Princess Mary

I dont know what to do here so heres my problem.

What do you about people who lie? Like, someone who pretends to be a friend, and thinks they are your friend, but you know - or strongly suspect - that everything they say is a lie, and you cant tell them?

I know this girl. She's 21. She seems to make up all these stories about her life. To give you a rundown would take me ages, but I'll give it a go:

She claims to have been abused by her uncle from a young age and ran away from home, got into drugs, joined a gang, sold herself for sex, was a stripper, blah blah. She had her Myspace profile claim she was married and I once asked what she meant by that and she said that she pretended she was married because too many people hit on her.

Now she claims that she was pregnant (she told me she was expecting twins three months ago) and today she claims she lost her twins at 26 weeks. The thing is, she's online posting and asking how people are and it doesnt seem like the kind of thing a grieving mother would do.

I've known this girl for awhile, nothing she says adds up, and whenever she's called on something, she claims she's stressed and doesn't want to talk about it.

She's sucked a lot of people in, its hard to believe that some are so quick to believe everything someone tells them. I dont believe her - too many things she has said dont add up and I hate how she refuses to talk when she's called on it.

She knows the same people I do and has sucked them in. I really, really want to tell them that she's a liar but as I'm a mod on this forum, I cant very well do that without risking someone blabbing.

I try to ignore her but she keeps coming onto my profile asking me why I ignored her threads. I want to tell her that I know she's a liar but I cant do that without risking my position. I am friends with all the people she has sucked in and I cant stand knowing that eventually, they are going to find out she's a liar.

So do I just attack her and tell her I know she's a liar, or do you just grin and bear it? While I would try this its a bit hard when she follows me around, always with some sad tale to get me to feel sorry for her.
I am really having to bite my tongue when it comes to her. I have never known anyone like this before and I have no clue at all what the best way to deal with it is.

I hate knowing the people I like are being sucked in. If this has happened to you then you know it's a horrible feeling because you just dont know what to do about it. I feel so guilty because I know the truth and I feel bad because its like I am holding it back, but I cant just jump all over her and expose her - I cant prove she is lying, but there is evidence that she is. She has an answer for everything.

If I had a friend like this in real life I probably wouldnt know what to do about it either. I'm not really the sort of person who can tell it like it is. I'm kinda shy and hate hurting peoples feelings. But I really, really, cant stand this girl. Her bullshit about losing her twins is the last straw. I want to bring her down and have her admit what she is. I want my friends to know who she is and I dont want to feel bad about the fact that I know, but am not saying anything.

Any advice would be muchly appreciated - perhaps I can use it to my advantage. I've never been in this situation before, see, so I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Shape

I can't take you seriously in the slightest when you make statements like:

then immediately follow up with:

So you KNOW she is lying, but you can't prove it, even though there is evidence? That doesn't make a lick of sense. You obviously don't have evidence or you could prove it.

Who cares anyway? This is just some juvenile internet drama. Surely you have more important things to worry about than some random girl on the net telling stories that may or may not be true?

twk"16

you know this girl only via the internet or have you met in person?

im not defending liars, but if indeed she is making it all up, compulsive liars cant help themselves in the same way drug addicts cant, one lie leads to another and the lies get more and more extreme, maybe she needs serious profesional pyschological help, maybe her lies are just a cry for help, but she cant admit it to herself, as fustrating as it is when you belive so strongly she's lying, cracking is probably not the best option, maybe approach it differently, try not to loose it, suggest she seeks profesional help, some of the things she told you may well be true, look at all the evidence and dont ashume its all bull,

LovenPeace

It makes sense to me. I grew up with a compulsive liar, my brother would lie about things like being in vietnam and such when he wasnt even alive then, or that he went training in Iraq when he has never left the country. I actually made an advice thread on him, but no body replied to it so I figured no one would know what to do about it or anything and there is no solution.

So Kylie, I believe there is no solution, you can tell her shes lying, it may hurt but someone needs to call her on it, if you dont then she is going to continue thinking that everyone believes her and isnt judging her. By not saying anything you are just being as guilty.

Princess Mary

Let me quote: From the rules which are sticked at the top of this page. How did Shape's comments make it through, Mods?



