Leanne's Stuff (again) - Page 15 - EvBoard

Uriel Coleridge · 01-11-2006, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Verse 2
I remember, the day you told
That he girl was me
I felt so, happy
I felt the same you see

*Chorus*

Bridge*scream/shouting*
You don’t know
What it, does, to me
How you make me feel
You treat me like I’m nothing
Just your, possession

woot! The song's very good, I really liked it. It captures the feeling well, you did a great job. As for advice... I personaly think that instead of "... the day you told/the girl was me," you should try "I was the one" or a quotation from the guy saying something about how he has never loved anyone so much. Also, the last line, "Just your, possesion"... "Just like, you owned me" could work well too. That's just my persoanl opinon though. (don't take any offense, the song is very good

)

ehm... moving on to other things. I loved "The Girl." It describes very well how I fell people would react if I died. (save for the fact I'm a guy). Very well written, captures the whole situation very well.

Lastly, the backwards song thingies... I didn't really understand them, but...

I think they were pretty good, even if I'm still slightly confused. Keep up the good work, I hope to see more sonn!

rh072005 · 01-13-2006, 10:35 AM

i saw you have been writing whilst listening to songs backwards your songs from that are immense. i also tried to do the same with imaginary check it out on my thread
Ryan's Stuff
keep the songs coming
ryan

Leanne · 01-13-2006, 10:52 AM

Hey, first thanks for looking and commenting! Weel,m there was meant to be "Told Me" on the first line. I kinda wanted the "see" to rhyme with "me" but it's just the tune I have in my head you know? I'll probably change it though, I want to use a wider vocabulary and put things differently. I will probably try your suggesting, thanks.

Yeah, I thought about a situation I could try and emphasise best and that came to me, inspired by something I read. Thank you.

Well, the backword things are just words and phrases that came to my mind while listening to those songs. I hope to change them into poems or something later. It;s just a way to get different words and things to use.

Thanks again for looking, cheers!

Willow. · 01-15-2006, 02:34 PM

Hey! You little battery bunny

. Wow, I don’t know what to say…you’ve done so much work!...um, I think that the one that you are going to add music to is great the way it is ( no change nessisary and all of the rewinding work is amazing! I tthink that you should keep that up as it makes really interesting songs

. Well, as always its all ace! Sorry I haven’t been back for a while.
-Willow.

Leanne · 01-16-2006, 05:19 AM

Hey Willow, no that's okies I don't mind! Nice to see you around again! Cool, you think so? Cause I'm all for taking advice! Lol. Thanks for looking, is great encouragement.

Willow. · 01-16-2006, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leanne

Hey Willow, no that's okies I don't mind! Nice to see you around again! Cool, you think so? Cause I'm all for taking advice! Lol. Thanks for looking, is great encouragement.

Your fast!

Thank you.

, yes i do think so! Well,

ok-you want some constructive criticism? Ok then....um....now, seee your not leaving enough room between verses

lol. Thats ok~i like looking

! Great to hear.
-Willow.

Leanne · 01-18-2006, 09:51 AM

Hey yeah I go onlin enearly every day! Hmm, what do you mean I don't leave enough space between verses? You mean my layout or the writing?

Ruby Gloom · 01-18-2006, 09:57 AM

i reply all your stuff leanne, your a great artist and a great songwriter!!! your amazing

Leanne · 01-18-2006, 12:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruby Gloom

i reply all your stuff leanne, your a great artist and a great songwriter!!! your amazing

Yay! Thanks for posting Amey, feels all happy now! Lol. Cheers, I don't think I'm that good but hey, thanks anyways!

Willow. · 01-18-2006, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leanne

Hey yeah I go onlin enearly every day! Hmm, what do you mean I don't leave enough space between verses? You mean my layout or the writing?

Hey, lucky you! I only go on when i can kick my dad off

.

i was only teasing you! (it was a joke

).Lol.

.
-Willow.

01-13-2006, 10:52 AM	#143 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Hey, first thanks for looking and commenting! Weel,m there was meant to be "Told Me" on the first line. I kinda wanted the "see" to rhyme with "me" but it's just the tune I have in my head you know? I'll probably change it though, I want to use a wider vocabulary and put things differently. I will probably try your suggesting, thanks. Yeah, I thought about a situation I could try and emphasise best and that came to me, inspired by something I read. Thank you. Well, the backword things are just words and phrases that came to my mind while listening to those songs. I hope to change them into poems or something later. It;s just a way to get different words and things to use. Thanks again for looking, cheers! __________________

01-15-2006, 02:34 PM	#144 (permalink)
Willow. Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: London,UK Age: 16 Posts: 226 Points: 2,310.59 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,310.59 Donate	Hey! You little battery bunny. Wow, I don’t know what to say…you’ve done so much work!...um, I think that the one that you are going to add music to is great the way it is ( no change nessisary and all of the rewinding work is amazing! I tthink that you should keep that up as it makes really interesting songs. Well, as always its all ace! Sorry I haven’t been back for a while. -Willow.

01-16-2006, 05:19 AM	#145 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Hey Willow, no that's okies I don't mind! Nice to see you around again! Cool, you think so? Cause I'm all for taking advice! Lol. Thanks for looking, is great encouragement. __________________

01-18-2006, 09:51 AM	#147 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Hey yeah I go onlin enearly every day! Hmm, what do you mean I don't leave enough space between verses? You mean my layout or the writing? __________________

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01-13-2006, 10:35 AM	#142 (permalink)
rh072005 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: UK Age: 18 Posts: 156 Points: 1,319.18 Bank: 1,272.19 Total Points: 2,591.37 Donate	i saw you have been writing whilst listening to songs backwards your songs from that are immense. i also tried to do the same with imaginary check it out on my thread Ryan's Stuff keep the songs coming ryan

01-18-2006, 09:57 AM	#148 (permalink)
Ruby Gloom Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Wakefield Posts: 41 Points: 157.00 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 157.00 Donate	i reply all your stuff leanne, your a great artist and a great songwriter!!! your amazing

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