Leanne's Stuff (again) - Page 8 - EvBoard

Leanne · 11-12-2005, 09:47 AM

Copyright Leanne R 2005

Highlighted Mistakes in my subluminal life
The message is i gets harder as you try
Suffocated by distant dreams
Discouraged by the broken seams

(Take) My mortal life
(Give) My body flight
(Stop) The release of my soul
(Keep) The life that I sold

Aint finished either....

Willow. · 11-12-2005, 02:53 PM

YAY YOUR BACK!

WOW! The first one is my favourite i think although they are both really um...whats the word...emotive (for lack of a better word). The first one is REALLY powerful and i can't waite to read the finnished one!
The second one is also amazing, REALLY pwerful too and i also can't waite to read the finnished one!

Bye,
-Willow.

Leanne · 11-14-2005, 10:38 AM

Hey Willow! Sorry I didn't reply properly last time I was just about to leave and realised I had them with me. Thanks!! Again, lol Wow, cheers! I'm gonna work on that one tonight, and I'm gonna go through all thos eother ones I never finished and everything. Thanks yous!!!

Leanne

Willow. · 11-14-2005, 04:47 PM

Awww,thats ok.

.
I'm glad you liked what i had to say, i am being honest though...don't forget that

. YAY!!! I can't waite to read the finnished ones!!!!

Be back soon!

-Willow.

Leanne · 11-25-2005, 11:41 AM

Hay, I'm re-writing some parts now, will post when I can. If they go well that is!

Willow. · 11-28-2005, 02:53 PM

Thats great,I'm sure they will be amazing! Come back soon!

-Willow.

Leanne · 11-29-2005, 10:38 AM

Okay, edited versions that I re-did last night. Tried to make improvements....

Untitled

You should hang your head in shame
For what you've done is wrong
That poor girl deserves the same
As you or I - not what has been done

Now you live with fear and guilt
But what's this you say, you do not feel?
As you wrap her in a dirty quilt
Eyes wide, you realise it's real

For now my friend you see
What was right and what was not
You lay her down so gently
You wish you had just stopped

She made one mistake
You acted right away
To punish, life was the thing to take
But murder won't be forgotten, it'll stay

**Original**
You should hang your head in shame
For what you've done is wrong
That poor girl deserves the same
As you and I - not what has been done

Now you have to live in fear and guilt
But what's this you say, you do not feel?
As you wrap her in a dirty quilt
Youe eyes wide as you realise it's real

For now my friend you see
What was right and what was wrong
You lay her down so gently
This you should not have done

She made a mistake
You were the one to act quick
To punish, life was the thing to take
But murder won't be forgotten, it'll stick

Leanne · 11-29-2005, 10:42 AM

Oh, I also gave some of them names too!! Well, most of them, I'm gonna put everything in my first post I think, so it's all collected well. But I'll post em here too.

In My World

Does anybody know what it's like
To be alone
Does anybody know how it feels
To die
Does anybody know what it's like
To be alone
Does anybody know how it feels
To die

'Cause in my world
I died
In my world
They cried
In my world
I'm alone
In my world
I'm home

***original was on the last line "i'm AT home" ***

Leanne · 11-29-2005, 10:47 AM

Edited: What Will Come

What Will Come

Whispered voices like the winds of hate
Know only sorrow from being betrayed

Standing alone in a field of wrath
To find the road is a misleading path

Fear isn't conquered by only love
If you can't accept the realm above

Wandering aimlessly through this hell
What lies ahead nobody can tell

SoundOfSilence · 11-29-2005, 11:00 AM

wow, i love the last poem, leanne

it's short (like most of your poems) but very nice. the rhythym is good and the last words make a good end.

keep it up

<333

- nadine

11-12-2005, 09:47 AM	#71 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Copyright Leanne R 2005 Highlighted Mistakes in my subluminal life The message is i gets harder as you try Suffocated by distant dreams Discouraged by the broken seams (Take) My mortal life (Give) My body flight (Stop) The release of my soul (Keep) The life that I sold Aint finished either.... __________________

