Katya

Since dev is Santa, he gets to answer our Christmas letters. FUN STUFF.

Dear Santa,

I think that Mrs. Claus kissing Shivercide's mommy is really funny. Is she...having trouble with you? Or are you not up to par for her this year?

I would like $$$$$ for Christmas. And some thrilling fantasy novels, please.

Thanks,
Katy

ZER0

dear katya,
mrs claus kissing the hot canadian redhead was a couple of years ago at a party that you were too lame to attend. we're not having trouble, mrs. claus just had the good sense to get in on some kate action while she had the chance.
i'm assuming that by "thrilling fantasy" you mean "erotic fiction," and santa doesn't really deal in that anymore. for that, you need gabe. OR, you could just quit being such a fucking loser and go get laid. i hear luna's desperate.
love,
santa

Shape

dear santa,

i want an official red ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!

Ikx

Dear Santa,

I want Ben Moody to release his CD.

PS: As we're on 2006, I think you should start using an airplane instead of the sleigh. Your reindeers keep shitting on my garden.

ZER0

dear shapeshifter,
i'll just go ahead and get you the real thing and hope nature runs it's course so i don't have to answer another letter from you next year.
love,
santa

dear ikx,
yeah, you and me both. unfortunately, mr. moody does whatever the fuck he wants and doesn't respond well to threats, even from santa. see if maybe jasmine could persuade him.

you're probably aware that i do most of my work in the united states because the rest of the world is either muslim, jewish, or naughty. and in the united stated, all aircraft are regulated by the FAA. santa is not a liscensed pilot and i'll be damned if i'm going to spend half a day in some government office trying to apply for one. quit your whining and be thankful for the free fertilizer.
love,
santa

Melanie

Dear Santa,

I would like twins with no stretch marks, both of which would be a miracle.

*waits to be completely anialated*

Seph

Dear Santa,

I want a million dollars, a brand new car, and a better job for Xmas.

Oh, and if you could pay my bills for me while you're at it, that would be magnificent.

Thanks,
Seph

ZER0

dear melanie,
consider it dug. instead of twins with stretch marks, i'll see to it that you get the stretch marks. law of conservation of stretch marks, i'm afraid. they can neither be created nor destroyed, so they have to go somewhere. you'll look hideous, but the kids will be flawless. merry christmas.
love,
santa

ZER0

dear seph,
welcome to being an adult. i'd love to help, but it looks like you're on my permanent naughty list. did you ever consider that your life sucks now because of karma? because it turns out, you were hitler in your last life.
don't get me wrong, i'm as pro-hitler as the next guy, but you don't argue with the list. you just don't.
love,
santa
p.s. santa likes fear factory, too.

Seph

At least I was...an inspiration to many in my past life.



Permanent naughty list ftl.

HITLER WANTS A CUPCAKE IMMEDIATELY!