There are a lot of things she says that don't add up. As I dont know her in person, I cant say for sure if she even was pregnant, which is what makes it hard. I am not the only one who knows she is lying.

I dont doubt everything she has said - I think certain parts are true as she's very detailed, but other things, she says one thing and then almost immediately says another thing, and when she's called on it, she suddenly doesn't want to talk about it.

She is a compulsive liar, I think she lies to get attention. Everytime the spotlight isnt on her, she comes up with something to get the attention back again.

Internet friends are just as special as friends in real life as many people know. I know many people online and they are wonderful people. Its easy to talk to someone online, and sometimes, talking online can be a lot better than speaking to someone face to face.

But that is not the issue here. Imagine this - you have a friend whom you know is a liar, and you see her sucking in the rest of your friends. They all fall for her bullshit and you want to tell her she's a lying skank but you dont want to sound like a bitch.
I have had friends in real life like this and I always found it hard to walk away. I have a fear of hurting peoples feelings - even if they deserve to be hurt, I am not the sort of person who can just say it like it is.

That is where I am having trouble, trying to work out a way to expose her. Its like a fly buzzing around you and you want to swat and kill it but you cant. It wont leave you alone. That's her.

Machinehead

If she was "sucking people in" to a financial scam or something that actually mattered or stood to cause harm to anyone else, this might be a worthwhile discussion. As it stands, this is on par with kindergartners. Not only the lying itself, but the intense concern about a random person on the internet telling random lies about random stuff that doesn't stand to do any harm. You're fully allowing yourself to be brought down to her level of 5 years old by caring about this at all. It's ridiculous. Be the 26 year old your profile says you are.

Shape

Because they're absolutely valid.

Princess Mary

Machinehead, you dont think that people can be damaged emotionally by these kinds of people?

Have you heard of those people who pretend to have cancer? They have people feeling sorry for them, people believe them and give them money to help them. Anyone would - how can you ignore someone with cancer? Then you see on the news that the person was lying about it. Can you imagine the emotional damage done to those who trusted these people? Its not just about financial scams, its about being sucked in. Its about believing someone had a really shitty life and not knowing that its all made up bullshit.

It'd be like me telling my closest friends that I had cancer and needed chemo, then having them find out a few months from now it was all a ploy to get attention. You think they could just shrug their shoulders and forget about it? It doesn't work like that.

Someone on the net may not be the same as someone in real life, but there are many people online that we speak to, right? You have friends you talk to on yahoo or msn I'm betting, as does most other people. Imagine if one of your friends lied to you. You'd be angry - you'd want to kill someone.

I guess that no one can understand how it feels unless you have been in that situation. I have a lot of friends - many years ago I had a 'friend' who did the same thing. Make up stories to get attention. She'd tell people she had cancer, or kidney disease, and even took an overdose to get attention. What person pretends to be a friend yet does something like this? I dont speak to this person anymore, btw.

But this other girl...there is a close group of friends I have, and yes, they are online. Everyone has online friends, so lets not pretend that you dont. It feels the same way. The feeling of sickness when you know what someone is saying is all a lie. I cant wait for her to trip up, I really cant. All I can do is very carefully get her to trip up. And even though I dont know the people being sucked in, I speak to them each day, we exchange photos and greetings, and I care about them just as much as I care for my real life friends. I worry about how they will feel when they find out.

Maybe no one cares, maybe you all think I should forget about it, but thats not who I am. I detest people like this, and I needed to post this thread to try and get some advice on how the hell to deal with people like this. There is no easy way.

Machinehead

I already addressed financial scams.

Being sucked in has differing degrees with differing consequences. There's the level of being sucked into believing that professional wrestling is real, and there's being sucked into something like Scientology or the branch davidian compound. One has relevant consequences and one does not.

Is this person your closest friend? Is this person the closest friend of anyone else that you want to expose their lies to? Nothing about your post gave this impression. You said you tried to ignore her, in fact.

You falsely presume I've never been lied to by a friend. I also never alluded to having only in-person friendships.

And then? .....and then???

Advice has been given. That advice is to regard the situation as though you were dealing with a small child. From your description, that's about how relevant this sounds.

LovenPeace

Regardless of the matter Kylie, a lie is a lie. When someone lies, you confront them, you catch them on it. If you dont, it will grow and get worse.