11-14-2005, 10:38 AM	#73 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Hey Willow! Sorry I didn't reply properly last time I was just about to leave and realised I had them with me. Thanks!! Again, lol Wow, cheers! I'm gonna work on that one tonight, and I'm gonna go through all thos eother ones I never finished and everything. Thanks yous!!! Leanne __________________

11-25-2005, 11:41 AM	#75 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Hay, I'm re-writing some parts now, will post when I can. If they go well that is! __________________

11-29-2005, 10:38 AM	#77 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Okay, edited versions that I re-did last night. Tried to make improvements.... Untitled You should hang your head in shame For what you've done is wrong That poor girl deserves the same As you or I - not what has been done Now you live with fear and guilt But what's this you say, you do not feel? As you wrap her in a dirty quilt Eyes wide, you realise it's real For now my friend you see What was right and what was not You lay her down so gently You wish you had just stopped She made one mistake You acted right away To punish, life was the thing to take But murder won't be forgotten, it'll stay Original You should hang your head in shame For what you've done is wrong That poor girl deserves the same As you and I - not what has been done Now you have to live in fear and guilt But what's this you say, you do not feel? As you wrap her in a dirty quilt Youe eyes wide as you realise it's real For now my friend you see What was right and what was wrong You lay her down so gently This you should not have done She made a mistake You were the one to act quick To punish, life was the thing to take But murder won't be forgotten, it'll stick __________________

11-29-2005, 10:42 AM	#78 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Oh, I also gave some of them names too!! Well, most of them, I'm gonna put everything in my first post I think, so it's all collected well. But I'll post em here too. In My World Does anybody know what it's like To be alone Does anybody know how it feels To die Does anybody know what it's like To be alone Does anybody know how it feels To die 'Cause in my world I died In my world They cried In my world I'm alone In my world I'm home *original was on the last line "i'm AT home" * __________________

11-12-2005, 02:53 PM	#72 (permalink)
Willow. Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: London,UK Age: 16 Posts: 226 Points: 2,310.59 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,310.59 Donate	YAY YOUR BACK! WOW! The first one is my favourite i think although they are both really um...whats the word...emotive (for lack of a better word). The first one is REALLY powerful and i can't waite to read the finnished one! The second one is also amazing, REALLY pwerful too and i also can't waite to read the finnished one! Bye, -Willow.

11-14-2005, 04:47 PM	#74 (permalink)
Willow. Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: London,UK Age: 16 Posts: 226 Points: 2,310.59 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,310.59 Donate	Awww,thats ok. . I'm glad you liked what i had to say, i am being honest though...don't forget that . YAY!!! I can't waite to read the finnished ones!!!! Be back soon! -Willow.

11-28-2005, 02:53 PM	#76 (permalink)
Willow. Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: London,UK Age: 16 Posts: 226 Points: 2,310.59 Bank: 0.00 Total Points: 2,310.59 Donate	Thats great,I'm sure they will be amazing! Come back soon! -Willow.

11-29-2005, 10:47 AM	#79 (permalink)
Leanne Gay Monkey Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: England Age: 17 Posts: 2,064 Points: 5,573.96 Bank: 160,236.86 Total Points: 165,810.82 Donate	Edited: What Will Come What Will Come Whispered voices like the winds of hate Know only sorrow from being betrayed Standing alone in a field of wrath To find the road is a misleading path Fear isn't conquered by only love If you can't accept the realm above Wandering aimlessly through this hell What lies ahead nobody can tell __________________

11-29-2005, 11:00 AM	#80 (permalink)
SoundOfSilence Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Berlin, Germany Age: 17 Posts: 522 Points: 329.33 Bank: 0.42 Total Points: 329.75 Donate	wow, i love the last poem, leanne it's short (like most of your poems) but very nice. the rhythym is good and the last words make a good end. keep it up <333 - nadine __________________ Alessandro Del Piero is teh best guy ever.

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