ok something went very wrong and my previous thread with my stuff was deleted.... guess its cuz at the time i hadn't been on in a while... anyway i'll post more for others who didn't read but here's the latest ...

MELANCHOLIC LOVE SONG
My thoughts are with you
As I walk the gallows…
And through this sinister valley…
To our haunting abyss…
Where our souls can drown together…
I’ll free you in death…
You’ll not spend eternity alone...
I can feel you, love…

I’ll meet you after dark…
When my blood runs dry…
And I’ll come away with you…
Through the forest of suffering souls…
We’ll breach its borders…
To the comforts of the unknown…

I’m one step closer darling…
As I leave this malevolent life…
And the last crimson drop leaves my heart…
Let the night keep you there…
Here I am I’m on my way…
Reach out your hand…
I’ll receive you in our wintry woods…
I give my word…

I’ll meet you after dark…
When my blood runs dry…
And I’ll come away with you…
Through the forest of suffering souls…
And the breach its borders…
To the comfort of the unknown…

Our time is at hand…
My blood I shed for you…

I’ll meet you after dark…
When my blood runs dry…
And I’ll come away with you…
Through the forest of suffering souls…
And the breach its borders…
To the comfort of the unknown…

I liked it, but overall I felt the first few stanzas were the strongest part of the poem. It kind of drags towards the end, you could probably go through and take out some stuff. Also, I would eliminate the ... at the end of every line. It's kind of unnecessary and clogs up the flow. Even though there's no grammar rules in poetry, it's usually a good idea to be sparing with punctuation.

Even though it doesn't seem like it from all that^ I really did like this piece. "My thoughts are with you/As I walk the gallows"-really liked that line. I just thought I'd give you some suggestions too

the "..." thing is a bad habit of mine when it comes to typing that i have to kick. tanky very much for the critique

The song has a lot of feeling, and speech on dark themes! this very well!

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~ Evanescence Hispanic Fan Site ~

here are a few paintings and drawings i've done (the purple angel was inspired by imaginary).[IMG]file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Morbid%20Dancer/Desktop/Laura's%20WOrk/Laura's%20Drawings/Mural%20Piece-%20Imaginary.jpg[/IMG][IMG]C:\Documents and Settings\Morbid Dancer\Desktop\Laura's WOrk\Laura's Drawings\Option For M.I.W. Type.jpg[/IMG]
the ^ one was one that i did for the letter head for a "company" i had to come up with for a fashion design class. "Malice In Wonderland".
[IMG]C:\Documents and Settings\Morbid Dancer\Desktop\Laura's WOrk\Laura's Drawings\The Spoot File\Spoot 1.jpg[/IMG]
this one's just a doodle. ^ hee hee his balloon popped (i got spoot from "Angry Beavers")
[IMG]C:\Documents and Settings\Morbid Dancer\Desktop\Laura's WOrk\Laura's Drawings\my white forest.JPEG[/IMG]

here's one i doodled in my fashion design class for an assignment we had with a nature study. (i edited the background with microsoft paint so its kinda bad).

[IMG]C:\Documents and Settings\Morbid Dancer\Desktop\Laura's WOrk\Laura's Drawings\my white forest.jpg[/IMG]

here's a few i did with my scanning software. (me and my ex holding hands at my big birthday thing last year).

[IMG]file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Morbid%20Dancer/Desktop/Laura's%20WOrk/Laura's%20Drawings/holding%20hands.jpg[/IMG]

[IMG]C:\Documents and Settings\Morbid Dancer\Desktop\Laura's WOrk\Laura's Drawings\Holding Hands II.jpg[/IMG]

Hmmm.. I think you did it wrong, because I can't see anything. I just see a lot of text.

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-Rach- ((Check out my stuff))

Yea, me too, I think the tags were put in wrong.

EDIT: oh, you gotta upload them to the internet like on photobucket or something, it looks like they're just on your computer. We won't be able to see them

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ROAR! you're right. eh oh well that's gonna take a while cuz my comp. is really slow but here are a few more songs in teh meantime.

"In The Dead Of The Night"

I bid your soul to run
Back to its hollow home
(to where it left our months to fade)
I beckon the memory of the night we died
She birthed a morbid hate
That ripped you from me

*Join me darling once again
In the dead of the night
This is where we belong
Where lovers can live unseen by sin

I see your shadow
At the foot of my bed
(Where you last held my hand)
While the dirty reflections
Of unsung ecstasy dance at my bedside
And comfort me in death

*Join me darling once again
In the dead of the night
This is where we belong
Where lovers can live unseen by sin

Our love flowed from the rains of time…to the gore she’s drawn from the slaughtered perfection… so in the dead of the night… your voice can lay my mind to rest

*Join me darling once again
In the dead of the night
This is where we belong
Where lovers can live unseen by sin

NOT ABANDONED
How will I ever make you see
I do this for a reason
You shut the door
You blind yourself and seal yourself away
But you can’t escape
Grasping at innocent summers perfectly saved
I invade your world
Because you can’t abandon everyone

Storming in you ravage my world
Reap what you want
Have you no shame?
Your cries make me cringe and my blood boil
Driving my soul to kill itself
But only for the night

You want me to leave you
In your realm of porcelain smiles
I’ll beat them to the floor
Because I can’t let you stay
You can’t be trusted there
Don’t run away
I promise I won’t hurt you
But if I lay a hand on you
It’s when you’ve driven me insane

Storming in you ravage my world
Reap what you want
Have you no shame?
Your cries make me cringe and my blood boil
Driving my soul to kill itself
But only for the night

It’s quiet now
Please know only that I love you
You’ll beckon me when I return to dust
Don’t cry on my grave

"Only Hell Can Save You Now"

You crawl up to those gates
With perverse pessimism to shatter us all
On the tip of your tongue
Reach out for the deceptive angels
To be your tourniquet
As I try to welcome
Your rabid utterance

*You cynically wait
For them to open
The way the whole world should
They have no pity
On the dillusions of the weak
They'll never let you in

My words can't mend the irreparable
No one but your grave awaits
When you seek the fiction of misery
Your tainted future runs
Runs through your veins
Seals the fate of all you flee
And begins rapping at the door

*You cynically wait
For them to open
The way the whole world should
They have no pity
On the Dillusions of the weak
They'll never let you in

(Fear what you've forced to breathe down you neck)= quiet choir through out song

"You Served Me Well"

Afloat in this sea of frozen petals
The comfort of your distant murmur
Stirs the scent of love forgotten
And erases the battle I've fought
To dismiss the cross I bore
I feel your hands and my core shudders
But I can't see your face anymore

*I sift through our months
And bid the memories to serve me well
While for the night
I renew my endeavors
To trap this pain long since past

From the depths you came
To send me back to where you left
And you speak so far away
to deny what you know was real
Your words should be mine
The innocence is gone
But it's all i can hold to tonight

*I sift through our months
ANd bid the memories to serve me well
while for the night
i renew my endeavors
To trap this pain long since past
**
(**choirs/ strings)