*Though I may, my wrath doth not sleep
**Oh, you fool
I won't spare you in the least
so save your reprieve
What you've seen sail in the fog
now feel until the eighth pit freezes
As i preside over your abortion

Your ignorance will cost you dearly
you avoided to heed the word
of those who handed your scarlet letter
Your murder of all he was
He'll be back you needn't worry
All the power he needs lies in this threshhold my friend
*
**

Twilight On the Leaves
This slips though me like grains of sand
Hide away by the woods and paint in my sage tree
gliding through my haven eyes wide closed
dusk and rain my understandings and my night
No i won't open. For no good sleeps beyond these lids
Breaking my spine, how i so love, wields no comforts
so still i sleep beneath my trees
embrace my mist drenched fog
long to greet the twilight through my recesses
the stars the toll
for my time's past spent and back beyond minds eye i go
and a heavy heart leads past light
this too shall pass
or i'll return to that bed of leaves
my muse's dwelling farewell


Comments critique?

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DeviantArt. FlickR. ArtThread.

__________________
-Rach- ((Check out my stuff))